Faith, Marriage, and NFL Life

Bob: There are some who think being a Christian is a liability for people who are in professional sports, that being a Christian tends to make you soft or not a competitor. Kirk Cousins, the quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings, disagrees.

Kirk: I look back, and I don’t think I’m going to be playing nine years in the NFL if I’m not a Christian. I mean, football is a grind, and it’s physically tough; it’s emotionally tough; it’s mentally tough. Christians are the most physically, mentally, emotionally tough people that I know; so football tends to lend itself well to being a Christian, and surviving and lasting in the sport, quite frankly. I think it’s been a huge asset for me.

I mean, the number of times I would have given up if I didn’t believe that God had a plan and was going to use things for my good—I would have just walked away and said, “I don’t need this,”—but I believe that God was using it/that God had brought me to this point for a reason. He gave me a gift, and I am to steward it and trust Him with the rest. That’s what kept me going.

Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, January 8^th. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How do personal faith and football—or any kind of professional athletics—how do those mix? We’re going to talk about that today with Minnesota Vikings’ quarterback, Kirk Cousins, and his wife, Julie. Stay with us.

[Broadcasting from Minneapolis, Minnesota]

And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. I grew up in St. Louis. When I was a kid, our football team in St. Louis was the St. Louis Football Cardinals.

Dave: Really?

Bob: Yes; now the Arizona Cardinals.

Dave: You don’t want to tell us what year that was; do you?

Bob: It was a long time ago. [Laughter] I still have—I’ve got at home/at our house a St. Louis Football Cardinal trashcan somewhere in our house; it goes way back.

Then, of course, St. Louis got the Rams for awhile; and now St. Louis has nobody. People will say, “Do you have a team that you cheer for?” Over the years, I have just kind of cheered for—“Who are the people I want to be cheering for in the NFL?”—I was a Tony Dungy fan—right?—during the middle of his stuff. Anytime I hear about somebody, like a Carson Wentz, or people who are focused on the glory of God, I start cheering for them.

I’ve been cheering for our guest since Michigan State. Glad to have him on FamilyLife Today with us.

Dave: Yes; and you know, my 33 years in the league—there are very few, actually, in 33 years, who come through and understand their role is not just to win football games—but the couple we have today understood that from before you even got in the NFL. Kirk and Julie Cousins are here with us today—quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings—future Super Bowl winners; right? [Laughter] We don’t know what year—maybe this year—you never know!

It’s a pleasure to have you here; because Kirk, you/I knew you when you were a little boy. I’ve always seen this perspective: I remember watching the Big Ten—I don’t know what you call it/the pre-season little banquet they did in Chicago, I think—and watching your speech, because it ended up on YouTube. I remember watching that, going, “There’s no way a young man of 18 years old has this kind of maturity.” But you already had it; you knew, “I’m not just a football player; it’s bigger than that. God is doing something bigger than just football.” How did you know that?

Kirk: Well, I think God did position us. You know, you look back through stories in the Bible, and you see how God used times of challenge in David’s life to then develop him into who He wanted him to be when he was king. I think God did the same for me: whether it was through the Christian school I attended, whether it was through my parents and the way they raised me, through some of the setbacks He had me experience on the football field. I think God used all those to prepare me for what was coming down the road.

Bob: There had to be times in high school when being a pretty good football player in your high school started to go to your head a little bit.

Julie: No, he’s the most humble man I’ve ever met.

Kirk: No, I wouldn’t say that. [Laughter]

Dave: You should just take that, man! Your wife—[Laughter]

Julie: He is.

Dave: —if your wife says you’re humble—

Ann: —that’s the truth.

Kirk: Yes; I remember in high school—I didn’t play varsity football until my junior year—you know, you think a NFL player probably got pulled up to the varsity as a sophomore/freshman; that wasn’t my story. I’m in my very first game my junior year; and obviously, in recruiting, junior year is the big year. Senior year is almost too late. The very first quarter of the very first game my junior year, I get hit on my left side and break my ankle, so I missed most of my junior year.

