I buried my husband on New Year’s Eve. His unexpected death came in the midst of the holiday season—just six days before Christmas and twelve days before the new year.

When death came, I resented that the world kept turning. Time felt as if it was standing still and I thought it should. My life had come to a crashing halt. How could everyone else continue as if nothing had changed?

The turning of the year felt like another blow. My husband had been alive in 2020. But 2021? It would exist without him. It was a year his life wouldn’t touch—365 days I would have to face without him by my side.

It’s hard to believe I am about to do this … again. 2022 is coming to a close and soon the calendar will say 2023. Another year without his presence. Another year further from the days when we laughed together at our son’s antics while decorating our Christmas tree. Another year of solo parenting. Another year of digging deeper than I ever have before to take care of our son and manage our life by myself.

A lesson from grief

Grief has taught me nothing more profoundly than how fleeting life really is. It’s so easy to assume life will be long and we will get our fill of days. We assume we will grow old with our spouses, hold our grandchildren someday, and maybe even check some wild experiences off of our bucket lists.

Grief has taught me this isn’t always so. My husband died at 35. Thirty-five short years and then he slipped away. I couldn’t hold on to him no matter how hard I tried.

Since the day the dirt was placed over his grave and I stood numb with shock and despair, I’ve seen life differently. Through the eyes of grief, I look at my son and know I may not get to watch him grow to adulthood. I see my possessions and realize some day they will all be left behind. I check my calendar with the startling realization that I have far less control over how my life will unfold tomorrow than my carefully logged events would make it seem. I hear women complain about their husbands and I ache for reasons to complain about mine. I see people living as if their lives will never end and I feel an urgency to shake them out of their slumber.

Life is a vapor

The Bible confirms these things are true. We’re reminded in James 4:14 that, “you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”

With the turn of a new year, we’re encouraged to find ways to live better—to be better—than before. This world offers us many things to “live” for. We can live for success; for making a name for ourselves and achieving our goals. We can live for family; to make our relatives proud and carry on the culture or legacy we come from. We can live for happiness; pursuing anything and everything that claims it will give us a moment of escape or satisfaction. 

We long for peace and hope these things will bring rest to our souls. Yet rarely do we ask if they are truly worth living for. Rarely do we stop to consider that our lives could end tomorrow and everything we’ve worked so hard for could be lost in an instant.   

Have we taken time to ponder if we are ready for death to come?

Holding life loosely

In 2020, with no idea how my life was about to radically change, I spent the morning baking Christmas cookies for the family cookie-decorating party we had planned for the following afternoon. But the next day, instead of sitting around the kitchen table laughing and singing along to Christmas carols with sticky fingers covered in icing, we found ourselves huddled together, surrounded by piles of wet tissues, trying to wrap our minds around the events that led to my beloved’s body being taken away in the middle of the night.  

Sometimes we expect that tomorrow will be as fun as Christmas cookies, but instead, it is as sorrowful as the grave. We truly do not know what tomorrow will bring.

As I start another new year without my husband, I am reminding myself to hold onto this life loosely. I will endeavor to hug my people often and make sure they know I love them. I will try to savor the little moments and the precious gift of time with the ones I love. And I will strive to live in light of what grief has taught me about the fleeting nature of life.  

After all, tomorrow is not guaranteed.  

Copyright © 2022 Elise Boros. All rights reserved.

Elise Boros lives outside of Washington, D.C., and spends her days raising her son and investing in the lives of college students through the campus ministry of Cru. As a young widow, she is passionate about helping other people walk with God through grief and sorrow in an authentic way. Elise blogs monthly as part of the content team for Songs in the Night, a widow discipleship ministry. You can read about her and her husband’s journey through and beyond heart transplant at Waiting For True Life or follow along as she tells their story on Instagram @waitingfortruelife.

The post Another New Year Without My Husband appeared first on FamilyLife®.

What do you get the person who has everything?

It’s a question that’s stumped family members and friends through the ages. You really want to show them you care about them on their special day, but every idea you come up with is something your loved one already has.

Of course, you can try searching online for ideas. But if it’s anything like my most recent attempt, the list may be pretty lame: a drone, a bonsai tree, a monogram branding iron for steak, and a self-cleaning water bottle.

So what do you get the person who has everything? Are we even asking the right question?

There’s a story in the Bible about a man who had everything (or so it seemed) but lost it all. Every bit of it. He had nothing. If there was ever a time someone needed a gift, it was then and there. His well-meaning friends gathered around. But the timing just wasn’t right for ordinary gifts. He needed something much more.

The man who had everything?

At the destructive hand of Satan, Job had lost his family, his livestock, and his property. On top of that, he was suffering from a horrible and painful physical condition. (Read the full story here.)

His friends sat with him in silence, sharing in his deep sorrow. If only they had left it at that. But they felt the need to try to solve Job’s problems. More than that, they implied he was somehow to blame for his calamity, certain that God was justly punishing him.

But Job was a righteous man. His integrity was unassailable, and he trusted fully in God. But even he was beginning to wonder, “Why me?” and question God’s judgment.

But Job was about to receive the PERFECT gift.

God stepped in and asked him a series of questions to remind Job exactly Who he was dealing with—the Creator and Sustainer of the world. The Giver of life and of all good things.

