This morning I glanced at my schedule for the coming weekend. Four baseball games and two birthday parties dominate the landscape, along with a list of household chores and errands longer than any one man should have to face. And these are supposed to be my days off!

The Bible says that children are a reward from the Lord, and blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them (Psalm 127:3-5). I have certainly found that to be true. But I’ve also found that the fuller my quiver gets (I’ve got five beautiful arrows), the harder it is to find the time to give each child the attention they need and deserve. Can you relate? If so, here are 10 things I do to develop my relationships with my kids, in spite of a hectic schedule.

1. Road trips.

I take a child on many of the daily errands I run, whether to the dump, to the bookstore, or to the grocery store. I often speak at functions several hours away. If I can afford it and it works, I will take one of my children with me. They love the quality time alone with dad (maybe it’s all the fast food we eat?). The time we spend together is invaluable. It’s often an adventure both of us never forget, and it’s a great chance for me to connect with one of my kids.

2. Nicknames.

Each of my kids has a nickname that no one else has. We’ve got a Mouse, a Bear, a Bird and even a Monkey (a few more and we may start a zoo!). These nicknames were given to them as special tokens of my affection. “Anyone can call you by your given name,” I say, “but only I can call by your nickname!” I want my children to know that they hold a special place in my life, that I love them uniquely and individually.

3. Dates.

I have dates with each of my children. Like my wife, they deserve to have my undivided attention every once in awhile. This is more than just letting them come along as I run errands. I build the time around them, and we plan it together. Usually it’s going out for lunch on school days. I’ll pick them up—but not without first asking permission from their teacher: “Do you mind if I take my daughter out for a big, unbelievably special lunch?” Then on the way to lunch, I always say the same thing to my child. “The sky’s the limit, where do you want to go?” Since we only have a limited time to eat before I need to get them back to school, the sky is most often fairly cost effective.

4. A master’s degree.

I want to know everything about my kids. I’ve been trying to get a master’s degree, majoring in my family. I want to meet their needs as best as I am able. Books like The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and The Birth Order Book by Kevin Lehman have enabled me to better understand how my children learn and grow. Each is different and unique. I ask them questions like, “What would you do if you had a million dollars?” “If you could choose to have any superpower, what would you choose?” “Of all the sports you play, what is your favorite and why?” You can learn a lot about your kids’ values, their dreams, their desires and aspirations by asking questions like these. Questions help me to understand my children, and they enable me to, as the saying goes, “walk a mile in their shoes.” It also shows my children that I’m interested in them.

5. Eat together.

In our home breakfast is chaos, and by lunchtime we are scattered to the four winds. As much as our schedules allow, we try to have dinner together as a family. This is our time to reconnect and recharge after a busy day. It’s our chance to celebrate victories, to help each other through the tough things, to do a short devotional, to laugh, to cry, to tell a joke, to hear a story, to sit and feel part of a family.

6. Pray together.

Prayer is important to me. Whether it’s on the way to soccer try-outs, in the car as the ambulance passes us to go to an accident, during the evening before bed, on the way to school or at the supper table, we pray about the past, the present, and the future. We thank God for sending His Son for us, for how He has blessed us and helped us. We pray about their current needs and concerns and that they will remain faithful and strong in their faith. And we pray together for their future occupations and their future spouses, asking God to cause them to grow in faith and purity.

7. Family trips.

I believe a family that plays together, stays together. During the summer we borrow a friend’s ski condo (usually no one uses it during that time, and most of the ski resorts are barren). It’s a great way to spend quality, uninterrupted time with my kids. When I speak at retreats, I arrange as part of my fee a time when we can come back as a family to enjoy the facilities. Walking around our local lake, riding bikes, hiking, going camping, swimming, going to a museum, to parades, to the July 1st fireworks … the list is endless. Oh, and by the way, you may be wondering if I enjoy all these activities. Um … no, not always. But love is sacrificial, and I love my kids.

8. Be available.

Our children need to know that they are important to us. My kids have permission to call me on my cell phone or at work anytime they need to. Sometimes they’ll leave messages like, “Hey Dad, I just called to tell you I love you.” “Dad! Mom wants you to …” I find that my best quality time is at night when my kids go to sleep. I’ll just lay down next to them and talk about their day.

9. Put their activities into your schedule.

My calendar is filled with my kids’ practices, games, school assemblies, and other important events that I don’t want to miss. I can’t always make it to all of them, but as much as possible I am there to cheer them on. And if I can’t be there, I want to be reminded of their big day, so that I can ask them about it later.

