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What are your Christmas traditions? Trimming the tree? Baking and decorating cookies? Cooking special dishes reserved for the holiday season? If you’re a parent, surely it includes a family gift exchange.

Growing up, those were all traditions we followed, and when I got married and had kids of my own, it was a no-brainer to bring those same traditions into my newly established family.

However, six years and four kids into my parenting journey, I found myself dreading what was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. Shopping for gifts was taking up all my time post-Thanksgiving, on top of church Christmas play rehearsals, recitals, and countless Christmas gatherings. I was at my wit’s end. I had come to associate the holiday season with utter chaos and overwhelming fatigue.

One December night, frazzled, I asked my husband, Moses, a rhetorical question: “What if we stopped giving Christmas gifts to the kids?”

To my surprise, he didn’t immediately shut down my idea. I guess it wasn’t a rhetorical question after all. By the time the next Christmas rolled around, we had made our decision: gift exchanges would be no more in the Sanchez household. The harder task would be getting our extended family on board. 

Rethinking the Christmas gift exchange

To paint a picture for you, as a first-generation Filipino-American, Christmas is a main event to say the least. There’s an old joke that Filipinos only celebrate Christmas during the months that end in “ber.” If you’ve ever visited the Philippines anytime after September 1, you would see that’s no exaggeration. Not to mention, I have four sisters close in age, and I’m the only one with kids. The tita (aunt) temptation to spoil your nieces and nephews is real, and my parents could hardly help but overindulge their only grandkids.

I’ll never forget the dread I felt as I sent a text to our extended family, politely asking them to skip the gift exchange. I was careful to avoid questioning their motives. Instead, I explained we would reserve birthdays as a time to shower our kids with presents. 

The Christmas season would be our opportunity as a family to emphasize other values: 

1. We want to create memories as a family. In other words, we want to emphasize experiences over things.

My family and I live in New York City, and are fortunate enough to have access to plenty of festive Christmas activities. One experience we’ve experienced together is visiting the famous Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree and the Holiday Train Show at Grand Central Terminal. Another memory we’ve experienced as a family for the past several years has been staying at a friend’s cabin in the Poconos over the days leading up to Christmas and spending quality time there eating junk food, watching our favorite holiday movies, and playing board games. 

2. We want our kids to prioritize serving others.

We’ve given out bags of coffee to strangers we pass by on the street, or gift cards to the workers at the bodegas we frequent (small grocery stores common in NYC; if you know, you know), or baked cookies for our neighbors in our apartment building. 

In the animated short film A Charlie Brown Christmas, the wise sage Charlie Brown bemoans the fact that materialism has upstaged the celebration of Christ’s birth and a spirit of generosity has been nearly forgotten during the holiday season. I couldn’t agree more.

Several questions sparked our decision to redefine Christmas traditions for our family:

• Could there be an alternative to the self-centered, materialistic, American cultural celebration of Christmas?
• We have the responsibility as parents to shape the values of a generation that will outlive us, how will we steward this well?

Replacing the gift exchange with new holiday traditions

We are now six years into our holiday tradition, and as expected, we have tweaked it a bit (although the same values steer any changes we make). We still don’t do traditional gift exchanges, but we do a “Secret Santa” in which each kid is randomly assigned a sibling to shop for at Five Below. 

We’ve been consistent for the past three years to get away to the Poconos, sometimes at our friends’ cabin and sometimes at a Christian camp site. We now have a hot cocoa bar and watch our favorite Christmas movies while chomping on homemade popcorn. One year, my sisters joined us and the plastic wrap game tradition was born, in which small toys and candies are wrapped tightly within a ball of plastic wrap and players take turns unwrapping, keeping any prize that falls out during their turn. For the past five years, we’ve visited Dyker Heights in Brooklyn, known for their lavish Christmas lights displays, and the kids look forward to buying overpriced ice cream from trucks that line each block of the neighborhood. 

I know some of you may be reading this and thinking: “Grinch–ahem. I mean, Marilette, that all sounds noble, but my kids would hate me.” Or maybe, “What would my parents think if I deprived them of the chance to spoil their grandkids?” 