I remember driving home from the hospital, with the cast on my leg, and calling my dad at work to tell him, “It’s broken; I got a cast. I’m out for x number of weeks,” with tears in my eyes. I said, “Dad, you know, in addition to missing the joy of playing football this fall, I probably won’t get to play college football.” That’s a real disappointment, because you have to get recruited your junior year.

My dad said, “Kirk, first of all, you don’t know that; and second of all, you have to remember Proverbs 3:5-6: ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart; don’t lean on your understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him; He will direct your steps.’” My dad wasn’t saying that to mean—“Name it and claim it,”/“Name that verse and now you’re going to be a college quarterback,”—he was saying, “God has a plan for your life; and if it doesn’t involve college football, it doesn’t involve college football. But you have to trust Him; you have to trust Him with a broken ankle.”

At that moment, I kind of put a stake in the ground and said, “You know what? What choice do I have? I’m going to hold onto Proverbs 3:5-6; I’m going to trust Him, and we’ll see what He wants to do with my life.” You get to the end [of high school]; you sign your scholarship with Michigan State; you go on there, you play, you get drafted; you play nine years in the NFL so far. You look back and you say, “God’s a lot bigger than a broken ankle!”

Dave: The interesting thing is—your dad’s perspective is now yours.

Kirk: Yes.

Dave: You lived that. I mean, you have to do it now weekly/daily as you go through ups and downs in an NFL season. How do you stay that grounded?

Kirk: The tough games happen enough, where you realize, “This is pretty difficult, and I don’t have a whole lot of reason to be uber-confident.” [Laughter] I think Julie would attest to that as well.

You also have people around you—right?—you’re not isolated. My wife keeps me grounded; my siblings; my parents. You have enough people around you, who have known you long enough, that they’re not all that impressed with you. I think that’s a healthy place to be too.

My dad always said, “Kirk, you need to keep big enough people in your life that they’re not intimidated by you, that they can call you out on your stuff. I think it’s important, whoever those people are, that you keep them in your life, where they’re comfortable with telling you when you’re out of line.”

Bob: You have people, who aren’t impressed with you, who will speak truth to you?

Kirk: I have one on my right/right here. [Laughter]

Julie: We have two at home too.

Kirk: Yes; we have two boys at home, who will keep you humble.

Bob: Let me ask you about your teammates, because not everybody in the locker room shares your faith. When you were playing at a Christian high school, most of the guys, at least, they were from families, where everybody was a believer; but now, worldviews are very different/morality is very different. You’re the team leader as the quarterback. How do you manage your faith, and the locker room, and the players, and how you do all of that?

Kirk: I get this question a lot. I think, like anybody else at their job—you do your job; you want to do it really well. You want to shine your light—as Julie says to me when I leave the house many days: “Shine your light today at work.” You want to make sure that you’re living out your faith and that you’re being bold in sharing your faith.

You want to create opportunities for teammates to gather—whether it be a Bible study, or a chapel, or whatever it may be—to gather and pray together; and spend time in the Word together; and invite people and kind of put the ball in their court; and then let them decide what they want to do. I’m not going to hit them over the head with a Bible, but I’m going to let them know that the Bible’s available.

Julie does the same with the women’s Bible study. Obviously, the Wilsons have lived it for 30-plus years. We try to do that, and also try to play football as well as we can.

Bob: Have you ever had coaches or fellow players, who have suggested that your faith is a detriment to your competitiveness?

Kirk: No—

Julie: —a distraction.

Kirk: Yes; I think the key is that there can be concern that time spent on anything that isn’t football is a distraction. That could still be good things, but it’s not football. The key is that you make sure, again, you’re doing everything you’d be doing from a football standpoint. You can’t be not running the plays correctly out on the field and, then, talking about when we’re going to have Bible study in the locker room—[Laughter]—that doesn’t work. You have to take care of your business on the field.