10. Play their games.

Each of my children has special interests, and when my time permits, I play their games with them. It may involve playing goalie for hockey, playing Uno or checkers, watching a kids’ movie, playing house or tea party or dress-up games, or watching home theatre productions.

The Bible speaks of children as arrows. I picture myself taking aim, pulling back the bow, and launching them into the world. The target that they hit depends in large part on the amount that I invest in them today. I want to help them to become independent and resourceful, to be free to be whom God has gifted them to be. and to inspire them on to greater heights and depths. Does it take effort? You bet—it’s like a full-time job!

Do I fail? Many times. But I feel it’s like running a marathon with my children: There is a set amount of time that I have with each of my children, and I want to do what I can with the time I have. I don’t set lofty goals, compare myself to other more spiritual or more perfect fathers; I just do what I can do and leave the results to God.

Sometimes, the best thing I can do for my kids is to rest: just curl up on the couch and sleep. Without neglecting them, I try to teach them to rely more on their heavenly Father than their earthly one. At times, I need to be in front of them, pulling them to new adventures; other times I’m beside them, walking through the victories and the failures with them; still other times my place is behind them, encouraging them to go for it, to reach out, to draw back their own arrows, and let them fly.

Are there tough choices sometimes? Yes. Is it worth it? Always.

Used by permission of FamilyLife Canada. Copyright © 2003.

The post 10 Ideas: Creating Quality Time With Your Kids appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Road trips. Our family of seven loves them. We load into the minivan, set off on the open road, coffee in hand, and sing along to Ben Rector or our favorite worship songs. We stop for gas station snacks and bathroom breaks, reflect over last week’s sermon, listen to an audiobook or podcast, and take in all the new surrounding sights.

I cherish these times with my family. When we return home from one family vacation, I am quick to start planning the next!

There is one thing, however, that drags us down. We’d leave it behind if we could. Like an unwanted stowaway, it seems to sneak in among our luggage when no one is watching and weighs us down with its subtle tactics of greed and selfishness.

It’s our sin.

Not just mine, or his, or theirs, but all seven of ours smooshed in tight while we traverse down the road. It continues to plague us once we reach our destination. But how do we process the sin that accompanies us even on our family trips?

3 reminders for family vacations

Here are three reminders when dealing with sin that pops up on family vacations.

1. Remember the truth.

First and foremost, we must remember the gospel. Jesus came to redeem sinners like you and me. My husband is careful to remind me, “We are more like our kids than we are like Jesus.” He and I need the redeeming work of Christ in our lives, just like our kids do. We shouldn’t be surprised when they sin because we still sin.

Use the broken, sinful moments on your vacation to remind yourself, and your kids, of your combined need for Jesus. Confess your sins to one another, seek forgiveness, pray, and then pray some more. It’s true that our sin does not remain at home while we vacation together, but the greater truth is that the grace and mercy of Jesus does not stay at home either. He is our ever-present help in our time of need.

Our family recently went on a great vacation, but we experienced quite a few tense moments along the way. On two separate occasions, our middle child spoke up and said, “I think we should pray now and ask Jesus to help us.” She was right. We needed to repent of our selfishness and quick-temperedness and seek His help.

Your vacation is a wonderful time to seek the Lord together and remind one another how much we are in need of His grace. Instead of getting discouraged when fights and quarrels arise, use them as a reminder to point your family back to the truth that we are people in need of a Savior. Praise the Lord that He came to redeem sinners like you and me.

2. Remember the years go by fast.

Several years ago, we took our oldest three children on a vacation. I saw a restaurant chain I had frequented growing up, and the nostalgic side of me wanted to take our kids there for breakfast. Unfortunately, the kids did not share my enthusiasm for the place and would have rather stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts. All three of them went on to bemoan our breakfast choice which resulted in my frustration, their pouting, and my husband’s anger. Happy vacation, everyone!

Looking back, though, it’s become one of our most laughable family memories. In fact, one year for Christmas my husband bought me an ornament of the restaurant’s logo to commemorate the special day.

We’ve been parents long enough now to recognize how fast these years with our children go by. Remember that. It will help you savor the good moments and faithfully endure the difficult ones. We can choose to wallow in the trying times we encounter with everyone’s sins on full display, or we can choose to forbear and press on in gracious love.