To which I would just offer a couple paradigm shifts that would apply whether or not you decide to buy presents.  

• What if we valued experiences and quality time over more “stuff”? In lieu of toys, you can offer a trip to the ice cream shop, a movie, concert or sporting event, or maybe consider a gift that keeps on giving like a year-long membership to a museum or botanical gardens.
• What if we valued buying educational toys or enhancing a current talent or interest? Instead of buying the latest flashy toy that your kid will lose interest in within a couple of days, what if you bought your musically-inclined child a new keyboard or guitar? Do you have a budding artist in your midst? Try buying them a new art kit, easel, or even art lessons for the year. 

Choose what’s right for your family

I recently asked my family members if they remember their initial reaction to that infamous text. To my surprise, my sisters recall not minding at all. One of them, whose love language is quality time, was excited for the opportunity to redirect her funding toward things she could experience alongside the kids. Two were relieved to at least have the opportunity to spoil the kids on their birthdays with no limits. One of them was excited at the prospect to be innovative and create new traditions. 

My mom recalls her and my dad’s disappointment in not being able to see the excitement on the kids’ faces while opening presents during Christmas. I concede that there are different dynamics at play between being a grandparent versus a parent. All that to say, I have a newfound respect for my parents who respected our boundaries, despite not wholeheartedly agreeing with our family’s decision. 

My intention in sharing our nontraditional family tradition is not to be closed-minded and pushy about all families needing to follow in our footsteps. I simply want to encourage parents not to mindlessly follow the traditions thrust upon us by society at large. Instead, let’s realize the freedom we have to create our own family traditions and values. 

As parents, we get to choose what is best for our family in each season. We have every right to switch up the status quo, and must remind ourselves often that there is always room to tweak and pivot from the “normal” as time goes on. I hope hearing a snippet of my family’s story can be a reminder to others of the freedom we have available to us in Christ in our parenting journey and beyond.

Adapted from “Why I’m Rethinking Gift Exchanges This Christmas,” originally published on Marilette Sanchez.com. Used with permission. Copyright © 2023 by Marilette Sanchez. All rights reserved.

Marilette Sanchez is a New Yorker passionate about finding the connections between God, relationships, and pop culture. She is wife to Moses, a homeschooling mom to five young children, and a full-time missionary with FamilyLife. She believes there is more to the Christian life than hypocrisy and more to pop culture than shallow art. College sweethearts and NYC natives, she and her husband, Moses, are FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® speakers known for their transparency and their ability to inject their love of hip hop and pop culture into their discussions of love, sex and marriage. She has recently co-founded an online apparel company to raise awareness for mental health issues in the church and communities of color. Follow her parenting and homeschooling journey on Instagram at @bigcitybigfamily and her musings on womanhood and pop culture at marilettesanchez.com. 

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The holidays can be a stressful time juggling visitations, planning family activities, and managing all the feelings in the Christmas season. Emotions in blended families are often magnified during Christmas. Gayla Grace and Ron Deal offer practical ways to be sensitive and promote positivity so your holiday can be a truly joyous time.
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Sitting across from my widowed friend, I watched dread come over her face at the mention of Mother’s Day. In the years since her husband’s death, a day that should be something to look forward to has become one more holiday that spotlights her loneliness. I can relate.  

The bitterness of my first Mother’s Day without my husband was sweetened by friends and family. Bouquets of flowers arrived on my porch and a friend teamed up with my son to surprise me with gifts and treats. I got together with another single mom, and we enjoyed a walk at a botanical garden followed by ice cream with our sons. But that day also held bad attitudes, complaints, and a general lack of gratitude from my son. Unlike in years past, when my husband would ensure that my day was full of encouragement and appreciation, I was now dealing with a crabby child alone. I missed him, but I also missed having someone in my corner.

By my second Mother’s Day as a single mom, my support from others had dropped off steeply. I had to figure out how to celebrate on my own.  

Although my heart wasn’t in it, I planned a celebration. My son needed someone to model for him that motherhood is worth celebrating so he will grow up to be a man who celebrates the mothers in his life. We made the best of the day, but what I longed for most was a break. 

