Sitting across from my widowed friend, I watched dread come over her face at the mention of Mother’s Day. In the years since her husband’s death, a day that should be something to look forward to has become one more holiday that spotlights her loneliness. I can relate.  

The bitterness of my first Mother’s Day without my husband was sweetened by friends and family. Bouquets of flowers arrived on my porch and a friend teamed up with my son to surprise me with gifts and treats. I got together with another single mom, and we enjoyed a walk at a botanical garden followed by ice cream with our sons. But that day also held bad attitudes, complaints, and a general lack of gratitude from my son. Unlike in years past, when my husband would ensure that my day was full of encouragement and appreciation, I was now dealing with a crabby child alone. I missed him, but I also missed having someone in my corner.

By my second Mother’s Day as a single mom, my support from others had dropped off steeply. I had to figure out how to celebrate on my own.  

Although my heart wasn’t in it, I planned a celebration. My son needed someone to model for him that motherhood is worth celebrating so he will grow up to be a man who celebrates the mothers in his life. We made the best of the day, but what I longed for most was a break. 

Caring for single moms 

The day in, day out responsibilities of single moms are exhausting. Making dinner, caring for sick kids, reviewing homework, grocery shopping, doing taxes, making or scheduling home repairs, balancing budgets, planning for the future, and juggling all the other things that are barely manageable when shared by two become the responsibility of one. One day, children may mature to a point of understanding the sacrifices moms make. But for those with young kids, that day is not today.

For widows like me, there is an initial outpouring of support that fades with time. But single moms by any other means may find themselves without any outpouring of support, even during the first year. Far too often, Mother’s Day becomes one more day for a mom to handle alone.

This should not be happening in the family of God. Scripture urges us to care for widows. First Timothy 5:3-4 (NLT) says, “Take care of any widow who has no one else to care for her. But if she has children or grandchildren, their first responsibility is to show godliness at home and repay their parents by taking care of them. This is something that pleases God.” 

How often do we skip over this verse or forget God calls us to care for the women in our midst? God’s word is clear: This responsibility belongs to the body of Christ. We who value the role of mothers should be the first to care for and celebrate the ones who are raising their children alone.  

Mother’s Day ideas for the single mom

This Mother’s Day, what if you committed to putting this verse into action? What if you brainstormed Mother’s Day ideas, not just for your own mother, but for a mother who may otherwise be overlooked? The celebration doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. Every gesture, no matter how small, will be treasured.  

Here are six Mother’s Day ideas to inspire you:

1. Help her kids celebrate her.

Young kids love to give their moms special gifts and cards but can’t do it alone. Arrange a time to take her children shopping for little surprise gifts. Give each kid $5 and let them show their appreciation by picking out something meaningful to them. Or invite her kids over and provide the supplies they need to make a handmade gift or card.

2. Acknowledge her daily sacrifices.

Single moms long to be appreciated and need encouragement to press on. Simply acknowledging her sacrifices is a meaningful gift. Send a card or text message letting her know that you are proud of her for being faithful to the difficult, lonely, and often thankless task of raising kids alone. 

If you are a pastor who is encouraging moms on Mother’s Day, don’t forget to give a special mention to those who are parenting alone.

3. Take something off her to-do list.

Single moms take care of every detail for their family every day. Mother’s Day is a great opportunity to give her a break from this ongoing responsibility.  

4. Give the gift of rest.

Single moms rarely get a break. Watch her kids or pay a sitter for a couple hours the week before Mother’s Day (or on the day itself!) so she can enjoy some respite. Team up with friends or a church small group to give her the gift of a massage and arrange childcare. Or invite her kids for a sleepover and let her get a much-needed full night’s sleep.

5. Get her in family pictures.

Moms are usually behind the camera, but this is even more so for single moms. Mother’s Day is the perfect time to surprise her with a family photo session with a local photographer. Many have deals around Mother’s Day, and she will treasure pictures of herself with the kids she loves so much.

