I Want to Punch You in the Face (But I Love Jesus): Sherri Lynn

Shelby: Hey, Shelby Abbott here. Just want to give a heads up before you listen to this next program. Today’s conversation on FamilyLife Today covers some sensitive but important subjects that might not be suitable for younger ears. So, please use discretion when listening to this next broadcast. Now, let’s jump into it.

Ann: Last week I got to spend some time with our two-year-old granddaughter and four-year-old grandson. They had gotten into their mom’s box of tampons. [Laughter]

Dave: I didn’t even know this.

Ann: Yes, I didn’t tell you. But anyway, they had four that were unwrapped, and the two-year-old granddaughter lifted it up in the air, and she said, “I get to use these someday, but you don’t.” She said that to her brother.

Dave: She really did?

Ann: Yes. I thought, “Oh, girl.” [Laughter] “Oh, girl. I hope you have that kind of enthusiasm about 12 years from now, or 10 years from now.”

Sherri: Poor baby!

Ann: Exactly.

Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.

Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!

Dave: Well, I’m just sitting over here thinking [that] our listeners are thinking, “Where in the world are we going today?” [Laughter] We have two women in the studio laughing about this!

Ann and Sherri: Yes!

Dave: And a guy over here saying, “Yep. We’re going there.” [Laughter] We’re going to talk about that time of the month.

Ann: Yes, because we have Sherri Lynn back with us in the studio today.

Sherri: Thank you. I honor you guys for even wanting to discuss this.

Ann: Right!

Sherri: I really do.

Ann: I know.

Sherri: I think people shy away from it because men don’t know what it is, so how do you even talk about it? Women know what it is, but you don’t want to be perceived as making an excuse for poor behavior.

Ann: Yes.

Sherri: So, we all don’t talk about it, and as women, it’s the majority of our lives.

Ann: Yes!

Sherri: I’m sorry; I just don’t think that is something God would require of me: “Don’t talk about that.” It goes back to something you said last time we were talking, and it’s the shame. The enemy likes darkness for shame. He likes to whisper that it’s just you, whisper that you’re the only one going through it, or you overreact more than anybody else.

So, what we do is we shine the light of God on it. We’re not giving excuses. I had someone say that to me: “Well, I don’t like talking about it, because it makes it feel like we’re giving excuses for being emotional.” I’m not. I’m saying, “This is a thing.””

Ann: It is a reality.

Sherri: It is real, right. And then whatever I allow the Holy Spirit to do, how I yield and “let this mind be in me that was also in Christ Jesus”—I have to still do all of those things. I also have to acknowledge that the way God made me, it’s going to be a little more difficult sometimes. Sometimes of the month it’s going to be a little more difficult.

Ann: We need to rely on the Holy Spirit even more sometimes.

Sherri: That’s right. That is absolutely right.

Ann: Which is why women are so spiritual.

Sherri: I think so. [Laughter] I think that’s what it is.

Dave: That’s what this show is really about. That’s why we’re here. [Laughter]

Ann: Yes, Dave, we’re so mature. We’re so mature.

Sherri: This is why we’re so mature.

Dave: I don’t know if you’re that spiritual because, Sherri, the title of your book— [Laughter] we mentioned this yesterday, but the book about PMS is titled, I Want to Punch You in the Face, But I Love Jesus.

Sherri: Yes.

Ann: Best title ever!

Sherri: I will be honest. I didn’t really think that through. I didn’t think what that was going to feel like every time I did an interview or every time I got on stage and had to say it. I thought, “Oh, you might have thought that through a little better,” but here we are.

Ann: But Sherri, when you talk to groups of women, like at a conference, what happens to your books?

Sherri: Sell out.

Ann: Right.

Sherri: Always sell out.

Dave: Why?

Ann: Because—

Sherri: Because no one’s talking about it, and because it’s fun and it’s funny. I put a big picture one time up on the screen—it’s in the book—of a hot dog that I ate during this time of the month, where you become a little more ravenous. So, I thought, “Well, let’s talk about that, because you want to eat everything in the world.” I asked women, “What’s the fattest thing you ate?” It’s listed there. I have a whole list of things. I couldn’t put them all in there.