Caring for single moms 

The day in, day out responsibilities of single moms are exhausting. Making dinner, caring for sick kids, reviewing homework, grocery shopping, doing taxes, making or scheduling home repairs, balancing budgets, planning for the future, and juggling all the other things that are barely manageable when shared by two become the responsibility of one. One day, children may mature to a point of understanding the sacrifices moms make. But for those with young kids, that day is not today.

For widows like me, there is an initial outpouring of support that fades with time. But single moms by any other means may find themselves without any outpouring of support, even during the first year. Far too often, Mother’s Day becomes one more day for a mom to handle alone.

This should not be happening in the family of God. Scripture urges us to care for widows. First Timothy 5:3-4 (NLT) says, “Take care of any widow who has no one else to care for her. But if she has children or grandchildren, their first responsibility is to show godliness at home and repay their parents by taking care of them. This is something that pleases God.” 

How often do we skip over this verse or forget God calls us to care for the women in our midst? God’s word is clear: This responsibility belongs to the body of Christ. We who value the role of mothers should be the first to care for and celebrate the ones who are raising their children alone.  

Mother’s Day ideas for the single mom

This Mother’s Day, what if you committed to putting this verse into action? What if you brainstormed Mother’s Day ideas, not just for your own mother, but for a mother who may otherwise be overlooked? The celebration doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. Every gesture, no matter how small, will be treasured.  

Here are six Mother’s Day ideas to inspire you:

1. Help her kids celebrate her.

Young kids love to give their moms special gifts and cards but can’t do it alone. Arrange a time to take her children shopping for little surprise gifts. Give each kid $5 and let them show their appreciation by picking out something meaningful to them. Or invite her kids over and provide the supplies they need to make a handmade gift or card.

2. Acknowledge her daily sacrifices.

Single moms long to be appreciated and need encouragement to press on. Simply acknowledging her sacrifices is a meaningful gift. Send a card or text message letting her know that you are proud of her for being faithful to the difficult, lonely, and often thankless task of raising kids alone. 

If you are a pastor who is encouraging moms on Mother’s Day, don’t forget to give a special mention to those who are parenting alone.

3. Take something off her to-do list.

Single moms take care of every detail for their family every day. Mother’s Day is a great opportunity to give her a break from this ongoing responsibility.  

4. Give the gift of rest.

Single moms rarely get a break. Watch her kids or pay a sitter for a couple hours the week before Mother’s Day (or on the day itself!) so she can enjoy some respite. Team up with friends or a church small group to give her the gift of a massage and arrange childcare. Or invite her kids for a sleepover and let her get a much-needed full night’s sleep.

5. Get her in family pictures.

Moms are usually behind the camera, but this is even more so for single moms. Mother’s Day is the perfect time to surprise her with a family photo session with a local photographer. Many have deals around Mother’s Day, and she will treasure pictures of herself with the kids she loves so much.

6. Send a simple gift to show you care.

If you don’t live close by, or are unable to devote time to caring for her, a simple gift speaks volumes. A bouquet of flowers, favorite coffee roast, calming candle, delicious chocolates, or encouraging devotional are easy to send and fun to receive.  Little surprises can brighten her day and help her feel special and cared for as a person. Not just a mom.

However you choose to show care to single moms this Mother’s Day, your gesture of support and encouragement will be significant. You will be showing the love of Jesus to someone who desperately needs it. Let’s love the single moms in our midst with words and actions this Mother’s Day, remembering that “religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world” (James 1:27).  

Copyright © 2023 by Elise Boros. All rights reserved.

Elise Boros lives outside of Washington, D.C. and spends her days raising her son and investing in the lives of college students through the campus ministry of Cru.  As a young widow, she is passionate about helping other people walk with God through grief and sorrow in an authentic way.  Elise blogs monthly as part of the content team for Songs in the Night, a widow discipleship ministry.  You can read about her and her husband’s journey through and beyond heart transplant at Waiting For True Life or follow along as she tells their story on instagram @waitingfortruelife.

