I should start by saying my daughter’s fine. When I heard the thump, though, I thought I’d broken my baby girl. Actually, my first reaction was “What the heck was that?”

Pulling up the blinds in the bedroom, I had no idea what would make that noise down at my feet—this double whump-thump. I looked down and it all made terrible sense. My 6-month-old had rolled herself off our bed where I’d sat her. Whump: her hitting the floor. Thump: her head bonking the banister.

I still fight against shame thinking about it. She was completely fine … but what if?

“What if” keeps me up at night as unwanted thoughts intrude, nightmares of terrible ways I could let my family down. For years, the best way I found to exercise those demons was to share this story with everyone I met. I just needed to get the info out there and see if people would unfriend me on Facebook. What I found shocked me–nearly every parent I told had a similar story. I heard tales of accidents that made me feel like I was doing PRET-ty well, all things considered.

These confessions of imperfect fathers ended up being a surprise gift for a dad in need of encouragement.

Need a gift for dad? Try some encouragement

Dads live in the eye of a storm, trying to keep our family in that sweet safe spot as the wind whips and the torrents surge. Life is chaos, and it turns out that many of the things we love most are fragile. We can’t keep our family sheltered from the storms, try as we might.

Sisyphus was this dude from Greek mythology who did something super messed up. Some god caught wind of Sis’ shenanigans and thought, Enough of that. Punishment time: Sisyphus had to roll a boulder up a hill. If he got it to the top, he was done. But the gods rigged it—he could never get it all the way up there. He got distracted, some bird pecked his toe. It rolled back down. Like pinball, but all the fun sucked out.

Fatherhood can feel like that—another day, another boulder, never getting over the hump of finding complete safety and security for the family. It’s exhausting. 

As a dad, here’s what helps me get out of the Sisyphus hopelessness. And if you’re looking for a gift for dad, it’s where I’d start.

1. Give dad the gift of recognition.

Reese Bobby drilled a terrible mantra into the head of his racing legend of a son, Ricky Bobby: “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” I resonate with that sentiment (even though my father was way better—I see you, Dad!). I focus more on my failures than I do my successes.

So when looking for a gift for dad this Father’s Day, consider reminding him of the ways he’s succeeded–especially the things that don’t feel like wins. Cutting the grass doesn’t feel like a win. Neither does taking out the trash. They’re just things dads do, right? Yet, they make an impact. Homes would be stinkier. Grass would be taller.

Hebrews 3:13 (NIV) tells us to “encourage one another daily … so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” As a dad, I’m tempted to focus only my failings, calcifying into a bitter man. Help us remember that even though we might break something sometimes, we’re also building something. God made us dads to be successes. Perfection and success don’t live on the same block. If you’re trying to be perfect, you’ll be a success, but you won’t be able to realize it.

Which leads me to my next gift idea.

2. Give dad the gift of forgiveness.

I’m wading into deep waters here–your dad might have done terrible things. If that’s the case, I’m not saying to just willy-nilly up and forgive everything—not without a lot of processing, counsel and prayer.

But even if your dad is a great guy, chances are he’s got something he regrets doing (or not doing). Something like when I let my daughter slide down a slide all by herself (she was 1), and she ended up in the ER with a cut lip and a scar that might last forever.

Ugh, I was so confident in that moment—the slide was so tiny and I was right there watching, phone in my pocket for a change—and still it happened. I remember all the parents crowding around as her lip gushed blood, offering crumpled napkins and hesitant advice. I could read the accusations in their eyes. Now I realize they were just mirrors reflecting my own shame.

Ephesians 4:32 recommends we “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” That’s a great verse to apply to a father!

Why not try asking your dad if there’s anything in his parenting journey he regrets or would have done differently and process it through with him? Tell him it’s okay, you forgive him. And if you can see the positive side of what happened, like something it taught you, feel free to share that. Lighten dad’s load by letting him know he doesn’t have to carry the weight of that moment with him any longer.

3. Give dad the gift of growth.

Legendary movie dad Tom Callahan left a big impression, even though he only lasted about 12 minutes into the movie. He expressed belief in his son, “Tommy Boy,” and dispensed wise advice, including, “In business, you’re either growing or you’re dying—ain’t no third direction.”

That applies pretty well to fatherhood, too. I saw a sign in my gym the other day that read, “You don’t stop exercising because you get old. You get old because you stop exercising.” Two bumper stickers, one point: As dads, we’re never done learning.

Dads, what if we judged ourselves according to how we father tomorrow?

I’m 42, and I cut my own grass for the first time two weeks ago. I was so proud.  It took me two hours—one hour to cut the grass, and when the mower needed refueling, one solid hour trying to figure out how the gas can worked. It feels ludicrous to me to feel pride in doing something that is Dad 101, but I’d learned and grown.

There’s a way for every Dad to grow—some part of life he hasn’t yet experienced or conquered. Find him a gift that helps him to see it. Has your dad read your favorite book, seen your go-to movie, or played the game you would totally crush him at? The opportunity to learn is the real gift that keeps on giving—take that, Jelly of the Month Club. Shift your focus from what he has been, done, and liked, to what you dream for him in the future. No more diminishing returns—you’re restarting the process!

4. Give dad the gift he doesn’t know he wants.

I tried this with my dad once. I saw someone using a “headlight”—a flashlight you strap to your forehead—and thought, I bet my dad would like one of these! So that’s what he got from me for Christmas. When he opened it, he was (pretty obviously) unimpressed. He thanked me, but he looked down at it like, “Where can I store this piece of junk?”

Two weeks later, I got a random call from my dad. “Guess what?!” he shouted. “I used the headlight thing!” Ah, sweet vindication. I was so happy. Not only did I give my dad a gift he liked, but I’d been able to give him something he never knew he wanted.