Some of them were so wonderful; and I started with my own, which was this hot dog that was fried and then dipped in cheese twice and then fried again, so the cheese calcified all over the hot dog, with bacon and also fries and a milk shake. I did not feel bad about any of it. And then we went out for donut ice cream afterwards, where they had this donut, and they would put ice cream on top of it. So, that was my biggest thing. Then I asked women, and they just said it, and it takes the shame away.

Ann: There it is.

Sherri: Fear and shame are two of the biggest weapons of the enemy, right?

Ann: Yes.

Sherri: That you’re afraid that you’re different than everybody, so you’re ashamed. But man, the light of Christ will blast that out, so that’s why I believe in being really, really honest; being really, really frank. That’s why I love you guys, because you’re like that, too. This is a thing; this is what it is. People are set free with the truth.

Ann: Exactly.

Dave: Here’s the thing: men—we don’t get it.

Sherri: Right.

Dave: Even as I hear you talk, I’m still not sure I understand. [Laughter]

Sherri: Yes.

Dave: So, we thought today could be the Five Things Husbands—

Sherri: —okay—

Dave: —(this could be men) Should Not Do or Say During that Time of the Month.

Ann: Men, this is our gift to you. [Laughter]

Dave: Teach us!

Ann: You might have wanted to check out, but you need to check in.

Sherri: Right. This is it.

Dave: So, Sherri, do you have one?

Sherri: I do. My first one is: do not, under any circumstances, use the “R” word. The “R” word is “relax.” I know that makes perfect sense to you. I know that you’re looking, and you think, “That’s the answer! She needs to relax.” Hey, brother—brother in Christ, I’m not telling you you’re wrong. I’m just telling you, if you’d like to live to see your kids tomorrow, don’t do it. The female interpretation of “relax” is attack. [Laughter]

When we hear that—just think of an interpreter; when I hear that—it’s an attack. [In deep, masculine voice] “That doesn’t make any sense.” [Normal voice] “Exactly!” So don’t say it. That’s my first thing. [Laughter] I know it’s the thing you want to say.

Ann: Dads, of your teenage girls—oh, you light that fuse, and it’s like the pit bull could come out.

Sherri: Yes, because she has so much less experience, she doesn’t know. That’s why I wrote the book. Give it to her.

Dave: Do you know what, when you said, “That word is attack to us,” I thought, “You’re right! That’s what happens!” I don’t know why I kept saying it. Every time she went running across the kitchen [Laughter]: “YOU’ WANT ME TO RELAX? I’LL SHOW YOU HOW TO RELAX!” And I’m thinking, “That’s what I mean right there!” How stupid could I be? I kept saying it every day.

Ann:  Some of you men are like, “Okay. I never knew this.”

Sherri: Yes, that’s what I’m saying. That is a big one. Again, the diagnosis may be correct.

Ann: That’s good.

Sherri: She does need to relax. Just know, you saying it is not going to make that happen.

Dave: I just want to hear you do a man’s voice again. That’s funny every time.

Sherri: Brant always says to me, “Why do we all have to talk like that?” [Laughter]

Ann: We didn’t say it at the beginning, but you and Brant Hansen are on the radio every day. You have a podcast.

Sherri: Yes.

Dave: Brant and Sherri Oddcast.

Sherri: Yes, and we have been doing that show for 11 years.

Dave: It’s been 11 years?

Sherri: Yes, it’s been 11 years.

Dave: If you haven’t heard it, let me tell you—

Ann: Oh, it’s so good.

Dave: —it’s fabulous.

Sherri: Thank you.

Dave: You’ll laugh like you are right now.

Sherri:  I appreciate that.

Dave: And it’s also deep.

Sherri: Yes.

Dave: You dig into stuff.

Ann: And spiritual.

Sherri: Yes. Well, may I say this, actually? One time he said to me, “You’re always so kind,” because I asked him about this book: “Do I bring this here? You can tell me, like ‘Hey, there are certain times of the month where I can’t even ask you a question without you losing it.’” And he said to me, which was one of the greatest compliments I’ve ever had, “You are always kind to me, always kind to me.” And he said, “But there are times that I can tell you’re digging a little deeper to be kind.”