When God finished His 20-questions game (actually more than 60), Job realized the ONE thing he didn’t have: a proper understanding of his Creator and Sustainer and an intimate relationship with Him.

“I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes” (Job 42:5-6).

Proud Job had been more focused on his own righteousness and accomplishments than with the righteousness and grace of the One who had given him everything he had. So he humbled himself before God and prayed for his “friends,” whom God had just given a dressing down for their own self-righteousness and presumption.

Because of Job’s newfound humility, God restored everything he had lost, two times over! But Job’s favorite gift of all was his new relationship with God.

What do you get the person who has everything?

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to find the perfect gift for a friend or family member you love: drone, bonsai, monogrammed steak, whatever. Knock yourself out.

But remember, all the gifts in the world can’t equal the one thing that brings true fulfillment: being restored to the One who created each of us in His image and wants nothing less than the best for any of us.

Maybe this next holiday or birthday, add to your gift a word of encouragement to get to know the Giver of all good gifts. Instead of just wondering what to get the person who has everything, commit to pray for the one you love to find true fulfillment in God and restoration to Him through Jesus Christ.

THAT is the perfect gift and one that keeps on giving.

Copyright © 2021 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

Since 1995, Scott Williams has been ministering to marriages and families. Since 2004, he’s been doing so as a senior writer for FamilyLife. In 2019, he was diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer, but by God’s grace, is doing remarkably well and is continuing to write for FamilyLife. Scott and Ellie live in Little Rock, Arkansas, and have seven adult children and four grandchildren.

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God has one big, beautiful diverse family! And though we are of many tribes, nations, languages, and ethnicities, as believers, we are one in Christ and members of the same body. As we learn to love one another as He has loved us (see John 15:12), it’s important for us to understand and appreciate our cultural and experiential differences. But it’s equally important for us to acknowledge we really do have more in common—physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually, and so on, as members of the human race.

In the month of February, we have the opportunity to learn more about the strength and history of Black individuals through Black History Month. Check out the ideas below for meaningful ways to celebrate this month with your family.

1. Check out these eight online exhibits on Black history, racism, and protest.

2. Attend the Chicago Children’s Choir’s Black History Month virtual concert, Remembering, Reclaiming, Reconnecting, on Saturday, February 26th.

3. Explore Black history together. Search the National Archives for information and discuss why it’s important.

4. Visit a Black history or civil rights museum in your local area.

5. Attend a Black History Month celebration in your community (with CDC safety measures in mind).

6. Discover what the Bible says about justice and oppression, then write out what you learned from those verses.

7. Visit a Black church.

8. Read about Black missionaries and heroes of the faith. Here’s a good place to start.

9. Watch a documentary about Black History: Check out these recommendations from PBS.

10. “Check out” a Black author. Go to your local library and check out one or more of the books they have featured for Black History Month.

11. Research Black inventors throughout history. Start here.

12. Explore the history of Black music or art.

13. Volunteer at a local Black-owned business or a nonprofit organization serving the Black community.

14. Support a Black business. Whether it’s a local Black-owned restaurant, bookstore, salon/barbershop, or retail boutique, get outside your usual spots and see what new favorites you find!

15. Cook a soul-food meal for your family or friends. There’s a wealth of recipes online and on Pinterest. Or ask a friend for one of her own or for one of her grandmother’s famous recipes!

Copyright © 2021 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

Leslie J. Barner is the senior director of operations for FamilyLife. She is the author of numerous articles and several books and has overseen the development of numerous books and resources, including The Art of Marriage®, Stepping Up®, The Art of Parenting®, and The Story of Us—A Couples Devotional. Leslie and her husband, Aubrey, have four grown daughters and a number of grandchildren. They reside in Little Rock, Arkansas.

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Life is plain old hard right now. Cultural and worldly matters aside, I recently moved to a new state, only multiplying the uncertainties and nebulousness of the past year. I need to find a new church, new friends, new places to serve, and get plugged into. It’s been hard to give thanks this year.

I’ve noticed the changes and turmoil of life tempt my thankful heart to turn into a Shrinky Dink. Not that it’s entirely absent, it just doesn’t come as fluidly as I’d like. You, too?

During the holiday season, we’re expected to give. Give money … gifts … time. But did we give thanks, too, as we ought?

We’re called to “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you,” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). But let’s be real: even when our world isn’t topsy-turvy, we aren’t quick to say “thanks.”

What can you give thanks for this year?

The pandemic has changed many things, but not our call to give thanks. Looking back, there are many things to thank God for, despite the losses we’ve carried. Consider this list of unexpected things I’ve become thankful for in the new year.

What can you add to it?

1. The reach online sermons have allowed.

My previous church recently announced that the current class of new members is the largest they’ve ever seen. Incredibly, through watching the service online, our numbers of committed church partners have grown.

Another church I know of shared their giving has gone up. These are merely two local stories of how God is using the pandemic to expand His Kingdom. We can definitely give thanks for that.

2. Deeper appreciation for a hug.

I went the first two months of the quarantine without a hug. The first time I gave in and nodded my approval to let a friend hug me, it was sheer bliss. We were designed to need physical touch, some of us more than others. Now when someone implies they’re accepting hugs, I don’t take it lightly.