Trying out these gifts might flop in the moment, but there’s a strong chance you’re going to get an excited call like I did as your dad realizes, “I really needed that.” The more time you spend with your Dad, the more you’ll be able to choose those surprisingly useful gifts.

The hope dads need

Writing amidst the rubble of his broken city, Jeremiah finds the courage to write about the hope dads need: “The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning” (Lamentations 3:22-23).

Us Dads need to know we’re capable of building something in a breakable world, feel grace covering our mistakes, and that tomorrow can be better than today. That’s a father I’d be proud to be. Ditch the “World’s Best Dad” mug and get to work on these gifts. Trust a Dad: We’ll love them.

Copyright © 2022 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

Andy Allan lives in Lincoln, Nebraska, with his wife, Sara, and three kids, Ellie, Bodie and Asher. You’ll find him biking Lincoln’s trails or watching the latest Fast and Furious movie. Connect with him at andrew.allan@cru.org or on Twitter at @KazBullet.

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For stepparents, biological parents, and children, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day seem to have tons of swirling emotions. How do you manage this so the day doesn’t work against you? Our panel of guests today react to the challenges that all members of a stepfamily can feel on these special days. Previous podcast guests have shared their experiences and tips for you. Additionally, Ron Deal talks with Bryan Stell, Jennifer Walker, Tanisha Johnson and Shannon Simmons about how they each have lived and learned through the many Mother’s Days and Father’s Days they have celebrated.
Show Notes and Resources

The Smart Stepmom by Ron Deal and Laura Petherbridge.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-5665-the-smart-stepmom.aspx
The Smart Stepdad book by Ron Deal.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-5666-the-smart-stepdad.aspx
Learn More about Building Love Together in Blended Families by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ron Deal.
Learn about FamilyLife’s other podcasts. https://www.familylife.com/podcast
Visit FamilyLife Blended® online for articles, videos, and resources for blended families. https://www.familylife.com/blended
Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like the FamilyLife Blended® Podcast. https://donate.familylife.com/familylife-blended/

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Father’s Day comes every year. But that doesn’t mean every family celebrates it. A home with an absent or noncustodial father can make Father’s Day difficult. Facing Father’s Day as a single mom brings questions.

How can I help my kids on this day? What is expected of me? Should we watch videos of the time we had together with Dad? Am I required to honor him too? Do my children spend their entire weekend visiting dad? Or do we talk about how they feel that their biological father doesn’t always find the time to spend with them?

Sometimes Father’s Day weekend can be difficult for everyone.

Answer hard questions

You may be frustrated to face Father’s Day as a single mom when your kiddos ask these hard questions. Or what about when you notice your child’s heart hardening toward their father? They want to be tough, but they’re really in pain. “Mom, I don’t ever want to talk to my dad. I don’t ever want to talk about him. Mom, I don’t miss him.”

I find the question that hurts the most is, “Mom, what are we doing today? I don’t have a dad.”

Frankly, you are tired of giving the right answer.

When we see our kids hurt, we hurt even more. Our inner mama bear wants to come out. Sometimes we want to react the way the world expects us to act. I have fallen in that boat as well, but that way only hurts our kids and us even more.

Trust me, I know!

Yet as a single mom on Father’s Day, we see the importance of a day to help our children recognize their dad. And with God’s help, we can do this. So here are a few appropriate ways to help your kids celebrate a Father’s Day that is difficult:

1. Remember

This is for the children whose earthly father is currently in heaven. Let them spend time going down memory lane. Help them remember some of the funny and meaningful things their father did.

2. Write a letter

Have your child write their dad a letter. It can include things they wish he knew they were going through right now.

3. Spend time with a substitute

I know it’s not the same. But if another man has made a significant impact on your children, make sure they tell him! Celebrate him this Father’s Day as a man who leads and models faith for your children.

4. Encourage them to go

Don’t discourage your kids from spending the weekend with their dad. Show them how excited you are that they get to spend this time with him. And allow them to enjoy it.

5. Pray

Even if your kids have a great relationship with their dad, pray for other kids who are questioning why they don’t get to spend time with their dad. And if your kids are hurting this Father’s Day, pray with them. This is a good time to teach them about grace, mercy, and the power of prayer.

Single mom, it’s hard on us too! Having a Lord who never leaves us nor forsakes us (Hebrews 13:5) can help us in this time as well.

Moms hurt too

On Father’s Day as a single mom, I want to leave you with the Bible verse God continues to put in front of me. Whenever He notices me walking back to unforgiveness, He puts this verse in bold neon lights.

If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. – Luke 6:32-36

Find hope in knowing God heals the hearts of single moms and their kids. He also transforms the hearts of fathers every single day. “But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand” (Isaiah 64:8).

Regardless of the status of our earthly father, we always have a Father to celebrate, the Ultimate Father, our Lord and Savior. You can offer up this prayer as you prepare for a difficult Father’s Day.

God, I know the only perfect person who has walked this earth is Your son Jesus. And we all fall short of Your glory. On this Father’s Day, I want to thank You for blessing me with my heavenly Father. I know through You all things are possible. Teach me how to show grace and mercy when needed. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Copyright © 2019 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved

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Candid. That’s one word to describe children. Kids generally say what they think. That undeveloped filter may turn your face red in public at times, but it can come in handy when you want to know what they really think about you.

For Father’s Day, we thought it would be a kick to hear what kids of various ages have to say about their dads. Turns out, kids think dads are pretty darn special. So dads, this one is for you. For your enjoyment and encouragement, read what these kids had to say about their favorite guy in the world.