Ann: Ooh, that’s a compliment.

Sherri: I thought that was such a wonderful compliment, that you see the effort. Because guys, I am telling you, it is effort. Every hormone in your body is raging in the opposite direction.

Ann: Yes.

Sherri: Guys, think of what chemically rushes in you and causes you to want to go in another direction. Think about that. I’ll leave it to you. That’s what we’re dealing with for five, sometimes seven, sometimes ten—whatever—days that I am literally fighting against my body. My body is my enemy, right? And I’m fighting against it, not wanting to hurt the person I see in front of me, that I love.

Ann: That you love.

Sherri: I love with all my heart; and I can’t stand you, and I don’t know why. It’s irrational, but it’s true. I don’t want you breathing too loud. [Laughter]

Dave: You’re in the fight.

Ann: Not only that, but as women become menopausal—I remember I was in my early 40s, speaking at a marriage conference, and an older woman came up. She was probably in her mid-50s, and she said, “Girl, you have to talk about hormonal fluctuation, and your hormones being out of whack.”

Sherri: Yes.

Ann: I said, “Really? You think I should?” She said, “Well, let me tell you what happened at the mall last week. Something is wrong with me, because I’m at the mall with my family, my teenage kids. We’re all walking around.” She said, “And they keep saying, ‘Mom, go in this store. Mom, go in this store. Mom, go in this store.’ And there was a point where they were bugging me so bad that I’m in the middle of the mall. Do you know how they have those cute, little display tables for Christmas?” She said, “I screamed at the top of my voice, ‘I don’t want to go there’!” and she cursed. Then she takes the table, and she flips it.

Sherri: She did a Jesus in the Temple?

Ann: There it is. She flipped the table in the mall, and she said her husband came up to her quietly, and he just said, “Honey, we need to get you some help. We need to get you to the doctor.” She said, “My doctor just did some blood tests to see how my hormones were, and he said, ‘I don’t even know how you’ve been functioning’.”

Sherri: Yes.

Ann: So, this stuff is real. It physically affects us.

Sherri: It is. I remember going to the doctor, and her starting to tell me things that, “Oooh. Yes! That is exactly what I’m doing; that is exactly what I’m feeling!” And you’re able to regulate it. “Oh, okay.” This is happening to my body, and I know men don’t understand that because it’s not happening to them. If you could just understand this is not psychological.

Ann: Yes.

Sherri: This is physiological. This is happening to my body.

And you love that woman in front of you, right? If something were raging to come and get her you’d put your body in front of her to stop it, right?

Dave: Right.

Sherri: That’s what is happening, so if you could have compassion. You may not be able to have empathy, but if you could have compassion in that way, just like, “You literally made a fool of all of us in the mall,” and I come up to you and I say, “Hey, we probably need to get you some help.” Right?

Ann: Yes.

Sherri: So, if you could just feel that instead of—“relax” is really more about you than it is her, right?

Ann: Yes.

Sherri: It’s like, “I want this to end,” instead of, “What is best for her at this moment?”

Ann: That’s good.

Sherri: Because it is the woman that you love, and she doesn’t want to be going through it any more than you want to be on the other side of it.

Ann: Alright, number two.

Dave: Alright, Friday Five. We’ve just had one, and we only have—okay. We have to fly.

Sherri: Okay.

Dave: What’s two?

Ann: You go.

Dave: No, I’m talking to two women!

Ann: You’re not going to have any?

Dave: Well, I have one.

Ann and Sherri: Okay.

Dave: The only one I thought of was, “Guys, during this time of the month, don’t say to your wife, ‘Let’s have sex’.” [Laughter] Here’s what we do.

Sherri: I’m single, so I’m going to sit this one out and listen to the two of you. Go ahead.