3. Cooking more often.

I know I’m not the only one’s who’s cooking repertoire has flourished this year. My housemate bought me a recipe box to house her family recipes we’ve made. Having more time to spend in the kitchen has expanded my interest in cooking new things. I’m thankful God provided the time and the space to grow this skill.

4. More time with family.

Would your family have seen each other as much had the pandemic not forced it upon you? Maybe you’re laughing at me, “No. And I wouldn’t be complaining about it!” But would you know what’s going on in your spouse’s or child’s world as much as you do if your proximity hadn’t been this confined?

As a single woman living in a different state than my biological family, “more time with my family” in a traditional sense hasn’t been true for me. And yet God provided a way through it all for me to work remotely from my parents’ home for a number of weeks. I give thanks for the welcome and unexpected bonus!

5. Increased awareness of people’s need for Christ

Because of the struggles of this year, we’re hearing numerous stories of people seeking spiritual help online. I stumbled upon a Christianity Today article which shared the rising numbers Christian organizations are watching in their online ministries.

Dark times historically draw people to God and to His salvation, and COVID-19 is no exception. We should thank God for using this darkness for His glory.

6. Less extracurriculars distracting from time together.

When our schedule slates were wiped clean at the forefront of the pandemic, we were given a gift. We were freed to evaluate: Do I want to keep up the “I’m never home” schedule?

I’m thankful for the reset. I needed to reevaluate the difference between what God wanted me to say “yes” to and what I wanted to say “yes” to.

7. Increased awareness of our need for community.

We’re not all “people” people. Some of us are satisfied with one, maybe two, solid friendships. Others thrive surrounded by friends. Regardless of the end of the spectrum you land on, we’ve all experienced drought in community.

And we all have a new appreciation of being with people. Now, we don’t take it for granted when we’re together with others. For those of us who already valued community, that value is only heightened.

8. The blessing of having a job.

I say this acknowledging that many have lost jobs. A number of my friends experienced part-time furloughs or full-time layoffs due to the stretched economy. I also have friends overloaded with multiple jobs layered upon their existing work due to the same reason.

As someone who hasn’t lost work hours, I’m more thankful than ever to still hold my job. Whichever situation you land in, this season has made us thankful to have a job when we have it, and appreciate it all the more when it’s returned to us.

9. Saving money from limited shopping options.

I’m not much of an online shopper. I have to try it on or see it in person to truly be tempted. Because of this, my wallet has seen a shift for the better! Instead, most weekends have entailed a movie at home and extra time for projects.

While of course I’d prefer the freedom to get out more, I’m thankful for the diminished temptation to spend.

10. More interaction with your neighbors and opportunities for ministry.

I’ll confess: I could grow in the area of neighbor interactions. However, I’ve certainly waved more often to fellow walkers and across the street when neighbors pull into the driveway. Stories of friends inviting neighbors to their driveway for a bonfire and reading Bible stories to the kids encourage me.

A few weeks ago, my own grandma was chatting with her next-door neighbor. By the end of their conversation, they decided to meet every Monday for Bible study. Another thing we can give thanks for this year? That it has opened the door for uncountable ministry opportunities, both online and in person.

What unexpected things have come of 2020 that you can give thanks for this season? How could your prayer life change in the new year if you remember all God has done for you to give thanks for this year?

Copyright © 2020 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

Lauren Miller serves on staff with FamilyLife as a writer in Orlando, Florida, though she’ll always be a California girl. She graduated from Biola University and the Torrey Honors College where the Lord first planted in her a love for family and marriage ministry. As a single, she loves serving the youth at her church, watching British dramas, and reading a good book in her free time.

The post 10 Things To Give Thanks for This Year appeared first on FamilyLife®.

New Year’s Eve is traditionally a time of celebration as friends and family gather to ring in the new year. But if you have kids, a night on the town may not be your choice for an end-of-year countdown. But how do you create a New Year’s Eve with kids that everyone can enjoy?

We’ve got you covered with options that will help your family reflect on the past year, create tasty foods and fun crafts, and play until the clock strikes midnight.

So break out the balloons and party poppers, and let’s get started!

1. Share your favorite pictures.

Have each family member choose a picture from the last year to share about. This can be a picture with a parent, spouse, or sibling—anything that captures a memory of family togetherness. Go around the room and have every person take time to share what’s going on in their photo and why it’s special to them.

2. Set goals for the new year.

Set goals for the upcoming year using FamilyLife’s® guide to family values and resolutions. Be sure to fill it out and hang where everyone can see as a reminder throughout the year. Maybe one of your goals in the new year could be to spend more time as a family (or maybe just Mom and Dad).

As you create New Year’s resolutions, surrender them to the Lord. Instead of striving for perfection, remind your kids to allow God to grow them in the areas they entrust to Him. Wrap up your time together by praying for each family member and the goals they set for themselves.

3. Our year in review.

Craft a list of three to five age-appropriate discussion questions for your family. This is a time to reflect on the blessings and hardships of the year and how God worked in them (Psalm 107:2; Psalm 34:8)

Here are a few sample questions:

1. What was the hardest part of this year?
2. What’s something you learned about yourself this year?
3. What is something you learned about God this year?
4. How have you experienced God’s redemption this year?
5. What would you like us to do more as a family?