6. Send a simple gift to show you care.

If you don’t live close by, or are unable to devote time to caring for her, a simple gift speaks volumes. A bouquet of flowers, favorite coffee roast, calming candle, delicious chocolates, or encouraging devotional are easy to send and fun to receive.  Little surprises can brighten her day and help her feel special and cared for as a person. Not just a mom.

However you choose to show care to single moms this Mother’s Day, your gesture of support and encouragement will be significant. You will be showing the love of Jesus to someone who desperately needs it. Let’s love the single moms in our midst with words and actions this Mother’s Day, remembering that “religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world” (James 1:27).  

Copyright © 2023 by Elise Boros. All rights reserved.

Elise Boros lives outside of Washington, D.C. and spends her days raising her son and investing in the lives of college students through the campus ministry of Cru.  As a young widow, she is passionate about helping other people walk with God through grief and sorrow in an authentic way.  Elise blogs monthly as part of the content team for Songs in the Night, a widow discipleship ministry.  You can read about her and her husband’s journey through and beyond heart transplant at Waiting For True Life or follow along as she tells their story on instagram @waitingfortruelife.

The post 6 Mother’s Day Ideas To Care for Single Moms appeared first on FamilyLife®.

“No, I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day,” Sherry said. “Why should I? My stepkids will be with their mom, and I doubt I’ll hear from them. It’s just another day since I don’t have kids of my own. But I must admit the day carries some sadness.”

Sherry and I talked about how she’s been involved in her teenage stepchildren’s lives for years. She’s gone to ballgames, cooked favorite meals, celebrated holidays, attended school activities, listened to hard feelings after boyfriend breakups, and so much more.

“You play an important role in their lives,” I said. “I wonder if you’ve ever thought you should be honored on Mother’s Day?”

“Well, I guess,” she said. “I do a lot for them and I really care about them. But it won’t happen, so I put the thought out of mind.”

If you ask a group of stepmoms if they celebrate Mother’s Day, you’ll get a variety of answers. Some celebrate with their biological kids while their stepkids are with their mom. Some enjoy the day with their stepchildren and feel loved and honored. For many, however—especially those who don’t have children of their own—celebrating the day feels awkward and unjustified.

“It just doesn’t feel right to celebrate when I’m not a ’real mom,’” Sherry said.

Oh, how that comment saddens me.

What embodies a “real mom”?

If you play an active role as a stepmom, you are a mom and deserve recognition for your efforts.

But that doesn’t mean you’ll get it from your stepchildren. Perhaps they feel it dishonors their mom to show appreciation to you on Mother’s Day. You can’t change that. But you can ask your spouse to honor and acknowledge you on this special day for the role you play with his children.

I’ve learned to celebrate Mother’s Day with no expectations from my stepchildren. If they offer a gift or choose to honor me in some way, I’m elated. If they don’t, I remind myself of the privilege I’ve been given in shaping another child’s life and affirm myself for what I offer. My husband Randy appreciates the role I play, and we celebrate the day together.

It hasn’t always been that way, though. In the early years of our marriage, my feelings were hurt when my stepchildren didn’t meet the expectations I created. They had a mom they dearly loved and rightfully honored her. And Randy didn’t consider that I should be recognized for my mothering efforts with his children.

Until one year, in a burst of tears, I told him, “If I don’t hear from your children on this day, I need you to express appreciation for what I do for them. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—a sincere thank you with a rose or two will do.”

Our guys are not mind readers. Particularly if they’re not a stepdad, they don’t understand the emotional and physical toll we endure at times as a stepmom. Mother’s Day is the one day a year a simple gesture of appreciation from them can mean a lot.

Ways to celebrate Mother’s Day as a stepmom

A variety of variables play into how a stepchild reacts on Mother’s Day. The length of your marriage, your husband’s support, the age of your stepchildren, the biological mom’s behavior, and the environment in your home are a few things that contribute.

If your stepchildren honor you, embrace the offering. But if they don’t, make a conscious effort to not take it personally.

Here are a few suggestions to help you celebrate Mother’s Day, regardless of what your stepchildren do. Pick one or two or create one of your own to construct a day that leaves you feeling special for the valuable role you offer your stepfamily.