1. Why do you think Dad is cool?

“Because I can beat him at games.” — Matthew, age 13

“Because he is super fun.” —  Kendra, age 15

“He is very good at just about everything.” — Jayden, age 16

“He follows what God tells him to do. He spends time with us.” —  Tanner, age 11

“He lets us sleep in … sometimes.” — Tirzah, age 14

“He lets me stay up late for one-on-one movie nights.” — Sebastian, age 17

“He takes me out on dates.” — Shylah and Tirzah, ages 13 and 14

“Because he’s good at stuff.” — Zoey, age 5

“Cause he is.” — Beckett, age 2

“Because he holds me.” — Betsy, age 4

“He’s a good role model.” — Emily, age 13

“He’s loving.” — Bethany, age 7

“He takes good care of us. He takes me on daddy-daughter dates.” — Cate, age 4

“He wears hats.” — Mary, age 9

“He loves me forever no matter what.” — Cameron, age 7

2. When is Dad the funniest?

“Always.” — Kendra, age 15

“When we talk about biology, anatomy, and physiology.” — Matthew, age 13

“He is funny all the time.” — Tanner, age 11

“When he is commentating on hallmark.” — Tirzah, age 14

“When he’s around a campfire with a bunch of guys.” — Sebastian, age 17

“When I say something funny, or something like that.” — Zoey, age 5

“Cause he does … uh, nifty galifty.” — Beckett, age 2

“When I tickle him on the hips because that is his tickle spot.” — Audrey, age 7

“Because he tickles me.” — Betsy, age 4

“When he’s with his brother.” — Aaron, age 16

“When he laughs at his own jokes.” — Emily, age 13

“When he is singing.” — Lucy, age 11

“My dad is funny almost all the time. He does silly stuff and we like to wrestle.” — Cate, age 4

“When he kneels down and asks us to dance.” — Mary, age 9

“When he tickles me.” — Cameron, age 7

3. What is something Dad is really good at?

“Working on cars.” — Matthew, age 13

“Making time for others.” — Jayden, age 16

“He is good at his job, spending time with us, telling us about God, being nice to people, and loving my mom.” — Tanner, age 11

“Cooking stir fry and grilling burgers.” — Tirzah, age 14

“Anything he puts his mind to.” — Sebastian, age 17

“Finding stuff.” — Zoey, age 5

“Puzzles. He’s good at the fire truck puzzle and the dinosaur puzzle.” — Beckett, age 2

“Basketball.” — Audrey, age 7

“Dancing.” — Betsy, age 4

“Being the best Poppy and softball and making bacon and getting the mail.” — Lucy, age 11

“Being nice, pitching us balls.” — Mary, age 9

“Good at being a Dad.” — Bethany, age 7

“My dad is really good at pushing me on the swing, cooking stuff, and fixing things.” — Cate, age 4

“Loving others.” — Emily, age 13

4. What is something your dad always tells you?

“That I’m a woman.” — Norah, age 2

“I love you.”  — Kendra, age 15

“Be nice.” — Matthew, age 13

“I’m proud of you.” — Sebastian, age 17

“Wake up. Time for devos.” — Shylah, age 13

“Funny stuff sometimes.” — Zoey, age 5

“No. He tells me ‘No’ when I go to timeout in the dark and cry.” — Beckett, age 2

“Remember that I will always love you even when you don’t see me.” — Audrey, age 7

“To have fun, be safe, and make wise decisions.” — Aaron, age 16

“Unicorns live in San Diego.” — Lucy, age 11

“Did you know I love you?” — Cameron, age 7

“I’m his pretty princess.” — Sarah, age 7

“You’ll be aight [slang for alright].” — Josie, age 12

5. What’s the best Father’s Day gift for your dad?

“Tickets to see Michael Jr.” — Jayden, age 16

“Tools for working on the cars.” — Matthew, age 13

“Time, fishing stuff.” — Tanner, age 11

“Words of encouragement and a new car.” — Tirzah, age 14

“A Jeep Wrangler.” — Shylah, age 13

“A picture, like a leaf craft picture.” — Zoey, age 5

“That Daddy gets some presents for me!” — Norah, age 2

“A big chapter book that he could read.” — Audrey, age 7

“Peanuts.” — Betsy, age 4

“Hobby stuff we can do as a family.” — Aaron, age 16

“The best gift for my dad is something I make. This year I’m going to make him a book.” — Cate, age 4

“A hug.” — Lucy, age 11

“Love.” — Cameron, age 7

“Probably some snacks, a shirt that he would like, some nice cologne. Maybe Raisinets?” — Josie, age 12

They love you for who you are, Dad. On the good days and the bad, the Lord will supply you with all you need to love them. Happy Father’s Day!

Copyright © 2019 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

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“The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him!” Proverbs 20:7

Does it bother anyone else that Mother’s Day was an official holiday for nearly 60 years before they decided to recognize a day for dads, too? Without dads, who would frighten the teenage boys who come to date our daughters, tell bad jokes, and stand guard on the front porch during stormy weather? I’m kidding (sort of). Dads are great.

But there’s another side to Father’s Day—husbands. Yes, I know, they are the fathers (or maybe stepfathers) of our children. But anyone who has seen a husband turn into a father, has seen a regular man transform into a greater guy. I couldn’t be the mom I am without my favorite, red-headed dad at my side.

Reasons I’m thankful for my husband

So Father’s Day isn’t just a day for you guys to feel loved and appreciated by your kids. It’s a day for us wives to appreciate you, too. It’s a day for us to say “thanks” for all the ways you add to our lives by being the best dads and husbands you can be. Our kids might not see all you sacrifice for the family, but we do. They might not appreciate everything you contribute to our lives daily that keep us going, but we are thankful for you.