Dave: We don’t say it, because we know that, but there can be a temptation to say, “It’s all about me, so I understand but can you just take care of me?” That is so selfish. That is so, “I don’t really care what you’re going through. Put it aside. It can’t be that big a deal.” This is one week or three days or five days, or maybe it’s ten days. You just love your wife.

Ann: “How can I serve you?”

Dave: Yes, “How can I be your partner in this?”

Ann: Yes.

Dave: Again, it’s like don’t say, “Relax.” The opposite of “relax” would be, “Tell me more. What does this feel like? How can I be a partner rather than trying to make you do what I want, even though it’s not the right time of the month for you.”

Ann: That’s good. I like it.

Dave: Yes, look at that. See how quickly a guy can explain something? [Laughter]

Sherri: Yes.

Dave: And then it’s over.

Sherri: Right.

Dave: Okay, let’s go back to you. [Laughter]

Ann: Well, mine is similar to all these things not to say: anything about, “Why do you have to be so emotional?” There is a part—

Dave: —this is personal. She’s coming after me right now.

Sherri: Good. I am enjoying the dynamic between the two of you. I wish I had some popcorn.

Ann: I tend to not be, generally, very emotional, and I’m not saying that it’s bad to be emotional, but I’m pretty steady. But when he comes in—

Dave: —steady? She cries maybe once a year.

Sherri: Okay.

Dave: When she cries, I’m dead. It’s bad.

Sherri: Actually, I’m like that, too.

Dave: Are you really?

Sherri: If someone says—if I’m crying, everybody clear the room.

Ann: Yes, you say that, but our listeners are thinking, “She cries all the time.”

Dave: I know. But I mean in our marriage, if you’re crying about something—

Ann: —I used to cry way more.

Dave: I’ve hurt you deeply.

Ann: Yes.

Dave: So, in terms of being very emotional, high and low, you’re not. You’re pretty steady.

Ann: Oh, so just to [not] say, “Why do you have to be so emotional?” What that’s saying to me is, “Stop having any emotion, because this is feeling me feel uncomfortable.” I hate that!

Sherri: Yes.

Ann: During that time of the month, I might be more emotional, so, instead of saying, “Why do you have to be so emotional?” Or to say that to your daughter, your teenage daughter—

Sheri: —oh, my goodness—

Ann: —that’s like death to her, and that’s a shaming word.

Sherri: It is, and she doesn’t know what’s happening to her yet. She’s young, so she doesn’t know, so to do that is to not just invalidate her feelings, because she’s young and she’s growing and she doesn’t get it yet, but you’re almost invalidating her. Do you know what I mean?

Ann: That’s what she feels.

Sherri: Yes. It’s a putdown that she’s going to have to try to rage against. Men, do all you can to support her during that time until she understands her body; until she starts to understand her emotions. It took some of us until our 30s. We’re on the other side, almost out of it. We’re like, “Oh, okay. Now I get it.” So, at that age, you have no idea what’s happening to you.

Ann: And even when they’re crying—when girls are crying and wives are crying—just be with her. Don’t judge it or be like, “Oh, it’s that time of the month again?” That sets us on fire, men. Or it makes us run away in shame, like “Here I am, failing again.”

Sherri: Right; yes.

Dave: I hope guys are taking notes. This is good. So, we have three.

Sherri: Okay, I have one more. All of mine are funny. You guys were really serious. [Laughter] “You’re having another one?” Now, that’s food. [Laughter] It doesn’t matter what it is: another wing, another piece of pizza, another piece of chocolate; I don’t care what it is.

Ann: This is not just that time of month. This is any—

Sherri: —yes. Please don’t ask me, “You’re having another one?” Just let me be, please. And then this is in conjunction with that: a lot of us have “go to” outfits during this time. [Laughter] Right?

Ann: [Laughter] These are things that I never thought we’d talk about.

Sherri: Well, they’re true, right?

Ann: Yes, it’s true.

Sherri: You have a go to outfit that is stretchy.

Dave: This is a thing?

Ann: Yes!

Sherri: It’s not going to make me feel uncomfortable. I look a little slimmer in it. It’s not buttoned, it’s not—whatever it is, okay? Now let me tell you something, guys: I will rock that outfit every doggone day.