1. Abandon your house and spend the day at a nearby lake, bike path, or hiking trail.

Absorb the beauty of nature while you count your blessings. Set goals with your spouse to help you become more connected in your stepfamily, like regular game nights, stepmom-stepdaughter shopping dates, or movie nights as a family. Pray together for each member of your stepfamily.

2. Find another stepmom who’s having a difficult time and spend the afternoon with her.

Encourage her efforts and talk through her challenges. Laugh together and affirm one another. Commit to offer support on an ongoing basis as you reflect on Scripture to help. Here’s one of my favorites: “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

3. Spend the day with your own mother to celebrate Mother’s Day.

Tell her the special place she carries in your life. Be specific. Continue to make memories together to hold onto after she’s gone.

4.  Attend your favorite place of worship.

Celebrate Mother’s Day by wearing a beautiful corsage that signifies the important role you play as a stepmom. Take pride in being part of your stepchildren’s lives as an additional parent.

5.  Give yourself the gift of relaxation.

Kick back with a good book, time at the movies, or a day at the spa with a girlfriend. Eat at your favorite restaurant and tell your family you’ll be taking the day off from chores. Turn up the praise and worship music and connect with Jesus. Pamper yourself in whatever way feels special to you.

Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be a difficult day for stepmoms. Create your own special day and make memories that leave you feeling blessed to be a stepmom.

Go ahead—plan your celebration! You deserve it, sweet stepmom. Happy Mother’s Day!

Copyright © 2021 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

Gayla Grace serves on staff with FamilyLife Blended® and is passionate about equipping blended families as a writer and a speaker. She holds a master’s degree in Psychology and Counseling and is the author of Stepparenting With Grace: A Devotional for Blended Families and co-author of Quiet Moments for the Stepmom Soul. Gayla and her husband, Randy, have been married since 1995 in a “his, hers, and ours” family. She is the mom to three young adult children and stepmom to two.

The post Dear Stepmom, Please Celebrate Mother’s Day appeared first on FamilyLife®.

For stepparents, biological parents, and children, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day seem to have tons of swirling emotions. How do you manage this so the day doesn’t work against you? Our panel of guests today react to the challenges that all members of a stepfamily can feel on these special days. Previous podcast guests have shared their experiences and tips for you. Additionally, Ron Deal talks with Bryan Stell, Jennifer Walker, Tanisha Johnson and Shannon Simmons about how they each have lived and learned through the many Mother’s Days and Father’s Days they have celebrated.
Show Notes and Resources

The Smart Stepmom by Ron Deal and Laura Petherbridge.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-5665-the-smart-stepmom.aspx
The Smart Stepdad book by Ron Deal.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-5666-the-smart-stepdad.aspx
Learn More about Building Love Together in Blended Families by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ron Deal.
Learn about FamilyLife’s other podcasts. https://www.familylife.com/podcast
Visit FamilyLife Blended® online for articles, videos, and resources for blended families. https://www.familylife.com/blended
Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like the FamilyLife Blended® Podcast. https://donate.familylife.com/familylife-blended/

The post 31: Mother’s & Father’s Day in Blended Families appeared first on FamilyLife®.

The post For Mothers appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Do you know someone who is dreading Mother’s Day? The commemorative celebration filled with flowers, joy, and appreciation can turn into a trigger of despair for many women. As a childless stepmom of 28 years, I can remember a number of times it was unenjoyable.

A woman might be depressed or discouraged on Mother’s Day for multiple reasons: a death (especially a child or a mother), divorce, infertility, singleness, illness, a wayward child, or—being a stepmom. Surprised?

When a woman marries a man with children, she often steps into a new world that is complex, confusing, and lonely. And she can be ambushed by the sadness that accompanies Mother’s Day. She does the job of a mother, but she often doesn’t get the same attention, appreciation, or support.

Here is a list of suggestions on how to lift the spirits of a hurting woman on the day we celebrate mothers.