Parenting can be hard, but I can’t think of anyone else I’d want to raise our kids with than you, dear husband. And when we work as a team, it’s a lot of fun. And that’s thanks to you. So this Father’s Day, here’s to the husbands—a few reasons we’re thankful you’re ours.

1. Thanks for working those late nights.

Those late nights at the office and after-hour emergencies? Yep, thanks for those. Not because we were happy to have you away (you were definitely missed), but because you worked those long nights for us. Providing for us. Your hard work allowed me to stay home with the kids for 10 years. I have always appreciated that, and when our kids become parents one day, they will, too.

2. Thanks for reminding me our kids aren’t so fragile.

Every single time you tossed our kids in the air when they were tiny, I cringed. What if they hit their head on the ceiling (OK, there was that one time…)? What if you got a sudden leg cramp and failed to catch our little angel?

The “worry” sensor in mom brains (it’s totally scientific) tends to go into overdrive when we see our littles in potential danger. Thanks for ignoring us when it gets a bit ridiculous. Life is full of risks. If it wasn’t for you, our kids would be walking around in bubble wrap.

3. Thanks for always backing me up.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve uttered “I’m going to call Daddy,” to our son. This week. The thing is, I don’t want to make you the bad guy, but he respects your authority differently than he does mine. And when you back me up, it reminds the kids that mom and dad are a team. A fairly good one, at that.

And that worry you have that they see you as the bad guy? Trust me, our son still wants to be you when he grows up. And our daughter? She maybe uttered “I’ll call my daddy” when a kid was picking on her at recess once. You’re not the bad guy. You’re the hero. Especially mine.

4. Thanks for being a great role model.

Proverbs 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Our kids are blessed to be “trained” by you, not just through your words, but by your actions.

I don’t know of anyone who is a harder worker than you are. You model what it means to be a provider to our kids. You also show up to help friends (or anyone really) when they need you. Even if you were up working half the night. That’s admirable. It shows them people are more important than our own schedules. Kids pick up on that stuff even when you don’t think they do.

5. Thanks for spending your “free” time fixing broken stuff.

Finally had a weekend off? The alternator goes out in the car. Home after a long day at work? I think I hear a water leak. I know that sometimes it seems you just can’t catch a break from all the things that go wrong. Murphy’s Law, right? I am pretty sure we wouldn’t have warm showers, running vehicles, and even updated phones if it wasn’t for you. Here’s to dads—the fixers of all things broken.

6. Thanks for never (OK, rarely) mentioning all the forgotten “thanks.”

You do a lot of things for us that may seem to go unnoticed because we (I) forget to say thank you. You dressed our son for preschool the other day, yet I complained that Max was wearing his old tennis shoes and not the new ones. Sorry about that. And thanks. We won’t even talk about the times I have reloaded the dishwasher behind you. I am sure God will bless you for your patience.

7. Thanks for all the ways you bring your own touch to this family of ours.

I am a natural planner. I like all the details planned out before we say “go.” You, not so much. Thanks for that. I want our kids to learn to embrace spontaneity. And let’s face it. They aren’t learning that from me. But that is just one of the ways you bring your unique personality to our home. And it wouldn’t be the same without you. No one else can fill your shoes. Literally and figuratively.

What I am really trying to say is, husband, you rock. Not only do you serve the role of Daddy, Dad, Pops, Daddio (or father by any other name), but you make up the absolutely necessary second half of this parenting team. Our kids would only be half as awesome, half as cool, and half as strong without you. And quite frankly, so would I. Thanks.

Copyright © 2018 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved

Lisa Lakey is the managing editor of digital content for FamilyLife. Before joining the ministry in 2017, she was a freelance writer covering parenting and Southern culture. She and her husband, Josh, have been married since 2004. Lisa and Josh live in Benton, Arkansas, with their two children, Ella and Max.

The post 7 Reasons I’m Thankful for My Husband This Father’s Day appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Write a few words in a card … check.

Eat meals together … check.

Buy him a new shirt … check.

Do your kids run a similar checklist through their heads each time Father’s Day circles round? How about giving them some creative ideas for how they can honor their father?

As far as influencing children about their father, mothers hold an unequaled voice. Proverbs 1:8 says, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching,” affirming the influential role mothers possess. And Paul tells us in Ephesians 6:2 that we should teach children to “‘Honor your father and mother.’” With Father’s Day coming up, consider suggesting to your kids a few practical ways to display honor to their father.

Here are 10 ideas to get you started, with appropriate ages assigned to each:

1. Obey your father (age 3 and up).

Your kids’ obedience can be the highlight of their dad’s day. Disobedience, on the other hand, can weigh it down like a sand bag.

When I was about 10 years old, my family enjoyed a special day out together. The four of us were driving home and, despite my parents’ repeated requests, my sister and I would not quit bickering. Our disobedience crossed the line and scored us a substantial consequence. The air was thick with emotions, and sadly, this is the only part I remember about that day.

Kids will be kids—they can’t help it. But kids also have the God-given ability to obey if you present clear expectations. Christ daily displayed an allegiance to His Father, obeying Him even to the point of death (Philippians 2:8).

Mothers, you occupy the prime position to encourage your children to obey their father, despite his failures. You may be surprised how a respite from dealing with disobedience can honor him.

2. Replace complaints with praise (age 4 and up).

A child’s nagging and whining can sap everyone’s capacity to experience the goodness of a moment. As a mother, you know this well.

Since complaints spring from a heart of discontent, consider priming your kids to develop a posture of thankfulness for all their dad does for them. Suggest they think of three things they admire about their dad to tell him on Father’s Day.