I’ve asked/at times, you have coaches, who say, “Hey, you can do Bible study; but it needs to be out of sight. It needs to be out of sight, out of mind, away from things.” You respect that. You’re not going to defy that from your authority figure; so you move the Bible study off to the side, and you still have the Bible study.

Bob: Yes.

Dave: Do you feel like being a Christian athlete has actually made you better?

Kirk: Of course.

Dave: In what way?

Kirk: I look back, and I don’t think I’m going to be playing nine years in the NFL if I’m not a Christian. I mean, football is a grind, and it’s physically tough; it’s emotionally tough; it’s mentally tough. Christians are the most physically, mentally, emotionally tough people that I know; so football tends to lend itself well to being a Christian, and surviving and lasting in the sport, quite frankly. I think it’s been a huge asset for me.

I mean, the number of times I would have given up if I didn’t believe that God had a plan and was going to use things for my good—I would have just walked away and said, “I don’t need this,”—but I believe that God was using it/that God had brought me to this point for a reason. He gave me a gift, and I need to steward it and trust Him with the rest. That’s what kept me going.

Dave: I know that/I’m thinking of my fifth year with the Detroit Lions as their chaplain. Our head coach/my first coach, Darryl Rogers, was fired—Michigan State coach——he gets fired after four years. A chaplain—I’m not paid by the team—I’m just sort of/I’m like, “Am I going to stick with the new guy?” The new guy was Wayne Fontes. He never came to chapel/had nothing to do with me, but guess where I sat on the team plane?—[Laughter] every game, for the last four years, beside Wayne.

He always would look over me, like, “Here’s this chaplain dude.” I’m an old quarterback; so we’re flying home from wherever, and I’m talking football and coverages and, “Why’d you do this?” After awhile, I could tell he was like, “Who/what are you? I thought you were this religious guy!”; right? He gets the head job, calls me in, and says, “Hey, listen. I don’t know what you do with the guys, but keep doing it. I like you, so just keep going.”

Here’s what happened: we started that season 1 in 7. I’m doing chapel, and one of our players was going to have his pastor come in; right? We have 40 guys come to chapel—a whole bunch of guys.

Julie: Wow!

Dave: It’s Sunday morning. I’m talking to Jimmy, our player; and say, “Hey, where’s your pastor? It’s like five minutes.” He goes, “Oh, he’ll be here.” Long story short, I go, “Well, when’s the last time you talked to him?” “Oh, like six weeks ago.” I’m like, “Jimmy! He’s not going to be here! He forgot!” “What are you talking about? He’ll be here.”

He doesn’t show up, so we’re walking back in there. I say to Jimmy—and by the way, no coaches came to chapel—only players. I say to Jimmy, “Listen, I’m going to have to wing it. So listen; get up, would you please, and pray; and tell them your guy didn’t show up; and Dave—so they, at least, have an idea.”

We go sit in the front row. Jimmy gets up; prays; and says, “Here’s Dave!”—doesn’t say a word [that his pastor didn’t arrive]. I get up; I turn around; the entire coaching staff—the head coach, Wayne Fontes, sitting in the middle in the back, just like this, arms folded, right in the middle—I’m like, “They’ve never been there!” I’m like, “I think my job’s on the line!”; right? [Laughter]

Bob knows this; as a preacher, you always have to have—

Bob: —“…in season, out of season”; right?

Dave: Yes; you have to know. I pull out basically a message out of 1 Corinthians 9, which is basically this idea: “If you’re a follower of Christ, you play harder and better than anybody; because you’re playing for the Lord, not for men”; right? It was this whole thing about winning; it’s really highly motivational; right?

I get done and I say, “Okay; let’s pray.” I close my eyes and pray, and I open my eyes. Wayne, the head coach, is standing an inch from my face; he had walked up during my prayer—I’ll never forget this!—and I’m standing there, looking at him. He goes, “Is this what you do at chapel?! This is what you do?!” I go, “Yes, Wayne.”