1. Pray for God to reveal a woman who needs encouragement this year.

I am amazed at the prompting and people God brings to my mind when I ask. Sometimes it’s the lady behind the counter at Dunkin’ Donuts, sometimes it’s a dear friend.

2. Pray for that woman between now and Mother’s Day.

The hurting woman often avoids places celebrating Mother’s Day—which might include church. Many women avoid attending on Mother’s Day because the celebration is one more reminder and stab to her wounded heart. Don’t judge her or pressure her to go.

3. Send a card.

It can say something as simple as, “Glad we are friends.” It’s the card and the thoughtfulness that count, not necessarily the words you use.

4. If you wish, do something a little more meaningful.

There are a number of gestures you can do. You can simply call, take her out for a meal, send a small gift or flower, or any memento that reveals, “I see your pain today.”

5. Give grace.

Understand that the person you want to encourage may not be emotionally able to chat or socialize.

6. Make time for the hurting woman.

If possible, spend an hour that weekend for lunch, the park, or the cemetery. Just knowing someone cares can change the entire day.

7. For the single parent, offer to take her child to the dollar store so Mommy has a gift.

It’s not the cost of the gift or the wrapping that counts. This simple, kind gesture gives her children the opportunity to say “thanks.”

8. For the stepmom, nudge her husband to do something nice in appreciation for parenting his kids.

If he refuses, you do something. At least she will know that someone sees the hard work she does.

9. When a death has occurred, photos, mementos, or fond memories of the deceased can ease the grief.

Family members often fear their loved one will be forgotten. A shared memory says, “I’m missing him/her today too.”

10. Infertility can be a hard one to comfort.

Most women in this circumstance share that their Mother’s Day goal is merely to get through the day. When a woman’s womb longs for a baby—weep with her. She is grieving her loss. Don’t minimize her pain, or offer cliché answers such as, “Just relax, it will happen” or “At least you can adopt.”

This Mother’s Day ask God to point you to one woman who is dreading the day. Even if God is the only one who sees your effort, compassion never fails.

Copyright © 2012 by Laura Petherbridge. All rights reserved.

The post When Mother’s Day Hurts appeared first on FamilyLife®.

My Queen,

Happy Mother’s Day! What can a letter capture about 14 years of marriage? Not much, but it can give a window of my deep love for you.

To be honest, every day is Mother’s Day in our little household. Why? Because you do so much. You not only invest in other people’s children at the preschool up the street, as well as at church, but you invest in our children. The way you help our girls with their hair, homework, and chores around the house doesn’t go unnoticed. Not to mention how your countless trips to their schools show just how invested you are in our children’s development. My love, I salute you.

You love the Lord

Honey, something else comes to mind this Mother’s Day. I love how committed you are to the Lord. Seeing you read the Scriptures daily. Overhearing you discuss what He has been teaching you as you talk to your mom or girlfriends. Watching you engage in worship at our church. Praying together with you. These things continue to draw me closer to you and remind me why I married you.

Not only are you fine as wine … you are a woman on mission for the Lord. What a powerful combination. Let the church say amen! Your support of me makes me want to run through a wall. Like a strong wind pushing an eagle through the air with his wings extended, that’s how your love for me feels. With you, our family soars to higher heights. I salute you.

Thanks for being you

I know lately things have been a challenge with the busyness of life. But I don’t want to go a second on this Mother’s Day without saying this: thank you! Thank you for being you. Thank you for looking out for the interests of others (especially our family). Thank you for being faithful to the calling of God in our lives. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for teaching me how to better serve you and the family. My love, I salute you.

I want this day to be a reminder of my commitment to you. No matter what we encounter, I’m right there with you. I honor you today on Mother’s Day. I value you. I cherish you. You are my queen. You are my heart. I can confidently say that I am a blessed man all because of you my love.

Enjoy your day! I love you dearly.

Your King

Copyright © 2019 by Bryndan C. Loritts.  All rights reserved.

Bryndan C. Loritts is senior pastor at Harvest Bible Church in Nashville, TN.  He and his wife Lucretia have 3 daughters, LeiLani, Bryana and Sinaiya. Find him on twitter @bcloritts and on Facebook.