Contemplate what a word of esteem, as small as it may be, could do for his spirit. You may not know the impact a few words of thanks can have.

3. Start a “Dad journal” (age 5 and up).

Before each Father’s Day, help the kids record any remarkable or even just plain silly things the kids did with Dad over the past year. (I would write about the new dance moves he debuted in our kitchen while listening to Imagine Dragons.) Make a tradition of rewrapping the journal for him to open each year and laughing together as you read each new entry. It will give him something to look forward to every Father’s Day, knowing his kids have captured what meant most to them.

By the time your kids are grown, the journal will be saturated with memories that honor the role he has played as a father. Creating a fun, personal method of capturing memories is perfect for reflecting moments down the road. Priceless.

4. Surround him with his favorite things (age 5 and up).

How do parents determine a theme for their child’s birthday parties? Most likely, the theme reflects the child’s favorite movie, activity, or location. We celebrate the child by surrounding him or her with what they enjoy.

Why can’t Father’s Day be the same way? While you don’t need to throw a party, you can create an atmosphere that creatively celebrates who he is.

Turn on his favorite ‘80s tunes and listen as a family. Play his favorite card game after dinner (“Up and Down the River,” anybody?). Make his favorite treat. Simple but meaningful things on Father’s Day can honor the quirks, tastes, and personality God gave him.

5. Volunteer service (age 8 and up).

Encourage your kids to honor their father by washing his car without being asked, or by completing one of his household chores.

We see Jesus honoring His disciples when He washed the grime and filth off their callused feet (John 13:5). He truly loved others well, even when it required something of Him. Maybe your kids need a little nudge in the direction of self-sacrifice this Father’s Day.

6. Ask him questions (age 10 and up).

I’m guessing your kids already know how to ask questions. Maybe too many!

However, the skill of asking good questions is invaluable. Good questions can make recipients feel valued and interesting, especially when paired with good listening skills. I’ve loved watching my dad light up when he talks about how many hours he played basketball in his backyard or reminisces about the chocolate chip cookies his mom used to make.

Prompt your kids to ask their dad questions like:

• What were your childhood birthday traditions?
• What was your favorite thing to do with your friends growing up?
• Who were the most influential people in your life (aside from your parents)?
• What toys were special to you when you were young?
• Which candy bar was your favorite?
• When did you learn how to play (insert an instrument or sport)?
• What made you fall in love with Mom?

There’s nothing wrong with feeding your children some thoughtful, bite-sized, questions they can ask during a Fathers’ Day meal or as you’re driving in the car.

7. Reflect on the past (age 12 and up).

Does their father grow nostalgic at times? Does he reminisce about when his kiddos were just wee ones and fit snuggly in his arms? My own dad often remembers my “rosebud lips” that he loved pinching when I was little. Their father may not express it often, but he probably wishes he could have those sweet, early years back every once in a while.

If your kids are old enough to reflect on the past, encourage them to designate space during Father’s Day to look back on the past together. Sit on the couch and flip through photos and watch home videos. Pull out a board game that once frequented your dinner table. Let your sides ache from laughter and cheeks grow wet with tears.

You might be amazed at how a father is honored by the fact you would reflect with him. It communicates: “I have not forgotten. You were special to me then, and you still are today. I will never be too old to treasure what we have.”

8. Extend forgiveness (age 13 and up).

I’m sure you cannot count how many times you’ve told your children to forgive each other. Among many other things, they hit, tattle, lie, and provoke each other, meriting the classic script: “I’m sorry for what I did. Will you forgive me?”

Yet, have your children ever extended forgiveness to their parents? I’m sure they have for trivial things, like when dad was late to pick them up from choir practice or when he ordered the wrong kind of pizza. But what about those deeply seeded offenses that your kids have buried in their hearts?  Have they festered to the point of resentment?

Remind your children of the power in forgiveness. Paul entreats us to, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). Because Christ has forgiven us of so much, He helps us forgive others in turn. This Father’s Day could turn their relationship 180 degrees through the simple statement: “I forgive you, Dad.”

9. Encourage a restored relationship (age 16 and up).

But maybe you feel it’s too late. Perhaps your children never developed a secure relationship with their father. Or something happened to sever it. If this is the case, I want to encourage you to at least think through helping your kids restore their relationship with their dad.

I understand. Maybe this isn’t the appropriate season for restoration. Or maybe you simply see it as an impossibility. But it is also possible that your children need your confidence and support to make the first move toward reconciliation. God is in the business of making broken things whole and old things new. Your family dynamics are not out of His bounds.

A simple phone call on Father’s Day can be an honorable first step.

10. Let your kids see you honor your dad (any age).

Lessons about honoring parents are caught just as well as taught.

Have you ever sat down and written a tribute to your father? Consider collecting a list of things you admire about your dad. Even if he hasn’t been the perfect model of fatherhood, can you recall snapshot moments in your youth when you were happy together, or specific things he said that built you up? During your Father’s Day celebration, step up to present it to him in the presence of your family. Honoring him publicly with your words can have a lasting impact on all involved.

(As a guide to help you write a tribute, consider reading The Forgotten Commandment, by Dennis Rainey.)

Your position as a mother is a gift. Use it this Father’s Day. May your children be greatly inspired to honor their father this holiday and over the years.

Copyright © 2018 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

The post 10 Ways to Help Your Kids Honor Their Dad appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Dennis Rainey, co-founder of FamilyLife, was driving home at the end of one particularly long day, looking forward to relaxing. But his plans came to a halt when he turned on the radio and heard someone say, “I hope you did something of value today. You wasted a whole day if you didn’t.”