4. Set up a photo booth.

Break out the Halloween costumes, crazy hats, and costume jewelry for this one. Put up some balloons or a dollar store “Happy New Year” sign and voila! You have a photo booth! Get a little silly as you strike your best poses.

5. Personal pizza station.

This fun idea from Food Network suggests setting up a personal pizza station for New Year’s Eve with kids. This is a simple meal that’s sure to please even your picky eaters. Purchase some personal pizza crusts or make your own, and set up a station with cheese, sauce, and everyone’s favorite toppings. You all will have as much fun making these as you do eating them.

6. Confetti balloon New Year’s Eve countdown.

What’s New Year’s Eve without a good countdown? Consider counting down with confetti balloons. Get your kids involved and fill the balloons with confetti before blowing them up. Write a time on each balloon for every hour (i.e. 6:00 p.m., 7:00 p.m.). Have the kids pop each balloon according to their corresponding time.

7. Create fancy milkshakes.

Make sweet treats the whole family can appreciate! Purchase a couple tubs of ice cream and set out a few dishes of your favorite candies and toppings. Feel free to get a little messy as you decorate your tasty creations. Don’t forget to take a family photo with your Insta-worthy desserts!

8. Family game night.

It’s time to bring some friendly competition into your evening!

Game nights are a classic tradition for my family whether we’re playing cards, classic board games, video games, or more interactive activities. If you’ve dug through your vault of card games, board games, and video games and are in need of more ideas, try charades or Minute to Win It games.

9. Sing karaoke.

Pull up the karaoke versions of your favorite songs and belt your heart out! If you’re not into singing, try out your lip-syncing skills.

10. Have a dance party.

Slide around some furniture, set up your speakers, and get on your feet! Search for family-friendly party playlists or let your kids be DJs. I’m a firm believer that dancing brings people together. You don’t have to be good. Take it from me, those of us who are less talented in this area may be the ones having the most fun!

Alternative: Hook your phone up to a speaker and set an alarm to go off at random times each hour. Choose an upbeat song for each alarm and have a mini dance party every time the alarm goes off.

New Year’s Eve with kids

Now that you’ve got some ideas for celebrating New Year’s Eve with kids, it’s time to get planning your ultimate family night.

At FamilyLife, we believe families can reflect God to the world through the ways they love one another—whether that’s discussing the highs and lows of the last year or playing a silly game. That’s why we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most in the new year. Join us in taking the 500 Hours Together challenge. Perfect for couples, families, or even those who want to spend more time making a difference in their communities.

Five-hundred hours, a lifetime of impact. Find all the details here.

Copyright © 2020 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

Alex McMurray is a writing intern for FamilyLife at Cru headquarters in Orlando. She graduated from Cedarville University with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and a concentration in child and family studies. She grew up in Slippery Rock, Pennsylvania with her parents and older brother. In her free time, she enjoys going on outdoor adventures with her friends and playing card games.

The post 10 Ways To Celebrate New Year’s Eve With Kids appeared first on FamilyLife®.

A spanking-new Trader Joe’s grocery store recently opened five minutes from my house, the first one in the state. Having been raised on its treats and savory offerings, I could hardly wait. I braved the lines on opening day just to say I had. But what I most looked forward to was enjoying the new items I purchased.

I love new things. New clothes. New Netflix shows. And yes, new goodies in the pantry. There’s also something exciting about new starts. At the close of each year, we’re gifted with a new round of 12 months to celebrate on New Year’s.

But while new things might be fun, God clearly designed us for internal renewal. The Lord does a spiritual renovation in each person He indwells. Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” As new creations, our hearts, minds, and desires begin to mimic Christ’s.

Yet even our new hearts need a daily refresh button. Personally, I’m constantly dissatisfied with my uncharitable thoughts and lack of love toward others. Regardless of how much I know I should do something or think a certain way, I still slip up. Even Paul felt this way (Romans 7:15).

Since many of us are already in the practice of beginning New Year’s resolutions, why not dedicate this year to spiritual renewal? We all need a daily heart reset, and nothing does the job better than prayer. To help you get started, here are four basic prayers to commit to praying this year.

Prayers for the New Year: Renewed Thoughts

A helper by nature—where are my Enneagram type 2s?—I focus on what people need and how they perceive me in light of what I do for them. Motivated by a desire for love and belonging, I catch myself mulling over self-centered thoughts. Will they ask me to help them again even though I messed up last time? Who am I if I’m not needed?

Where do you find your mind drifting most? We’re commanded to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37). It’s a challenge to love the Lord with our minds, especially when we think of where our minds move. Thoughts feel private, unknown by God. But how wrong we are! God knows our thoughts even before we form them (Psalm 139:2).

This knowledge shouldn’t paralyze us but convict us. Every day we need help reining in our thoughts, literally stopping and shifting them in a God-ward direction. Even during commonplace scenes, such as waiting for the person in front of you to make a painstakingly slow right-hand turn—bless them—or when our kid loses their shoe again, we should ask for God’s help to put a halt to our unloving thoughts.