The post To My Wife on Mother’s Day appeared first on FamilyLife®.

“What was that book Mom said she wanted?”

“Dad, what’s in Mom’s Amazon ‘save for later’ list? I need gift ideas.”

“Oh, no! I haven’t crafted what I will write in my Mother’s Day card yet! What can I say that I haven’t said already?”

While Mother’s Day is an annual event, choosing a special way to honor my mom is a repeated quandary. Because I love her dearly, I want her to feel cherished on her day, and I want to say “I love you” in a manner she receives best.

In the hubbub of life, I frequently fail to make my mother my target for gratitude. Sure, I tell her “I love you” on a regular basis, but Mother’s Day reminds me to attune my attention toward the woman who has given me much.

Yet, not all people receive love through the same channel. While my mom may cherish receiving a new outfit from her children, your mom might give anything to have someone cook her a meal. Matthew 19:19 records Jesus’ saying, “Honor your father and your mother, and, you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” In essence, then, our process of deciding how to honor our mothers should depend on the answer to: how does Mom experience love the most? It’s not about how much I enjoy buying her gifts; it’s about doing for her what speaks clearest “I love you”.

Gary Chapman’s excellent book The 5 Love Languages lends us a helpful grid to assess how we each best experience love. The five languages of which he speaks include:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

Considering these five means of communicating love can help you discover which avenue speaks clearest to your mother.

1. Spend time. Some mothers couldn’t care less about what they receive or what they do, as long as it’s done with those they love. Time is the ticket.

If only a few ZIP codes stand between you, take the afternoon to share a meal with the family. Perhaps consider hosting a multigenerational Mother’s Day celebration with as many mothers, mothers-in-law, and grandmothers as you can gather. Enjoy some good food, and frolic the way the moms like best. Purely rest in each other’s company, and let your mom spend time with those she loves.

If time truly is the ticket to her heart, the kind of activity done together may not make much of a difference. For instance, when I was 13, my dad single-handedly installed hardwood floors in our downstairs living space. This involved removing the tile in our kitchen and troubleshooting how to remove the white paint beneath. After numerous attempts to strip the paint, we found that grinding it off did the trick.

While this removed it from the floor, it merely transported a layer of white dust onto every exposed surface in the house. Hence, when Mother’s Day came around in the middle of this endeavor, we spent the day’s “quality time activity” wiping the house down. Perhaps this wasn’t my mom’s first choice for her special day, but at least we spent it together as a family.

2. Share words. Words are powerful things. They express specific emotions, and those with greater detail than the hopefully common “I love you” tend to sink in deeper. I personally feel cherished and known when someone expresses specific things they admire about me. They might tell me I am loved a hundred times, but it never sinks in as deeply as when they remark “I love it when you …” or “I love how you …”

In fact, I have stashed away a number of letter boxes holding meaningful cards and notes I’ve received over the years; every so often, I return to them in nostalgia. Perhaps your mom would prize another thoughtfully written card to add to her collection to treasure over the years.

God tells us who we are in His Word all the time. In Ephesians 1, He uses the Apostle Paul to tell us we are “adopted,” “chosen,” “redeemed,” and “forgiven,” among other things. This is not simply nice to know but has the power to change how we live in light of how we see ourselves. Helping our moms understand how we see them can be greatly impactful. Are words significant to your mother?

3. Send gifts. When people ask me what my favorite flower is, my automatic answer has always been “tulips.” Why? Because they have been my mom’s favorite since I can remember. Mother’s Day is one of the occasions in the year when they make an appearance in the Miller home, and even though the petals seem to drop faster than other flower varieties, they are lovely while they last.

Maybe flowers aren’t your mom’s thing, but maybe a gift of new dish towels, a new family photo, or a book you’ve enjoyed would touch her heart. Something she can admire or use may signify more to her than a card laden with thoughtful words.