Realizing the most important work of his day was yet to be done, 10 minutes later he turned into his driveway. Six pairs of eyes soon surrounded his car with shouts of “Daddy … Daddy … Daddy!”

“I did my best that night, and on the many nights that followed while my kids were growing up,” Dennis writes, “to leave, with God’s help, a legacy that counts. A legacy that will outlive me.”

Dennis recognized something many ignore: Fathers are important.

Despite this, dads are often underappreciated. So we decided to enlist the readers of our e-zine, Help & Hope from FamilyLife, to help us honor fathers for what they do well.  From the dozens of responses, we noticed a few themes.

Spiritual leadership

Over and over, Help & Hope readers applauded the dads in their lives for taking the words of Deuteronomy 6:6-7 seriously: “These words, that I command you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children …”

Beth wrote to say that her husband does just that. She said that he “… leads in family worship, Bible reading, and prayer; seeks to love their mama well and disciplines himself for the purpose of godliness.”

Jacqueline wrote that she appreciates the important role her husband plays in her family. “My husband led me to Christ and he leads our family… There is no doubt in my mind that we are still married today only because he has made God the center of our family.”

On this topic others wrote:

“Every Sunday morning he takes us to church instead of playing golf.” –Gina

“He loves God. He prays for us and prays for his spiritual growth, so that he will continue to change and guide his family in God’s path.” – Jenny

“He encouraged us to wait on God’s timing, to not be bitter against the people who had wronged us, and to see that God was sovereign in it all and working for our good.” – Susan

“Though he is not the biological father to my children, he treats them as if they are his own. … For my daughter he describes what a man should be in a godly way and how he should treat her as a lady, for my son he shares how much he respects him … He prays with and over all of our children and shares with them what God lays on his heart. I admire the openness— that he is not afraid to share his weaknesses and his fears with our children.” – Raquel

“He lives out the Bible and his role as a godly man in front of the children. – Tearrah

Living examples

Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 11:1, “Be imitators of me, as I am in Christ.” Like Paul, any Christ-follower should be an imitator of His love and grace. And when fathers do this well, it really stands out.

Reba said her husband models humility: “He talks with our son about mistakes he has made in his life that he hopes our son will avoid.” She added that her own father’s example had a big impact on her—it taught her never to punish in anger or give consequences in anger.

Cindy described her father: He not only said, “Give to those in need,” but also modeled generosity, even when he lost his job. She recalled shopping at a grocery store with her dad when she was a child. They bought the cheapest macaroni and cheese and cans of pork and beans they could find. But after purchasing 10 of each, they gave one box of macaroni and cheese and one can of pork and beans to their church. The next day someone from the church delivered three bags of groceries to her family—one had the macaroni and cheese and beans they had given on top. “We cried,” she wrote.

Terri said her father puts God first, her mother second, and his children third.  That example has “impacted me most about my dad. … Nothing else has ever come before us, in childhood or now. I have never doubted his love.”

Sheryl’s dad didn’t just encourage her to read God’s Word. She wrote, “I often would walk past our living room to see my dad reading his Bible.”

And Isaac is very grateful that his father demonstrated that “being a man has less to do with winning the argument or saying the last word, and more with humbly leading the family to the throne room of God in prayer.” His father’s example has inspired Isaac to react to anger by first “laying it before God, asking Him to change my heart, and then addressing the issue in question with the grace He supplies.”

A father’s presence

“Children are a heritage from the Lord,” says Psalm 127:3. And involved fathers show this by being present in their kids’ lives.

Mindy’s husband has backed up his words by his actions. “He is present and he truly models the importance of being together as a father,” she wrote.

A grown woman now, Susan said one of her favorite memories is about her dad driving the bus for her school’s track team. “I ran long distance races,” she said, “and he would stand by the final corner of the track, where no one else usually stood, and cheer me on.”

And Lynn’s husband showed up unannounced every year on their daughter’s birthday, whether she was at school or practicing for a sports team. Once he came dressed as Aristotle to her class on Greek and Roman literature.  On their daughter’s first year away from home, “he flew to Wheaton College … with a cake and flowers and led everyone at lunch in singing ‘Happy Birthday.'”

Another mom, Donna, wrote that her husband “loves to connect and laugh with his boys. He finds things in common, will watch TV, or play ball. He doesn’t want to just correct.”

Carla’s husband enjoys golf and uses it as an opportunity to have a relaxed fun time to interact with their six sons. “When they were little, with their plastic or junior clubs, it was often more frustrating or comedic than fun,” she said, “but now the oldest is 26 and the youngest is 15 and they enjoy the game and great conversation.”

Dennis’s dad worked a lot but was always available to the kids. Dennis said that his dad “took an interest in my life. Told me to remove the word ‘can’t’ from my vocabulary.”

Gina said her husband spends special, separate time with each of their kids. He also looks for opportunities to teach the children about life skills, like using maps and finding their way around their town. And he helps them think about the future.

Wendy and her husband have five kids, ages 5-16. She wrote, “He is doing a great job engaging the kids on their level, telling the 5-year-old hilarious bedtime stories, teaching the middles the ins and outs of chess, and watching dad/teenager humor movies that Mom has no interest in.  Bonding with each, appropriately.”

Stepping up to responsibility

Jeremiah 29:11 reads, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Responsible fathers have to trust God’s plans as they follow His blueprints for their families, even when it’s difficult.

David wrote that although his father was absent emotionally and was quite demanding at times, he provided well for his family. “It was his love language,” David said. His father had lived through World War II and knew the difficulties that living without can bring. “For him [providing] was the best way he could show us he loved us.