Prayer: Lord, please help renew my thought life. I want my thoughts toward my family and even those I don’t know to reflect my love for You. Help me notice when my mind drifts into judgment, impatience, and worry.

Prayers for the New Year: Renewed Awareness of Weakness

Lament is such a melancholy word. You can almost hear Eeyore’s voice when you read it. It means “to mourn” or “to regret strongly.”* As unpleasant as it is, it’s healthy to embrace lament in the right context. One of the appropriate things we should lament is our own weakness.

There’s an entire book in the Bible called “Lamentations” that speaks about the rebellion of Israel against God and the suffering she brought on herself. In Lamentations 1:20, Israel says, “Look, O Lord, for I am in distress; my stomach churns; my heart is wrung within me, because I have been very rebellious.” In both a physical and emotional sense, the aftermath of Israel’s rebellion against God weighs greatly upon her.

But because Israel remembered God’s faithfulness, she later says, “Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the Lord” (Lamentations 3:40). Reconciliation with Christ always starts with repentance.

New Year’s is an optimal time to consider how our actions impact our future. It’s the only time in the year that culture collectively welcomes introspection. Everyone’s questioning, “What habits should I purge or begin this year?”

In light of that, we should ask the Lord to open our eyes to our weaknesses, so we’ll welcome His daily help.

Prayer: Lord, give me eyes to see my true weaknesses and not just the cosmetic ones. I want to “examine [my] ways and return to the Lord.” Help me to trust in Your strength and not my own to do this.

Prayers for the New Year: Renewed Relationships

Aren’t relationships sticky? Why is that? Because when we’re impatient, it’s usually because of someone else. When we’re angry, it’s because of someone else. And when it’s not about someone else, the anger or bottled impatience gets spewed all over the people nearest to us. Love isn’t the natural response we feel toward other people.

Our interactions with family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers indicate the health of our hearts toward God. Just as we’re to love the Lord, we’re to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:36-39). But I find it much easier to pray the generic, “Lord, help me love others,” than “Lord, help me to love my mother.”

Take a moment to appraise your current family relationships:

• Has your previously vibrant marriage taken a nosedive? When was the last time you served your spouse without expecting a “thank you”?
• What about your relationship with your parents? What tone do you use with them?
• And your kids? Do they feel safe expressing their fears and struggles with you?

If you feel you’ve missed your chance—that you’ve failed too many times in the relationship department to start fresh—think again. God will equip you to love your family and friends if you seek His help. Sure, you’ll still have to live with the reality you’ve created, but that shouldn’t discourage you from pushing toward a new one.

Prayer: Lord, help me restore my track record in my relationships. I need help loving my family members and my friends and putting their needs before mine. Help me to identify specific problem areas in the way I treat people.

Prayers for the New Year: Renewed Family Members

Have you ever prayed for family members who aren’t followers of Christ? I’m sure you have.

But when was the last time? For me, because they’re family, it doesn’t cross my mind to pray for them like I would for a new friend. I hate to think I’ve lost hope, but something has obviously caused my lack of elbow grease in prayer.

Regardless of how we feel about a situation, Jesus told us to pray persistently (Luke 18:1-8). Of all things, prayer is not something we should peter out on. Andrew Murray, the 19^th century South African Christian pastor, wrote, “We must begin to believe that God, in the mystery of prayer, has entrusted us with a force that can move the Heavenly world, and can bring its power down to earth.” Not only for our own lives but for the lives of others, we shouldn’t waste this mind-blowing opportunity to pray.

What if you picked someone new in your family to pray for each week? I wonder what kind of change the Lord might work.

Prayer: Lord, give them eyes to see their need for Jesus. Let someone share the gospel with them, whether it’s me or someone else. Help them to accept Your Son and become a new creation. 

Be persistent

God hears our prayers and wants us to keep asking. We might never see what happens from our prayers, but we can trust that in God’s sovereignty, He will carry out His will.

As a gentle warning, don’t assume your resolve to pray more this year will come easily. Like any other New Year’s resolution, you’re going to want to quit after about 10 days. Plus, the devil will do what he can to derail you. He’ll bring to mind the other important things you need to do instead. He’ll guilt you by whispering, “You waited until now to get serious about prayer, and you expect God to listen?” But don’t let him beat you down.

Maybe get your spouse or a close friend to pray these things with you for accountability. And when you find yourself lagging, pick it back up again. There’s nothing better for your spiritual health than exercising your freedom to pray.

Copyright © 2020 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

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My Pop-pop, Richard Rasmussen, loved to tell stories. He lit up when my cousins and I would asked him to tell us one about his life. Our favorite was always how he’d fallen in love with my Mom-mom in the 7th grade.

He told us all about the ways he tried to woo her: the Frank Sinatra concert he took her to, working hard for months and months to be able to afford it. Then how she went on to date another guy.

He put on quite the dramatic show as he explained the days, months, and years he waited patiently for her to finally return his feelings in their early 20s. She would roll her eyes and say “Oh, Richie, stop!” in mock annoyance. But no matter what, she’d always, always give him a kiss at the end of his story. Their love was one for the ages.

Pop-pop also told stories about his time in the Marines. He recalled being a cook for hundreds of men. And he reminisced about the friendships that began back then and remained strong decades later.