4. Serve her. I don’t know about you, but I love it when others offer to serve me. You can offer to clean my house, cook me a meal, or run my errands and I will be your friend for life. Knowing that one thing is checked off of my list is a blessing.

If words or gifts don’t seem to communicate much to your mom, maybe offering to run to the grocery store for her would leave a lasting impact. Will preparing a meal for her say “thank you for all of the meals you have prepared for me” better than a thoughtful gift would? Even if having a meal cooked for you may not be your primary love language, it might be hers.

Think of the humble service Jesus embodied during his earthly ministry. He stooped to wash the feet of sinners and surrounded Himself with crowds so they could be healed. When you find it challenging to serve your mother, look to the humble Servant and find joy in imitating Him.

5. Squeeze her. When was the last time you gave your mom a long, quality hug? This is not the same as a brief, socially acceptable hug. I know some moms, my grandma being one of them, who desperately crave hugs from their kin.

Holding someone close can be therapeutic and reassuring. Is your mom a snuggler? Maybe plopping down on her couch and snuggling up next to her is the kind of connection she’s longed to share with you. This may feel insignificant to you if physical touch lies at the bottom of your priority list, but it may be the thing that gives her life.

Yes, there are legitimate obstacles to making this a possibility. I, for one, live multiple states away from my mother, leaving little chance for me to hold her close. But for those with the luxury of close proximity, take advantage of it. Communicate your appreciation for her by holding her tight.

This is her day—so make it hers! It’s not about how you feel most equipped to love her, but how she will feel the most loved. Regardless of her response, know the joy of offering what clearly communicates love to her and honor her in the process.

Copyright © 2018 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

The post Loving Your Mom the Way She Needs It appeared first on FamilyLife®.

My friend was in tears on her first Mother’s Day, but not in the happy way you would expect. She had listened to mom after mom at church talk about the breakfast their husband and kids had made, the cards they received. Some even showed off new jewelry. These well-meaning ladies couldn’t see the hurt in my friend’s eyes behind her smile.

She hadn’t received as much as a “Happy Mother’s Day” from her husband. Whether he truly forgot the day, I don’t know. They were at a rough patch in their marriage. My young friend had been awake most of the night with their baby, and she was physically exhausted and emotionally weary. This was not the Mother’s Day she had dreamed of.

As moms, we tend to put a lot of hope and expectations into Mother’s Day. This is our day. The one day of the year someone might notice all we do—all the tiny ways we suffer in silence (okay, sometimes we suffer less silently), all the dirty laundry, chauffeur services, endless nights with sick kids, and endless hours on our knees in prayer for our families.

But sometimes, life gets in the way, or the ones we love let us down. Maybe your husband forgot the day altogether. Or maybe you’re a single mom with no one to help the kids make a handprinted card or serve you breakfast in bed. Maybe you’re just in a tough season of parenting right now. You’re wondering if you’ll ever see any fruit produce from this garden you’ve been tending for years.

Maybe you’re just tired. Although it’s an amazing blessing and honor, motherhood is harder than you expected. Trust me, I’ve been there, too.

So what does this mean? Does Mother’s Day no longer feel like your day? Instead of celebrating the joys of motherhood, do you just want to give up?

No, this day was made for you—the tired and weary warrior mom who faithfully trudges on even when no one seems to notice. Just for you, let me share a few reminders on Mother’s Day.

1. You are making an impact.

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

Those prayers you say with your little one before bedtime are helping to lay a foundation of faith. All those miles to and from soccer practice are doing more than wearing out the tires on your minivan. They’re teaching your child commitment and diligence.

Most of motherhood will be made up of what seem like “little” things—the rides, the meals, the laundry, the hugs, the laughter in between it all. But that what makes the biggest impact. So don’t give up, Mom. Don’t grow weary with the “little” things. They matter, and in due time, you will see the harvest.

2. You are not alone.

In Isaiah 43:1-5, God talks of His people in words every woman longs to hear: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine … Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you … ”

Despite being surrounded by people, moms still tend to feel lonely quite a bit. Understandably so, as we seem to be taking care of everyone else’s needs from sun up to sun down. We can completely forget to take care ourselves, and sometimes we even feel like we’ve forgotten who we are. But He hasn’t. Those same words He spoke to Israel, God is saying to you … you are His, you are precious and honored, loved. And He is with you.