Before Nancy and Mike had kids, her husband was not very interested in housework. But that changed after they had twins. “I didn’t have to beg, threaten, or nag,” she wrote. “He knew there was just no way I would ever keep up while caring for two colicky babies all day.” Nancy’s husband readily accepted his new responsibilities, and when he got home from work he held a crying baby. He also began a lifetime of helping with the housework. “Those twins are 11 now, but he still helps by doing dishes almost every night while I am tucking five kiddos in bed!”

And Pamela recalled when one of her sons lost his financial aid after his first semester in college because he was “goofing around.” After living back at home for a couple of months, Dad explained what was expected of him—and this included finding a job by a specific date. True to his word, when the son showed no interested in being responsible, Dad told him told to move out. “But praise God,” Pamela wrote, “eight years later this son has been thriving on his own and has expressed his gratitude to my husband for showing him tough love.”

Well deserved applause

When Chrystie was about 7 years old, she and her dad were in their backyard, peering into the dark night sky. “There were the most stars we have ever seen, even to this day,” she said.

Now, decades later, she still remembers that night, and so does her dad. When Chrystie and her father happen to be together on a starry night, he will glance over at her. “Neither of us need to say anything,” she said. “But he always asks, ‘Do you remember what this reminds me of?'”  And then he smiles.

Yes, fathers are important. The wise ones want to leave a legacy that counts. And if you are married to one of these amazing men, take some time on Father’s Day to express your appreciation for a sometimes thankless job. Gather the children together and give him some well deserved applause!

Copyright © 2016 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

The post Applauding Dads for What They Do Well appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Years  ago it was neckties, tie pins, and aftershave lotion. Nowadays, it may be software, jump drives, and gift cards. Regardless of whether you belong to the “years ago” crowd or the “nowadays” gang, each June presents us with new opportunities to present the same old gifts. The typical dad does not get all bubbly over gifts, which is probably why we present the same ones each year.

However, the typical dad deeply appreciates honor. Here are some creative ways to consider how to use your senses to honor your father on this month, next June and the 11 months in between.

The sense of sound.

In order to honor dad, you need to tune your ears keenly to hear the subtle and often disguised invitations for honor. For example, your dad may say, “Do you have my hammer?” A keenly tuned ear would hear, “Let’s do this project together.”

In a telephone call, your dad may say, “Hi.” The same ear would hear, “It means a lot to talk to you today.”

Honoring your dad through your sense of hearing is an important skill to develop. If we do not listen for these subtle invitations, we may miss many opportunities for honor. If we are trained to hear the message behind the words, though, we can respond effectively. We can respond in a way that anticipates his need and ministers to him right where he is.

It’s not that hard, really. The key is realizing what you know about your dad and recognizing what you do not normally hear from your father. Many people know their dads love them, but many dads do not actually say those words. If your dad is one of those, then this skill will prove invaluable as you seek to return that love. Listen for times when saying “I love you” would be natural for you and identify what he actually says at that time. Chances are, regardless of what it is, it probably means “I love you.” Developing a keen sense of sound can go a long way in bringing your dad honor.

The sense of smell.

I grew up on the soccer field. I remember well the smells of cut grass and the chill of autumn. At most of my games, I had the privilege of having my father on the sidelines (even carrying the referee whistle at times.) Twenty years later, memories of times spent with my dad rush to my mind each time I smell the autumn.

For you, another smell may remind you of your father—the aroma of a certain restaurant or type of food, or the odor of gasoline and oil in a garage. Whatever the smell is, he probably has no clue of the smells that bring him to mind. Why not consider letting him in on it? Create some time together to enjoy the smells. Build new memories around those familiar scents. It doesn’t sound like much but remember—dads don’t typically need a marching band to feel honored. This subtle yet thoughtful sense of smell can go a long way in bringing your dad honor.

The sense of sight.

Your father invested a couple of decades into your life. He has vested interest in what is happening with you. So take a moment and look around your life…is there anything happening he’d want to know about? We can get so caught up in our daily routines that we forget how much things continue to change: children grow, homes change, things happen.

Take a day and change nothing except your perspective. As you live out a single day’s routine, just be observant. Ask yourself, “Would dad like to know about how Suzie is doing in school today?” “Would dad like to see a picture of how Tommy has changed since they last saw him?”

As you do this, I’m sure you’ll find a bunch of little things that might be of interest to your dad. He might not ask about them, but that’s okay. Use your vision to see his heart. Once you’ve spotted a few things for him to see, invite him over. If you’re far away, take pictures and send them—not just your children, but report cards, home repairs, etc. Very few “big moments” occur in life. Sharing those are important, but that is not sharing life. Sharing your life with your dad requires a bunch of little, seemingly unimportant things. As you share these small sights, you’ll begin to see your dad filling with honor as he gets regular glimpses into the pulse of your family. In this way, a clear sense of sight can go a long way in bringing your dad honor.

The sense of touch.

Every family has a different culture for touching. In some families, hugging and touching is a very common, comfortable thing. In others, it so rarely happens that it feels a bit like running in concrete sneakers. Yet there are times when a touch can communicate more love and honor than words constructed by the greatest poet.

While their touch tolerance may vary, dads are not immune to the impact of touch. Seek to make some form of physical contact with your father each time you are with him. If hugging your dad is appropriate, be sure to do it. If not, perhaps a handshake will do. Put a hand on his shoulder or punch him in the arm. You know your dad. Make an appropriate choice and go for it.

At first, you may not see how this honors him. However, over time, as you develop a culture for touching and as you communicate your love for him in this way, it will minister in ways indescribable. Don’t wait for the speechless moment in a hospital bed. Though you may not be able to see it now, developing a sense of touch can go a long way in bringing your dad honor.

The sense of taste.