A war hero

One day, he told us the story of his friend, Henry. He and Henry had been friends all through school, and they decided to join the service together. My Pop-pop wanted to go into the Army, but Henry wanted to go into the Marines. Leading up to the day they enlisted, they had both been unable to sway the other to switch their preference. So they parted ways once they arrived at the military office.

Pop-pop began mulling over his choice of going into the Army. He realized he didn’t have any deep-rooted feelings toward either military branch, so he decided to switch and join Henry in the Marines.

He looked but couldn’t find Henry. But he went through with enlisting in the Marines, deciding he’d surprise him after finishing his physical.

However, unbeknownst to my Pop-pop, Henry had the same idea. He had changed his preference and joined the Army so he could be with Pop-pop. When they found each other after their physicals, they couldn’t believe what they’d done. My Pop-pop would look at us and say, “That’s what true friendship is: sacrifice and love.”

Due to our age and naiveté, Pop-pop left the story at that for many years. I was much older when I found out Henry never returned from the war. My Pop-pop never told us how he died. There are some war secrets that, no matter the age, are too much to tell and too much to hear.

Pop-pop just said he always felt thankful and indebted to Henry for the life he was able to keep living after the war.

An eternal hero

Isn’t that what Memorial Day is all about? Remembering those who sacrificed their lives so we could live in the land of the free? They died so we can have life.

And when I think of sacrifice, I can’t help but remember the One who made the ultimate sacrifice. Jesus was perfect. Without sin. He wasn’t sentenced to the same fate humanity faced, death. But He willingly gave his life, dying on a cross, taking all our sin upon Himself so we can have an everlasting relationship with God. So we can one day live in the true land of the free, Heaven.

So this weekend, celebrate Memorial Day the best way you know how. Go to parades, picnics, and gatherings with friends and family. Live your life to the fullest in honor of those who gave theirs so we can enjoy days filled with laughter, food, and freedom. Those like Henry. We all thank you.

But let’s also remember the One whose death ultimately gave us the abundant life. His sacrifice is above all others. It not only gave us freedom to live for Him in this life, but also the hope of an everlasting life in the one to come. Jesus, we praise you.

Copyright © 2019 Jenn Grandlienard. All rights reserved.

Jenn Grandlienard grew up an East Coast Philly girl, but now loves calling the Midwest her home. She lives in Xenia, Ohio with her husband, Stuart, two sons, Knox and Zeke, and pup, Stella. Jenn and her husband work with Athletes in Action, a ministry of Cru that teaches college athletes what it means to have a relationship with Jesus. She loves to read, work out, laugh really hard with friends, and spend time with her husband and boys. You can check out her blog about all these things and more at OurGrandLife.com. Find her on Instagram at @mrsjenngrand and on Facebook.

The post Pop-Pop, Henry, and My Reasons to Remember appeared first on FamilyLife®.

It’s graduation season. You might be picking up gift cards and browsing future planning books to gift the graduate in your life. They’ll appreciate those.  But what if you could give something more? Something that won’t run out of uses over time.

Jody Noland, founder of Leave Nothing Unsaid considers herself an ambassador for “eulogizing the living.”  She teaches people to display and name our feelings toward loved ones, affirming them while we have the opportunity. Of course we’re all accustomed to deliver love letters and last words to those on the brink of death. But she says that’s not enough. She incites young and old alike to speak affirmations into one another’s lives today.

When someone does something for us, it’s easy to appreciate them. At a momentous accomplishment, we celebrate with our presence. But how good are we at giving affirmation to the person for his or her special qualities, outside of the act that’s been done or the moment being shared?

This is important because “when you’re inside the jar, you can’t read your own label. So often we can see qualities in people we love that they cannot see in themselves. Sharing those words brings them to life,” said Jody Noland.

Noland agrees that writing blesses the writer as well as the reader. Consider their suggestions when you’re ready to craft letters of affirmation that can speak an important legacy into the lives of new graduates.

How to write an affirmation

1. Make a list of who you’d like to write to. This isn’t only an idea for grads. You can deliver this gift to many in your life on various occasions.

2. Once you’ve settled on the recipient, list the qualities you want to affirm. Keep the list of affirmations positive and very sincere, focusing on the person’s wonderful characteristics and wiring.

3. Decide when you’d like to share the letter. The letter can tie in nicely with special events (graduations, weddings) or holidays (Mother’s Day, Father’s Day).

How not to write an affirmation

1. Don’t use the affirmation letter as a medium to apologize or correct. Focus on affirming characteristics you see and ways you’ve observe God use the person’s gifts.

2. Don’t strive for a certain length. “People who have trouble writing think they won’t be eloquent, but that doesn’t matter,” Noland said. “People just want to know they’re loved and valued.”

3. Don’t avoid people who are difficult to write. “Those are usually the people who need it the most,” she said.

Communicating to the people we love in an affirming way is vital to the health of our relationships. Try it for an upcoming special event in your family’s life or just to speak like in affirmation to someone on any regular day. It will be a memorable way to honor someone.