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What’s Jesus’ resurrection have to do with your life right here, right now? Acclaimed apologist Dr. Jeremiah Johnston makes his case: Resurrection changes everything. He sets out to show why Jesus’ victory over death is central to your faith and how we view suffering and death. Johnston examine the latest archaeological and textual findings and presenting tangible, fresh reasons to believe Jesus really rose from the dead.

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Does actual proof of Jesus’ resurrection exist? Acclaimed apologist & scholar Dr. Jeremiah Johnston has found the body of proof overwhelming.
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Learn more about Jeremiah on his website.
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If you’re like most Christian families, you’re busy finding the other sock or discovering what stickiness you just stepped in on the kitchen floor. But maybe, in the chaos of track practice and making sure there’s toilet paper, you want to make sure you keep the most important thing the main thing.

What if you took five minutes each day for prayers for Easter and Holy Week, to remind your (slightly messy) family what this season’s been all about for centuries?

Allow me to simplify just one of your many tasks this week. Maybe around the dinner table, in the morning just before everyone scatters for the day, or at bedtime, invite a different family member to pray these simple daily prayers for Easter and Holy Week. Each Scripture and prayer follow Jesus’ steps in a week that changed the world.

(Tip: Try reading these Scriptures in a kid-friendly version, like the NIrV or The Message.)

Daily Prayers for Holy Week and Easter

Sunday

Read: Matthew 21:1-11

Jesus, we’re thankful for Palm Sunday, one of Your few days on earth when the world glimpsed Your true identity as King. Celebrations with donkeys and palm trees don’t begin to give You what You deserve.

But most of those who celebrated You on Sunday deserted you by Friday, the day of Your death. You weren’t the King who would do what they wanted. It can be hard to follow You when You don’t immediately relieve our pain, defeat our enemies, or give us what we want most.

Cause us to be loyal to You, choosing You as King every day, from the inside out. Even when we don’t understand.

Monday

Read: Matthew 21:12-16, James 1:19-20

On the Monday before You died, we saw Your passion for justice. You experienced holy anger against those in the temple cheating the poor and selling overpriced animals for them to be able to worship God.

Your anger was so different from the Pharisees’ anger that day, who didn’t want to give up their power to You. Both of you had something precious you were defending. But only One was defending God’s heart.

Please change us inside. Make any anger in us holy.

In our prayers for Holy Week, we also pray this Franciscan prayer:

May God bless us with discomfort

At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships

So that we may live from deep within our hearts.

May God bless us with anger

At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of God’s creations

So that we may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless us with tears

To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war,

So that we may reach out our hands to comfort them and

To turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless us with just enough foolishness

To believe that we can make a difference in the world,

So that we can do what others claim cannot be done:

To bring justice and kindness to all our children and all our neighbors who are poor. Amen.

Tuesday

Read: Mark 9:30-32

Lord, You knew loving and obeying Your Father and loving us would lead You right into Your death. But You didn’t back down, hide, or love less.

Thank You for keeping Your eyes on bigger rewards, like bringing us back to You, overthrowing death’s power on this planet, and the eternal honor You deserve from God (Philippians 2:5-10; Hebrews 2:9-10, 12:3). Thank You for trusting God and moving out in courage more than the fear You faced (Luke 22:41-44).

In the ways we love others, help us to be brave and self-sacrificing. Don’t let us lose sight of the long-term rewards for obeying and loving You. We know You never turn away from us (Matthew 28:20, Hebrews 13:5-6). Thank You that we never have to do the hard things (or the easy things!) alone.

Wednesday  

Read: Mark 14:1-11

Father, thank You for anointing Jesus’ body even before He died, and for the way Jesus defended this beautiful, over-the-top act of worship, pointing Him out as our priest and King. Thank You that in giving us Jesus, You don’t hold anything back from us, either (Romans 8:32).

We want to love You with what looks like excess to the rest of the world. Inspire us in every resource You’ve given us to give what is precious and what costs us much, for You.

“Lord, it is fitting to rejoice in your beauty and to gaze upon your handiwork. While others may call this a waste of time, we recognize that unless we sit in adoration of you, we will forget whom we serve and for what purpose. Remind us why worship is always our first response to you. Amen.”^[1]

Thursday

Read: Luke 22:14-23, Mark 9:35

Holy God, today we remember all the ways, at Your last meal before Your death, You chose to be broken and weak among the people You created.