“That was awesome!” He gives me a big hug. These coaches are all behind him, and they’re all like: “Yes; good job, son,”—you know—“Way to go!” and they leave.

Here’s the funny thing—

Ann: You were only 30 at the time.

Dave: Oh, I’m young. I’m like, “I don’t know what’s…”

Here’s what I find out—by the way, we beat the Packers!—right?

Julie: Wow!

Dave: I find out, later that week—one of the coaches comes up to me and he goes, “Hey, did you wonder why we all were at chapel?” I go, “Yes! What’s going on?” He goes, “Well, we were in a meeting, all the coaching staff; and we’re like, ‘Why are we losing? We have talent; we’re 1 in 7.’”

He goes, “One of the coaches goes, ‘Do you realize that the whole team goes to chapel before the games?’ Wayne’s like, ‘What are you talking about?!’ He goes, ‘They’re all at chapel on Sunday morning.’ One of the other coaches goes, ‘We don’t even know what that Wilson guy is telling them! Maybe, he’s saying, “Don’t hit people; don’t play hard.’” [Laughter]

Kirk: Oh, that’s funny.

Dave: “Wayne goes, ‘We’re all going to chapel Sunday. If it’s not good, I’m firing that guy.’” That’s what was happening! [Laughter]

Kirk: I love it.

Julie: That’s amazing.

Kirk: Only God.

Dave: God shows up in this moment—again, you can imagine Wayne never missed chapel the rest of the time he was there. We started winning games. But it was a perspective that I think a lot of people don’t understand: “Whatever you do”—

Colossians 3—“do your work heartily, as for the Lord”; right?

Kirk: Amen.

Dave: Whether you’re on a football field, you’re in an office, you’re a stay-at-home mom, you’re a plumber, you’re a doctor—anyone—your calling, as a follower of Christ, whether you’re an NFL quarterback or not, is what?—“Bring glory to Him by the way you play,” “… the way you treat the people in the locker room,” “…the people at the office”; right?

Kirk: Sure.

Dave: That’s where you guys—I’ve watched you for your entire career—everywhere you’ve gone—and now I know it’s not just Kirk; it’s a team—you have shined the light of God. You’ve made His name famous.

Bob: Kirk, I’m sitting here, looking at your silicone wedding band.

Kirk: Yes!

Bob: Do I have this right? You wear that to work.

Kirk: Yes; I just wear it everywhere, so I keep it on during the games. Yes; I got a wedding ring—and didn’t know about these yet—and was always taking mine off for practice, for a workout, for—literally, every day, it was going off and on two or three times—it just wasn’t very efficient. I found these that I could just keep on at all times. It’s on all the time; and that means it’s on during games, and practices, and lifts. It makes it really easy.

Bob: There aren’t many players wearing a wedding band on the football field.

Kirk: No; I don’t think so! A lot of players are wearing gloves; so if they have it on, it’s probably hidden; but as a quarterback I don’t have any gloves on, so it shows.

Bob: Does it affect the spiral at all?

Kirk: No; not on my left hand. [Laughter] It works out well.

Dave spoke to our team in a Bible study once and shared the difference between boys and men, you know, in terms of what it means to have spiritual maturity: “Boys do what feels right and men do what is right.” You know, I just think that was certainly one area of life, in terms of having purity before marriage, is to do what is right, not what feels right. That’s not very common these days.

Bob: Yes.

Dave: How do you maintain, now—you know, you’ve been married a few years/six years; right?—almost seven—in the NFL, how do you keep a great marriage in this profession?

Julie: I think marriage is so easy for us. There’s something in there that’s like, “Maybe this should be hard.” I don’t know; he’s just very easy to be married to. Kirk takes a Sabbath every Tuesday during the season and in off season.

Ann: That’s his day off?