Ann: Yes, you will!

Sherri: I don’t care. I’ll put it in the washer and dryer; I’m wearing it again. Do not say, “That again?” [Laughter] “Didn’t you have that on yesterday?” If she has the same outfit on for two days—

Dave: —say, “You look good, girl. Great outfit.”

Sherri: —get a clue: “I love that outfit on you.”

Ann: Yes!

Sherri: That’s going to help you out.

Ann: “Girl, you’re looking good.”

Sherri: Please say, “I love when you wear that.”

Ann: “Will you wear it again tomorrow?” [Loud laughter]

Sherri: “Fifth day. Let’s go for six!”

Ann: Actually, that’s true. When I come home from work, I put that on 20 days in a row.

Sherri: Yes, that’s it. “That again?” Don’t do that. We have a “go to” outfit that doesn’t make us feel bloated.

Dave: Just one?

Sherri: You may have one, two, or three you’re going to rotate, but there are pants that are dedicated for this time.

Ann: They are not tight.

Sherri: They are not tight, but especially the leggings and everything. I know we had a bunch of discussion about, “Oh, is that modest?” Hey, let me tell you something: that makes you feel good about you.

Ann: That’s right.

Sherri: Now, is it lying? “You’re not really that skinny!" [Laughter]

Ann: You’re feeling good until you see that picture somebody took, like “Ohhh.”

Sherri: “Those are skinny pants on a non-skinny girl.” I understand that for myself. However, they make me feel good, so I’m going to wear them so that I can feel good about myself, and I would tell a guy not to question that, but to support it. Say, “Wow! I love when you wear that!” [Laughter] You’re going to go far with that, sir.

Dave: That is good advice.

Sherri: You’re going to go far with that.

Ann: That’s so good. Alright, what’s your last one?

Sherri: That was my last one. Those were my two.

Dave: I have one more.

Sherri: Okay.

Ann: Oh, okay. Can yours be funny like hers? [Laughter]

Sherri: That’s so much pressure, Dave.

Dave: Well, I guess I don’t have one more. [Laughter] Mine was more serious again.

Sherri: No, go ahead. I like the serious ones.

Ann: We need the serious.

Dave: I thought—at least I do this. I don’t know if all guys do, but when you’re starting to talk about this subject, there’s a part of me—and I would say to husbands, don’t do this. Don’t say, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Ann: I have to say, as soon as we started reading the book, Sherri, Dave said, “I’m out.” [Laughter]

Ann: “I’m out. I’m not doing this.”

Sherri: It’s not going to work; not going to work.

Dave: Well, I remember, even as a young dad—I had three sons—being with my buddies, like Rob and Michelle, and they had daughters. They’d start talking about this at the dinner table, like this is a normal thing of their lives, which it is.

Sherri: Yes.

Dave: I’m like, “I’m going out to shoot baskets.” Seriously, this felt “Ugh. We have—” I didn’t grow up with it. My mom never talked about it, so it was like it was over there, and I didn’t have to deal with it. The reason I bring this up is: husbands, don’t do that, because this is the world that your women live in.

Ann: With your sons, too.

Sherri: Yes.

Dave: Yes, teach your sons this. But the other reason I thought this was sort of serious is, the church won’t talk about it either.

Ann: No.

Dave: The fact that you wrote this book, and a publisher won’t touch it—

Sherri: —yes—

Dave: —is because it’s in the Christian world, and churches are going to be like, “No”—

that’s important to talk about, but this is something that should be talked about.

Ann: It’s how God made us.

Sherri: And it’s our lives. It’s our lives, so if you love that woman, it’s a part of her life. Brant, again, said something so wonderful. He was talking about this issue with his wife, and he said to himself, “No, this is what you wanted. You asked God for a wife. You asked God for a human woman. That’s what she is. This is what she goes through, and so you care about that because you care about her.”

“You can’t take a piece of her, a big, huge piece of her and say, ‘I don’t want to talk about that,’ when it’s the majority of her life, and it’s going to disrupt her life every single month for every single year that you all are together. Do you know how much you’re dismissing of her?”