You gave us an example of taking a slave’s job, washing feet. And in serving the first Communion meal, “The bread is a broken body, and the wine is poured like shed blood. Both grain and grapes have to be crushed and broken to become something new together.”^[2]

Please teach us to live like this. Show us how to serve others more than honor, comfort, or being important. Deep inside of us, show us Your humble ways so we can choose Your reward instead.

Friday

Read: Isaiah 53:1-12 (The Message paraphrase recommended)

Jesus, You were the one who freed us, but You were arrested.

You brought us justice, but You were put through an unjust, abusive trial.

You are all-powerful, but You chose to be overpowered.

You were sad and afraid, so we could have comfort and joy forever.

You were thirsty, so we could have Living Water.

You died in sudden darkness, so we could live in constant light.

You were rejected, so we could be accepted by God.

You were shamed and despised, so we could be honored and loved.

You were wounded and pierced, so we could be healed and whole.

You took God’s anger, so we could have peace forever.

You were defeated, so we could win over death and sin.

God turned away from You, so He could always be with us.

You died, so we could live.

Thank you, Jesus.

Saturday

Read: Psalm 33:20-22, Lamentations 3:25

Lord, there are a lot of tears on the way to the resurrection You’ve planned.^[3]

We remember the disciples hiding on this day, afraid not only of their own lives and the Pharisees but also that they’d trusted You and lost everything. They had no idea You would rise again (Mark 9:31-32). They thought You were just … dead.

They didn’t know they were waiting. They just had to trust You with all their questions. 

In all the ways we feel disappointed, the times You don’t act as we expect, and the times we mistakenly think You aren’t good after all, help us instead trust You and how much You love us.

We choose to believe You can and will do more than we ask, think, or imagine (Ephesians 3:20-21, 1 John 4:16). Thank You for being bigger and better than we ever thought—even when we are afraid and sad. 

Sunday

Read: John 20:11-18, Job 19:25-27

Thank You that You really are alive and that, someday, we’ll see You with our own eyes. Help us understand how astounding this day is and all that means.

We love that Your resurrection isn’t just an ancient miracle. You defeated death, our greatest enemy, and You continue to give us victory over every other enemy and threat, including things we’re afraid of or feeling defeated by right now. Your Holy Spirit helps us defeat the ways of sin and death every day of our lives.

Give us Your power to conquer, as You did. 

“Lord Jesus Christ, you have triumphed over the powers of death and prepared for us a place in the New Jerusalem. Grant that we, who have this day given thanks for your resurrection, may praise you in that city of which you are the light and where you live and reign forever and ever. Amen.”^[4]

[1] Claiborne, Shane; Enuma Okoro; and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove. Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals (p. 116). Grand Rapids: Zondervan (2010). Kindle Edition.

[2] Ibid, p. 224.

[3] Ibid., p. 169.

[4] Ibid, p. 30.

Copyright © 2023 Janel Breitenstein. All rights reserved.

Janel Breitenstein is an author, freelance writer, speaker, and frequent contributor for FamilyLife, including the Art of Parenting®, and regular articles and downloads. After five and a half years in East Africa, her family of six returned to Colorado, where they continue to work on behalf of the poor with Engineering Ministries International. Her book, Permanent Markers: Spiritual Life Skills to Write on Your Kids’ Hearts (Harvest House), empowers parents to creatively engage kids in vibrant spirituality. You can find her—“The Awkward Mom”—having uncomfortable, important conversations at JanelBreitenstein.com, and on Instagram @janelbreit.

The post Prayers for Easter and Holy Week for Families appeared first on FamilyLife®.

What if your New Year’s resolution this year was to let God love you? What if it was to let God be rich in mercy to you in a way that you’ve never let him before? How would that change the way you thought about this coming year? Or more importantly, how would that change the way you interacted with God this year? Let’s allow ourselves to be lifted into growth instead of trying to crowbar ourselves into growth. As 2023 rolls in, you’re going to love this special, short bonus episode with my guest: pastor and author Dane Ortlund.
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It’s the most wonderful time of year! Wait … is it really? We want Christmas to be a season that feels magical. But too often, we feel disappointment, stress, sadness, and loneliness. Listen to Ron Deal’s conversation with author and former co-host of FamilyLife Today Bob Lepine on how to find lasting joy this holiday season.
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I buried my husband on New Year’s Eve. His unexpected death came in the midst of the holiday season—just six days before Christmas and twelve days before the new year.