3. You are exactly the mom they need.

“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” (Psalm 139:16).

Long before you actually had children, even before you rocked a baby doll and pretended to be a mommy, God knew the children He would place in your life. He could see what kind of mom you would be. Our God is not a random god. His works have purpose and meaning, and even before He made you a mother, He shaped you for motherhood. This motherhood.

You don’t have to be a perfect mom, just be their mom. And trust the One whose hand has guided it all.

Here’s one last reminder for you on Mother’s Day.

4. It’s okay to feel a little let down, but don’t dwell on it.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

Crushed in spirit. I’ve felt that a time or two as a mom. When my preschooler told me I was mean and he wanted a new mommy. The year my husband forgot my birthday. The days I feel I’ve gotten everything wrong, or even the days I feel I have gotten most of it right, but someone points out my failures.

It’s crushing. But we weren’t meant to stay downtrodden.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t take a moment to process your feelings, maybe even sulk a little. The problem comes when we get stuck in our negative feelings. When we believe the lie that we really are a sum of our own failures. Psalm 34 goes on to say, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all” (verse 19).

Feeling forgotten

I didn’t have any incredibly wise words for my friend when she recalled to me that painful Mother’s Day. Giving her hand a little squeeze, I told her I’d been there.  I don’t know a single mom who doesn’t know what it’s like to feel a little forgotten, unappreciated. I simply reminded her that I could see what an amazing mom she was, and I hoped she could see that too.

Thankfully, it was just a rough season for my friend; she has since received her fair share of handprinted cards and macaroni necklaces. But for those of you still hurting on Mother’s Day, I’ll leave you with one more verse I hope you take to heart—“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

Oh, and just in case no one has told you—Happy Mother’s Day. You’re a great mom.

Copyright © 2018 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

The post 4 Reminders for the Weary Mom on Mother’s Day appeared first on FamilyLife®.

My first memories of Mother’s Day are sitting as a child in church as the minister recognized all the mothers. I remember them standing in recognition of their day. I also remember them all wearing corsages. It was a tradition in that generation, and somehow the men knew it was part of their jobs to provide the corsages for Mother’s Day Sunday.

By the time I became a mother, corsages had vanished, but recognition in church on Sunday morning remained. In my early mom years, I felt funny standing in church, as if that role still belonged only to my mother and not to me. But by the time I had three or four kids, I was firmly established in my new identity. As my daughter Ashley said during her fourth pregnancy, “I don’t know what happened to the old Ashley.  She got lost somewhere along the way.” Mother was indelibly who I was, and the vestiges of the old me were now to be found only in photo albums.

Honestly, Mother’s Day was usually somewhat of a disappointment to me. The inherent promise and expectation of a day set aside to honor mothers was never met. It’s not that my husband didn’t try. He always bought me something; usually it was a rose bush or another plant for the yard, which he knew I liked. And my kids always made me a sweet card or a crayoned picture in Sunday school. They all said, “Happy Mother’s Day,” and gave me kisses and hugs. But then everyone needed lunch and naps, and there were squabbles to resolve and needs to be met …

The kind of honor I longed for and needed in those harried years of selfless, endless labor was not to be found on the second Sunday in May.  It’s not possible for children to really appreciate you for the enormity of your service. What I wanted was a day free from sibling rivalry and a simple, genuine, “Thanks, Mom,” that was unprompted by my husband or the Sunday school teacher.

In hindsight, I now understand what I longed for is only possible when your children grow up and become parents themselves. Then they begin to “get it”!

You see, mothering is a ministry to the future. It’s a very private, unseen ministry. It’s like a long-term, 20-year investment in which you cannot withdraw any of your money until the 20 years is up. You place your bets and then wait to see the outcome many years ahead. In mothering, there are moments of glory when you see hints that your investment is paying off, but they are not permanent until the end.