Dave: Yes.

Ann: Oh, yes.

Sherri: If you love her, this is a part of that. Learn about it as much as you can.

Dave: I was thinking, because again, I shy away from that, if a husband said to his wife or a dad said to his daughter at the right age, “Tell me how this makes you feel, this whole thing of your life?” Would that make the wife feel honored?

Sherri: Oh, my goodness.

Ann: And the daughter.

Sherri: The wife, yes, but your daughter is going to just melt, because that means Dad—she’s hearing other guys make fun of it.

Ann: Yes.

Sherri: She’s hearing other guys shame her for it. If her father comes and says, “Tell me what this feels like. How can Dad make this better? What can Dad do for you so that it’s not that difficult?” You have opened something there, not just physically. You have opened something spiritually, because one of the funniest lines in the Bible to me is when Jesus said, “If you, being evil.”

That’s so funny to me because He’s looking at people saying, “If you, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more does your Heavenly Father?” You’ve opened something up. If my earthly father is willing to sit down and talk to me about something that doesn’t actually affect him, but affects me to a point, and I don’t understand why, then how much more does my Heavenly Father care? You’re opening up a really, really good channel there for her and her Heavenly Father.

Ann: Because if it’s never talked about, which was my family, I felt shame: “I need to keep it a secret.”

Sherri: Yes.

Ann: I wish it would have been openly talked about, and then had my dad said that to me, I’d have probably cried.

Sherri: Oh my gosh, you’ll collapse into tears. And you can acknowledge, “I know this is weird.”

Ann: Yes.

Sherri: “I know that Dad doesn’t get it, and Dad wants to understand: ‘This is a big part of you, honey, and it’s going to be’.” Take her out for ice cream; take her out for something. “Now explain to me what you’re going through, and I want you to know, every month, when you are going through this, if there is a part that is just wrecking you, the door is open. You can come to me and talk to me about it.”

Ann: Yes.

Sherri: “I won’t understand it physically, but because I love you, I’m going to listen to you. I’m not going to judge you, I’m not going to shame you; I’m going to affirm you.” You’ll be raising a queen there.

Ann: Even to sit in the miracle of, “You have the potential to give life.: That’s a miracle, ‘

Sherri: Yes.

Ann: “[It’s] something that a man will never experience. You have that potential in your body. That’s something to celebrate.”

Sherri: Yes.

Shelby: You know, empathy unlocks something with others that really is, as Sherri said, something spiritual. I want to do that, not only with my wife, but with my daughters as they approach that age, and it’s coming. It’s coming! It’s coming soon. I want to open something up with my girls that helps them appreciate Jesus more because I show them empathy in their pain.

I’m Shelby Abbott, and you’ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Sherri Lynn on FamilyLife Today. What a great conversation! Sherri has two things that I want to talk to you about. She has a podcast with Brant Hansen called The Brant and Sherry Oddcast. You can find the link to that in our show notes below.

But she also has a book called, get this, I Want to Punch You in The Face, But I Love Jesus. It’s a frank conversation around PMS, and you can get it in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com.

Earlier this week, we had on Jeff Kemp, former NFL player and author. He’s written a book called Receive: The Way of Jesus for Men. If you want to grow as a man and reach your potential as someone who walks with Jesus, it’s going to take a team effort, and this book will help you to understand that you need to gather people around you as you walk with God.

It’s going to be our gift to you when you partner with us financially here at FamilyLife Today. You can go online to FamilyLifeToday.com or give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329. Again, that number is 800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word “TODAY.”

Happy Friday! I hope you have a great weekend. I want to ask you to pray for all the Weekend to Remember^® marriage events that are happening starting today through Sunday in Detroit, Estes Park, and Louisville. With over 40 events across the country, they are still happening between right now and the spring, and there’s still time to find a location near you. You can go to WeekendtoRemember.com, find a location, and make your marriage a priority.

Now, coming up next week, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be joined by Jeff Myers as he talks about parenting, worldview, and guiding our youth through their doubts. That’s next week. We hope you’ll join us.

On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I’m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

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