When death came, I resented that the world kept turning. Time felt as if it was standing still and I thought it should. My life had come to a crashing halt. How could everyone else continue as if nothing had changed?

The turning of the year felt like another blow. My husband had been alive in 2020. But 2021? It would exist without him. It was a year his life wouldn’t touch—365 days I would have to face without him by my side.

It’s hard to believe I am about to do this … again. 2022 is coming to a close and soon the calendar will say 2023. Another year without his presence. Another year further from the days when we laughed together at our son’s antics while decorating our Christmas tree. Another year of solo parenting. Another year of digging deeper than I ever have before to take care of our son and manage our life by myself.

A lesson from grief

Grief has taught me nothing more profoundly than how fleeting life really is. It’s so easy to assume life will be long and we will get our fill of days. We assume we will grow old with our spouses, hold our grandchildren someday, and maybe even check some wild experiences off of our bucket lists.

Grief has taught me this isn’t always so. My husband died at 35. Thirty-five short years and then he slipped away. I couldn’t hold on to him no matter how hard I tried.

Since the day the dirt was placed over his grave and I stood numb with shock and despair, I’ve seen life differently. Through the eyes of grief, I look at my son and know I may not get to watch him grow to adulthood. I see my possessions and realize some day they will all be left behind. I check my calendar with the startling realization that I have far less control over how my life will unfold tomorrow than my carefully logged events would make it seem. I hear women complain about their husbands and I ache for reasons to complain about mine. I see people living as if their lives will never end and I feel an urgency to shake them out of their slumber.

Life is a vapor

The Bible confirms these things are true. We’re reminded in James 4:14 that, “you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”

With the turn of a new year, we’re encouraged to find ways to live better—to be better—than before. This world offers us many things to “live” for. We can live for success; for making a name for ourselves and achieving our goals. We can live for family; to make our relatives proud and carry on the culture or legacy we come from. We can live for happiness; pursuing anything and everything that claims it will give us a moment of escape or satisfaction. 

We long for peace and hope these things will bring rest to our souls. Yet rarely do we ask if they are truly worth living for. Rarely do we stop to consider that our lives could end tomorrow and everything we’ve worked so hard for could be lost in an instant.   

Have we taken time to ponder if we are ready for death to come?

Holding life loosely

In 2020, with no idea how my life was about to radically change, I spent the morning baking Christmas cookies for the family cookie-decorating party we had planned for the following afternoon. But the next day, instead of sitting around the kitchen table laughing and singing along to Christmas carols with sticky fingers covered in icing, we found ourselves huddled together, surrounded by piles of wet tissues, trying to wrap our minds around the events that led to my beloved’s body being taken away in the middle of the night.  

Sometimes we expect that tomorrow will be as fun as Christmas cookies, but instead, it is as sorrowful as the grave. We truly do not know what tomorrow will bring.

As I start another new year without my husband, I am reminding myself to hold onto this life loosely. I will endeavor to hug my people often and make sure they know I love them. I will try to savor the little moments and the precious gift of time with the ones I love. And I will strive to live in light of what grief has taught me about the fleeting nature of life.  

After all, tomorrow is not guaranteed.  

Copyright © 2022 Elise Boros. All rights reserved.

Elise Boros lives outside of Washington, D.C., and spends her days raising her son and investing in the lives of college students through the campus ministry of Cru. As a young widow, she is passionate about helping other people walk with God through grief and sorrow in an authentic way. Elise blogs monthly as part of the content team for Songs in the Night, a widow discipleship ministry. You can read about her and her husband’s journey through and beyond heart transplant at Waiting For True Life or follow along as she tells their story on Instagram @waitingfortruelife.

The post Another New Year Without My Husband appeared first on FamilyLife®.