Julie: Yes; he takes a whole day off from work; he doesn’t do anything that is work. He started doing that a few years ago; and that, to me, is one of the greatest blessings of our marriage, especially during football season; because I know Tuesday’s coming. Not that it’s all about me on that day; it’s just that it’s quality time for our family: for me and him/for him and the boys. He’s reading, or just resting and relaxing, and doing what recharges him. Some of these days in the season are 12-/13-hour days, where I don’t see him. The fact that Tuesday’s coming, and the fact that he does that for our family, just really honors me. I think that really helps our marriage, honestly.

Kirk: Yes; that was a learning experience for us.

Julie: That’s when we talk about everything.

Kirk: That year I got benched, I didn’t have a Sabbath. I was spinning my wheels in that off season. We had heard teaching on it before; but we said, “You know what? Let’s take it seriously.” There are ten commandments. So many people take the nine seriously, but the Sabbath one we ignore. We said, “We’re going to actually take

24 hours off.” It also happened to be that my football play improved when I started taking one day off. It was like, “God can do more with six than I can do with seven.”

Julie: You’re probably the only football player that takes a Sabbath.

Dave: I was just going to say, “I don’t know a single player—

Kirk: At the quarterback position it’s probably a little more rare.

Dave: Yes; I mean, on a Tuesday, when it’s their day off—they’re taking a day off, but they’re still watching film, still/again, I’m not saying that’s bad—but you really don’t work.

Kirk: People ask me what I do on the Sabbath. I say it’s more what I don’t do. It’s that anything related to work I don’t do. I can go do anything else, but I just try to stay away from work.

Honestly, more than it is rest, it’s faith. I sit there and I go, “Lord, the Packers are coming on Sunday. [Laughter] I think I need to be watching the third-down blitz tape.” I have to sit there and say, “You know what, Lord? I’m going to trust You that You can do more with six than I can do with seven.”

Just as much of a resting for me, which it is, it’s really a faith thing. I think God’s saying, “Kirk, do you believe that Proverbs 3:5-6 message that you had as a junior in high school? Do you really believe that I’m still going to do that for you, or do you have to do it for yourself?” The journey of faith is not an easy one, and it’s not ending anytime soon; God’s going to keep us on that journey of faith all the way through life.

Ann: You guys have talked the whole time about your faith/about your walk with God. It went all the way back to your matchmaker, who heard from God and followed through and talked to you. Talk about that a little bit: “What does that mean to you, to hear from God and then to obey what He says?”

Kirk: One thing I’m learning, currently, in my walk with God is that hearing and responding to His voice is a bigger deal than I realized in my younger years. It’s hard to have a dynamic walk with God, and a true relationship with God, if you’re not trying to hear from Him/listen to Him and then, whatever you hear, to then obey it and respond to it.

In the event of our matchmaker, she said, “God put it on my heart that you two should be set up,” which He had to have put on her heart; because it was such an outlandish idea.

Julie: Because she had known both of us for ten years-plus and had never mentioned it until she felt God told her.

Kirk: She acted on it—she not only heard the voice of God—but then she responded to it. We’ll have generations that are blessed as a result of one person hearing and responding to God’s voice one time. Think of what I’ve missed out on in my Christian walk all these years because I haven’t done a great job of that! That’s something we want to grow in.

Julie: Prayer is a huge thing for me. I’ll get a nudge, or even coming on this radio show, this is totally out of my comfort zone.

Kirk: Yes; this isn’t her deal.

Ann: But you’re good at it.

Dave: You are!

Julie: I just chose to take the leap of faith. You know, I definitely notice nudges—somebody I need to pray for or say something to—and as I grow in my faith, it happens more and more. I’m just getting more confident and not feeling nervous to invite someone to Bible study or ask them a tough question. I just love the challenge now.

Dave: You know, Bob—maybe you know this, Kirk—God speaks in the pews.

Bob: Yes.

Dave: Pews—P-E-W-S—anybody want to take a guess at what that stands for?