Interestingly, it’s only now that my children are grown that I really appreciate my own mother. And even so, I really have no idea what sacrifices, worries, and suffering she endured for me and my brothers. Only God knows, and He is the One who will give the ultimate honor when He says one day, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

And that is the real Mother’s Day. May your focus be on the honor to come on that day, and may you raise your children to walk closely with Jesus all their days.

And remember, as I so often forgot in the daily-ness of life, that a mother’s job is laborious not because it is small, but because it is gigantic. Mothering is the most important calling on a woman’s life. Mothers can indeed change the world.

Copyright ©2013 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

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Not too long ago my mother gave me a copy of a poem that I had written as a child. For some reason, she kept it tucked inside her dresser drawer for decades:

MOTHERS Mothers are young and old, Kind of mean and sweet. My mother’s the best of all, lovely and sweet. Her gentle hands, her soft touch, everything about her. She seems to be the only mother in the world for me! She is not like a neighbor or a close friend, but like a mother! When, oh when, there was a mother as sweet and lovely as mine, I do not know! But mine’s a real good one! —by Mary Lucile May (at age 10)

Today, as a mother and grandmother myself, I understand why my scribblings meant so much to Mom … why she saved my poem for so many years. I now understand that in my childish way, I had called my mother blessed (Proverbs 31:28).

I asked some friends about special ways they have been remembered as mothers and ways they’ve honored their own moms on Mothers’ Day. The scope and creativity of their ideas were amazing!

I trust that the following ideas will help you honor the special moms in your life:

1. Make a one-of-a-kind booklet for Mom, filled with family photos and hand-written notes. Or, shoot a video capturing how much you appreciate Mom. You might want to film the children in various areas of the house, thanking Mom for the impact she has on their lives in particular rooms. You could also record some original songs or even a family skit. (Contributed by Aileen Ostendorff)

2. Make a recipe book for Mom. Kids can put one together, even if they are very young and don’t know the real recipes. “Anything from my kids like that touched me because you could tell they were so proud because they had made it themselves.” (Contributed by Sharon Hill) Adults or older children may want to add some special things to Mom’s recipe book such as her favorite sayings, Scriptures, tales from Mom’s childhood, copies of her handwritten recipes, some family history, etc. (Contributed by Fran Taylor)

3. After creating a restaurant atmosphere somewhere in the house, children of any age can cook a meal for Mom and serve it to her. “When my kids did this it taught them to give to someone else and also gave them a cooking lesson!” (Contributed by Arlene Kirk)

4. Give Mom the gift of time—a day to go antiquing, have lunch, or enjoy dessert and coffee later in the day. Reminisce about how she has contributed to your life. Younger kids in the home could give Mom a day at the spa while they clean the house. (Contributed by Betty Rogers)

5. Make a corsage or arrangement out of silk flowers that are similar to the ones that were in her bridal bouquet. (Contributed by Vickie Burnett)

6. Remember Mom with roses or a rose bush. “I try to send Mom yellow roses because that’s her favorite flower.” (Contributed by Mari Peters)

7. Write a poem or heartfelt letter expressing your love and appreciation to Mom. You may want to thank her for her Christian example. A nice touch would be framing the poem/letter with a picture of her holding you as a newborn. Dennis Rainey’s book The Forgotten Commandment gives step-by-step ideas for writing tributes. (Contributed by Mary Carol Pederson)

8. Make ceramic impressions or plaster imprints of the kids’ hands. “Although our boys are now grown, I can still touch the shape of each finger and thumb. As wonderful as pictures are, they can’t replace those little hands.” (Contributed by Fran Taylor)

9. Give a gift that involves creativity, such as needlework or a craft. “My mother still displays things I made for her 30 years ago as a college student, so I think she liked them!” (Contributed by Carol Scarborough)

10. Host a tea party. “My daughters invited 10 of my close friends to high tea at a local hotel. It was elegant. I felt esteemed. I felt like a little girl who was playing tea party once again.” (Contributed by Betty Rogers)

Copyright © 2007 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

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