Copyright © 2019 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

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Halloween presents an uneasy set of choices for followers of Christ. Some traditions, like dressing up in costumes and trick-or-treating, seem harmless. Yet in recent years, Halloween has also grown more and more into a time of dark and frightening images, of celebrating evil.

Many Christians choose to avoid Halloween altogether. Many participate in fall festivals in their community or church but opt out of trick-or-treating on Halloween night. Here two mothers talk about how they use the holiday as an opportunity for family fun while also using the secular cultural celebration as a teaching opportunity to teach their kids about their faith.

Holding On to Our Principles While Joining in the Fun

by Lisa Lakey

When I was growing up, like most kids, I eagerly anticipated Halloween with thoughts of homemade costumes and sugar rushes dancing through my head. I still remember the exhilaration of running from house to house, gathering candy and small prizes to swap with my two older brothers, my parents always waiting nearby on the sidewalk.

Sixteen years after my final trick-or-treating excursion, the tables had turned. I was now a mother and a new Christian. When my preschooler donned a ballerina kitty cat costume (apparently, you just combine favorite things at that age) and asked if she could trick or treat, my husband and I had a decision to make. We had to decide whether we would allow our daughter to participate in Halloween festivities or write off anything pertaining to the day as evil.

We quickly found there wasn’t a shortage of opinions on either side of the issue. My husband didn’t trick or treat as a child but occasionally attended one of the “Fall” or “Harvest” parties that coincide with Halloween. In the end, we decided to participate in the Halloween night festivities without compromising our values. My daughter happily skipped from house to house in her purple tutu and cat ears.

Here are a few things we do as a family to hold onto our principles while still joining in the fun on October 31:

1. We don’t allow costumes that contradict our values. Any costume reflecting something evil in nature, or making light of evil, gets a quick “no” from mom. There will be no homicidal clowns, grim reapers, zombies, or anything offensive. Moreover, especially where my now tween-aged daughter is concerned, costumes must maintain an appropriate level of modesty. And trust me, I know what a challenge it can be to find appropriate costumes for young girls!

2. We carve pumpkins, but in a better light (pun intended). My young son could not wait to carve a pumpkin this year. While my daughter has no desire (much like her mama) to dig into pumpkin innards, my boy finds it fascinating.

One of my favorite resources this time of year is The Pumpkin Patch Parable by Liz Curtis Higgs. I’ve read this book to my littles every year since my daughter was small, and I read it every year to the Wednesday night preschool class at our church while carving a pumpkin or making a pumpkin craft. The book tells a simple story about a farmer choosing a pumpkin to carve and teaches a lesson about God’s love transforming us into something new. And because I am the one holding the book, I don’t have to scoop the insides out of the pumpkin. Win-win.

3. We make it about family and fellowship. My favorite part of the autumn season is all the opportunities to spend time with family and friends. We go to pumpkin patches, fall festivals, and gather at each other’s houses as the kids play and the adults enjoy the cooler weather. We trick or treat with the same friends every year, and it’s fun to look back in photos and see how much they have grown together.

And it isn’t just the kids who enjoy putting on costumes. My husband and I love to dress up with our kids. With our oldest just turning 11, it won’t be long before she is too cool to have dad be the Big Bad Wolf to her Little Red Riding Hood or a ‘50s “greaser” beside his diner girl. My favorite costumes were when my son was just shy of his first birthday, and he and my husband dressed as Curious George and the Man with the Yellow Hat. I’ve been Spiderman’s Aunt May, a mommy cat, and this year I’ll dress up as a Dalmatian fire dog to accompany my favorite 4-year-old fireman.

4. Use it as an opportunity to talk to your kids about Jesus. When my daughter was around 5, we walked up to a house in a friend’s neighborhood, and a grown man jumped out from the side of the house in monster garb to scare her. I don’t remember what I was dressed as that year, but I can assure you I resembled a mama bear as I gave the man an earful. Since then, we avoid the “scary” houses. For one, I don’t like for my kids to be scared by grown-ups. But also, there are some things that just aren’t funny—like death.

Halloween can bring a good opportunity to speak with your children about the truth of death. Dying is treated as somewhat of a joke this time of year. Take a moment to explain to your kids that death is no laughing matter. Without Jesus, we will be permanently separated from God in death. But thanks to God’s mercy and love, through Jesus we can have eternal life.

Participating in Halloween Without Celebrating It

by Sabrina Beasley McDonald

As parents and followers of Christ, my husband and I make careful choices about how we observe different holidays. While Halloween is a secular holiday for most in our culture, the same could be said for Christmas and Easter. One may even argue that the secular versions of those holidays are even more dangerous because they are masked behind beautiful colors and seemingly soft and harmless messaging.

The ugliness and darkness attached to Halloween make it difficult, but we’ve found many different ways to use the holiday to point our kids to the gospel and even share the message with others.

1. We don’t “celebrate” Halloween at our house. We participate in it … carefully. I make it clear to my kids that we don’t celebrate evil. We don’t decorate with ghosts or zombies. We use fall pumpkins, mums, and hay. The kids aren’t allowed to dress up as anything evil or demonic.

While we don’t celebrate evil, death, or demons, we do acknowledge that they exist. However, we don’t have to be afraid because God is greater than any evil or demons, and because Jesus overcame death. If they want something to be scared of, they should fear the wrath of God.