Ann: I know what they are. [Laughter]

Dave: My wife has heard this sermon over and over! But it is interesting—when you answer that question, “How do you hear the voice of God?”—it could be audible; I mean, not that He couldn’t do that—but I always say, “the PEWS”:

“People”: He often will use a person or—He could use Cooper!—He can use a

 child; He can use a neighbor; He can use anybody/a pastor.

“Events”—closed doors, open doors, circumstances.

“Word of God”: You open the Word of God and He speaks.

“Spirit of God”—that nudge you’re talking about is probably the Spirit of God.

If we thought He still speaks—He wants us to hear and obey—it’d be like we’d be a head on a swivel—there’s a football term: head on a swivel—it’s like, “How’s He going to speak today? How’s He going to lead?” The big question is: “Will we obey?” If we do, a legacy could be at stake.

Bob: I think, when you’re in the Word regularly, and when you are intending to walk by the Spirit regularly—so you’re saying, “Okay, Lord; what do You have for me today?”—

Ann: You’re recognizing His voice.

Bob: —I think you hear it more often when you’re tuned in than when you’re distracted. I think that’s where we just have to—all of us—be saying, “How do I tune in today?” How do you hear on the radio?—you tune in the radio to get the right station. Well, you tune into God through His Word, by saying, “Lord, what do You have for me today?” and then see what He brings along through people, through events—like you said—I think that’s really good.

Dave: I would just like to say, as we close, “Thank you,”—

Ann: Yes.

Dave: —not just for being on this radio podcast—but for your commitment/your stand. It is a light that you’re—not just shining here in Minnesota—you’re shining it across the world. God is using you to make Him famous, so thank you for doing that; not everybody does that.

You two/man, you’re young; and yet, you say: “God, this isn’t about us. This is about You. You’ve given us this position; we want You to be honored and glorified”; and you’re doing it.

Ann: Thanks for your example.

Kirk: That’s kind of you to say that.

Julie: Yes; thank you.

Kirk: I need to also say, “Thank you,” to you all, because I drive around Minneapolis and my hometown in Michigan, and listen to FamilyLife^®—I hear you all on your show—so thanks for your content; thanks for the difference you’re making in so many people’s lives—just on my way home from work, giving me a nice boost of encouragement from your words.

Bob: Julie, thanks for stepping out of your comfort zone.

Ann: Way to go, Julie! [Laughter]

Julie: It wasn’t so bad.

Bob: You know, really, what you guys have been sharing with us today is an example of—Dave and Ann, what you guys talk about in your book—Vertical Marriage: it’s having a God-centered, God-focused marriage relationship.

Ann: Yes.

Dave: Yes.

Bob: It’s how marriage was designed to work. I know you guys [Kirk and Julie] have read Dave and Ann’s book, and I think you’ve seen the videos. We’re hoping that FamilyLife Today listeners—if you haven’t read Vertical Marriage, or if you haven’t gotten together with other couples to go through the small group series that Dave and Ann have done/the Vertical Marriage five-part DVD series—information about both of these resources is available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com.

You can call if you have any questions or if you’d like to order by phone; our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; look for information about Vertical Marriage, both the book and the small group series; or call if you have any questions or if you’d like to order by phone: 1-800-358-6329—that’s 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”

Now, finally, as we close out this week—our first full week of 2021—we, once again, just want to say, “Thank you,” to those of you who are, not only listeners to FamilyLife, but those of you who are cheerleaders, and supporters, and voters. Those of you who voted, during the month of December with a yearend contribution, you are making this program available in your community for, not just your family, but for your neighbors/your friends.

We are, together, effectively developing godly marriages and families—that’s the mission here at FamilyLife—and you’re a part of that mission as you support this ongoing work. So thank you for your yearend contributions—and don’t forget—we’re going to need your ongoing support throughout the year, so thanks for whatever you’re able to do here in 2021. Pray for us and for what God has for us for this year; we appreciate you.

We hope you have a great weekend! I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we’re going to talk about: “What is job number one for us, as parents?” Do you know what that is? We’ll talk about it next week. I hope you can be with us.

I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I’m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru^® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.

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