As you learn to communicate through speech to your father, strive to learn his tastes—his language. Speak it and listen in it. As you do, stand guard against some common “taste” traps.

Bitterness: Words can have a sour twang to them. Don’t let it happen. It is rare that a person regrets what went unsaid. However, many regret words that should never have been spoken. If you find bitterness on your tongue as you speak with your father, limit the amount of words. Find words that will taste sweet.

Blandness: When you speak with someone who is not very wordy, there is a tendency to slip into a rote routine. You talk about football, the weather, and then you shift your conversation to mom. Don’t let it happen. Ask your father questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer. Ask him to tell you of times before you were born. Spice up your conversation with substance and pay attention. When you do, you are bound to learn more than you thought.
Relationships have a taste to them. Father / child relationships are no different. You cannot dictate the total taste of your relationship with your dad. However, you can influence it. Be sure to check your sense of taste. Bring only that which will add to and not detract from the taste of your relationship. Doing so will go a long way to bringing your father honor.

The sixth sense: grace.

We each grew up with different fathers. Some were wonderful and some were not. You may be reading this and may not be able to fathom how you could bring honor to your father. He may have been the cause of much pain. He may not have been there for you when you needed him. He may have up and abandoned you altogether.

In moments like those, we can thank God that we are not limited to our set of five senses. Because our God is a good God, He has given us what you might call a “sixth sense.” When the other five fail us or fall short, we have this special gift from God to lean on in times of desperation.

Grace is expressed in the giving of a gift to an undeserving recipient. Because we were fallen and separated from God, we were completely undeserving of any relationship with Jesus Christ. However, by grace, God saved us. We are the undeserving recipient of the precious gift of salvation.

In turn, we have an opportunity to exercise similar grace toward those who are undeserving around us. When we remember how God has given us grace far beyond what we deserved, we are positioned to share that same grace with others. If your dad has been less than he should have been, that qualifies him for grace. When the other senses simply are not enough, don’t forget to lean on your sixth sense. Don’t forget to lean on grace. In times of struggle and hardship, when you have lost all your senses, grace still remains.

Copyright © 2005 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

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Daddy always said to love the Lord and treat others just like you wanted to be treated … to tell the truth … to work hard.

Daddy always said, “If you write a check, be sure the money’s in the bank. And that doesn’t mean you just think there’s enough.”

Daddy always said to display good sportsmanship. I’ll never forget attending the obedience school graduation when my dog and I flunked our class!

The calendar has now turned to June, and once again my thoughts turn to Father’s Day … and Daddy.

… once again, I miss him.

… once again, I wish I had another chance to say, “I love you!”

You and your children may still have that chance. I hope that some of the following 10 ideas will help you do something today to express your love and appreciation to the special dads in your life.

1. Have each of the kids paint their names (in their own style and favorite colors) on a solid white tie. Children who cannot write could draw a small picture. “Although I seldom wear ties and my kids are mostly grown now, I wear that tie to church on Father’s Day every year.”
   –Contributed by Dennis Leake
2. Record favorite memories with your dad and how much he means to you. If possible, burn this on a CD and surprise him on Father’s Day with something special to listen to on his drive to work.
   –Contributed by Hugh Duncan
3. Frame a special handwritten note or tribute. Even little ones can give Dad a unique note with printed letters or crayon-colored pictures. Adult children may want to give their fathers an actual tribute.
   –Contributed by Tim Spyridon
4. Honor your father through your marriage. “After Kathy and I had been married for about 15 years, we were visiting Mom and Dad. As we were about ready to depart, Dad pulled me aside and said, ‘I’m proud of you, son. You’ve got a good woman and family there.’ I think it honored him that finally a Helvey was getting it right.”
   –Contributed by Bob Helvey
5. Recreate an experience with your father that brings back memories (going to a special sporting event, amusement park, camping trip, etc.). With adult siblings, it’s fun to remember identical events from different perspectives.
   –Contributed by Rick Maupin
6. Give your dad gifts to encourage him in his special hobby or talent. Kids could wrap individual presents that all relate to a central theme. “My kids gave me some canvas, oil paints, brushes, and such. I haven’t painted in years and they were trying to jump-start me.”
   –Contributed by Lee Smith
7. Mom, help the kids plan and prepare a secret picnic for Dad. The kids can hijack him for a special time. You can send them all off with the picnic basket and a map to their surprise destination.
   –Contributed Dennis Leake
8. Take some time to retrieve some specific memories of things you did with your dad, which you remember but he may not. Reflect on them: What was important, significant, fun or memorable about them? Write those specific memories in a letter. If your father is nearby, take him out to eat. Let him read the letter and then talk together about those specific memories. If your father does not live nearby, send him the letter and follow it up with a phone call.
   –Contributed by Mark Trover
9. Men, if your son has blessed you with grandchildren, you may want to give him a blessing for Father’s Day. “Dad prayed the most awesome prayer that went straight to my soul. He said he was proud of me. He asked God to bless me, my wife, our children, and future grandchildren.”
   –Contributed by Matt Burns
10. If there was a period in your life of estrangement from your father, or rebellion against God, give your dad the evidence of real faith. Nothing means more to Christian fathers than the contentment of seeing God work in their children’s lives. Immediately after I came back to the Lord as a young man, the gulf between my father and me evaporated. Ironically, what meant the most to Dad was not a transaction between him and me, but between me and the Lord.
    –Contributed by Mark Trover

Throughout Scripture, God is called Father. What parenting principles can we learn by observing His interactions with humanity? FamilyLife has written a seven-day devotional that examines key Scriptures that will help you to father like the Father. Available here, and on the Bible App.

Copyright © 2011 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

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