2. Halloween brings up the subject of death. Our culture does not like to talk about death. We have “anti-aging” products that keep people looking young. Permanent dyes hide graying hair. Medicine continually searches for paths to longevity. The average life span now is the longest it has been since the days of Noah.

So death is not an easy topic to bring up, especially with children. But it’s a necessary part of the gospel. The fear of death is what drives people to consider their eternal destiny.

For me, Halloween gives me the chance to talk openly to my children about death we’ve experienced in our family. Their biological father was killed in a car accident when they were very young, and this year a grandmother died. We can talk about where these loved ones are now. They aren’t zombies or skeletons—they are alive and will live forever because they put their faith in Jesus while they lived on earth. As Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die” (John 11:25-26).

3. I talk to my kids about All Saints’ Day. Even though Halloween has pagan roots, like other holidays, it also has Christian roots. Halloween originated from All Hallow’s Eve, the day before All Saints’ Day. All Saints’ Day is a day to remember the martyrs and fathers of the faith that paved the way for the practice of our religion—people like the Apostles, Stephen, Perpetua, and Saint Thomas Aquinas. The goblins and pumpkin faces were meant as a device to scare off the evil spirits so that November 1 could be the holiest day of the year.

The idea of scaring off evil spirits is terrible theology. But when I talk to my children about the purpose for the scares, they realize that it’s not for celebrating evil. It’s for the purpose of celebrating the saints.

October 31 also happens to be the day that Martin Luther nailed The 95 Theses to the door of Wittenberg Castle church—the event that sparked the Protestant Reformation. That’s just another layer of educating kids about church history.

4. We use the day as an opportunity to share the gospel. Halloween is one of the best times of the year to interact with your neighbors and the culture around you. My family has used the days leading up to Halloween to go to the park across the street and pass out candy and gospel tracts to campers. This year, we want to go to a nearby apartment complex and knock on doors to pass out goody bags and tracts.

And what other time of year do dozens of strangers willingly show up at your home? I take my kids door to door while it’s still light outside, and then we come home to hand out candy and gospel tracts to the trick-or-treaters who come through our neighborhood. One year, the tract I passed out was so popular that people came to our door asking for them! I was passing out tracts to moms and dads and people who wanted to take some to their friends.

You can pick up gospel tracts for a minimal cost (just a few cents per tract) at your local Christian bookstore. And the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association and Live Stream Ministries are among several groups that provide downloads you can print.

Copyright © 2017 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

The post Ideas for Observing Halloween Without Compromising Your Faith appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Gathering together for important occasions like birthdays, anniversaries and holidays is a very biblical concept. God instructed His people to come together several times a year, knowing it was good for them to be reminded of what mattered most in life. Today we do the same without realizing we are following an ancient pattern when we gather to celebrate the birthday of Jesus, the anniversary of His resurrection and His ascension, and other important events.

At Ever Thine Home®, our hope is to not only elevate Easter but also call us as women to make our homes His embassy and mark other anniversaries on the Christian calendar with our families and friends. Pentecost was one of the three feasts where the Israelites were commanded to gather together, so this Sunday as you gather for church and lunch or dinner, here are four ideas for how to mark this important occasion with your family.

1. In the Old Testament one practice for the feast of Pentecost was for the priest to wave two loaves of bread in the temple before God in thanksgiving for the early harvest. Though the Jews did not see the symbolism, the two loaves represented two groups of people God planned to harvest for His kingdom: His chosen people the Jews and everyone else called the Gentiles. This Sunday, for lunch after church or for  dinner that night, you might buy two loaves of bread to imitate the original practice. Give thanks that God’s gift of redemption is for all who are willing to receive it.

2.  Create a simple obstacle course in your living room or back yard. Blindfold a volunteer who then has to find their way across the room or yard by listening to your voice calling directions; turn right, stop, take two steps left, etc.  The blindfolded one has to listen carefully to your voice or he will trip or bump into things.

Then talk about how this is like listening to the Holy Spirit’s voice. To further illustrate this, send another person through the obstacle course and instruct other family members to call directions at the same time.  This teaches a very practical lesson on learning to follow one voice as opposed to many other “voices” that might influence our lives.

3. Read one or two of these verses about who the Spirit is and what He came to do: John 14:16,17; John 14:26; John 16:7, 13-15. You might make a list from these verses about what the Spirit will do for us. If you have older children and teens, this can become a very in depth and beneficial discussion as you find other verses beyond these three learning together how vital is the Holy Spirit and His gracious work in our lives.

4. Then read Ephesians 5:17-19 and talk about this command that Paul wrote to everyone who is a Christian. What does it mean to be filled with the Spirit? Why does God command this? How does being controlled by God’s Spirit make a difference in your life, or how should it make a difference?  (For more information on the Holy Spirit, read “The Wonderful News of the Spirit-filled Life,” by Bill Bright.

We hope that adding even one of these ideas to your Sunday this week will help you appreciate the wonder of God actually residing within each of us who believe in Him.  It also can help you give your children a beginning level of understanding of this vital truth.

May you enjoy Pentecost Sunday as you celebrate the miracle of God’s continual presence with us.

© 2015 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

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