The Hurt family restaurant fiasco of 2014 seems like yesterday to me. I’m thankful we can laugh about it now, but it also stands as a stark reminder to me that the days are long, but the years are short. Remember your time with your children at home is fleeting. Take advantage of the special moments you create with them. You won’t always hear their various opinions on breakfast!

3. Remember your call.

I once heard a pastor comment that he and his wife took vacations, but they never brought their children along. “It’s just too hard,” he said.

My heart sank and to be perfectly honest I thought, “I wouldn’t want to be his child!”

Even when we remember the gospel and are mindful of the short time we have with our children, there are still moments where, if we’re honest, we just don’t want to do the hard work parenting entails. This is when we must remember the call of the Christian parent: to deny oneself daily and pick up your cross to follow Christ.

God entrusts us to mold and shape the lives of our children for His glory. We are called to point our children to Christ while we sit, while we walk along the way, when we lie down and when we rise (see Deuteronomy 6:7). It can be a hard, messy job and will often require the death of our own desires. For our family, this is highlighted all the more on family vacations!

“I just want a break!” can be the tempting refrain, but the refrain of Christ is to lay down our lives. It is our job as parents to remember this call. This can look like joyfully serving your family a meal when you’d rather be sitting on the beach reading a book. Or going to play mini golf with your 10-year-old for the 100th time when you’d rather be playing the back nine by yourself.

Great family vacations are possible

By keeping the gospel as our focus, remembering our time with our children at home is passing away, and recalling that the ultimate call on our life is to die to ourselves and live for Christ, we can redeem the sinful moments and go on to have wonderful, grace-filled, family vacations with our children.

We are currently looking forward to a trip, and I’m filled with anticipation and joy at the thought of loading up the minivan again—even though I know our stowaway will sneak in among us. By God’s grace, we will remind one another of the gospel, grab a coffee to go, and praise the One who is greater than all our sin, as we set off together on the open road!

Copyright © 2022 Nikki Hurt. All rights reserved.

Nikki Hurt is a pastor’s wife and mother of five who lives and writes in northern Indiana. Her first book, Bowed Down to the Dust, was published with Missional Press in the fall of 2021.

The post The Unwanted Stowaway: 3 Reminders for Family Vacations appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Summer break. Some parents welcome it with open arms. Others feel like it’s more bricks, less straw. 

Chances are, this past school year, you were plugging along at a good clip. The kids are ready for something fun, regaling you with friends’ scheduled Disney or beach vacays. 

But maybe this exemplifies the split down your middle. I want to have fun with the kids! Let’s make memories! And on the other side? I’m not sure I have a drop of fun—or another car trip—left in me. 

Time and space for soul care sometimes feels impossible for parents. But what if you could have your break-cake and eat it, too?

Maybe it’s easier than you thought to make a soul-care staycation a reality. 

1. Step back and assess.

We’ve created a Soul-Care Assessment for you. Take stock of what’s going right and what you’re longing for. 

Rather than working around your most deeply felt needs, take them into account. Could your limitations be something to celebrate and treat with sacred humility, rather than constantly shove further? Pray about them, asking God to meet them. You might reflect on Him as Shepherd in Psalm 23, asking Him to lead you beside green pastures and still waters.

Keep in mind the old joke of the man stranded at sea. When a boat comes to his rescue, he refuses: “God will deliver me!” He answers the same to a helicopter sent for him: “God will deliver me!”

When the man dies of starvation, he asks in heaven, “Why didn’t God deliver me?” A voice answers, “He sent a boat and a helicopter.”

What ways might God be presenting your relief that you might be tempted to rebuff?

2. Acknowledge the pressures you feel.

Is there an urge to keep up with the Joneses and their energetic, wow-that-sounds-exhausting, quality-time-filled camping? Or their family cruise? Is a friend treating her kids to a surprise-a-day? Are you a single dad who feels the need to compensate for the demands on his schedule? Though man, it’d be nice to have a day to yourself.

God asks us to consider ourselves with sober judgment (See Romans 12:3. What do I really have the resources to do?) and to not compare ourselves with other families (2 Corinthians 10:12). Jesus also modeled taking time for prayer and solitude, so His work and ministry could proceed from wholeness in His relationship with God.

For our kids, can we set rhythms of making spiritual space?

Recall, too, that parents around the world are struggling to feed their children on breaks from school. These families aren’t child-centered. You don’t need to feed a cultural sense of entitlement in order to make downtime meaningful.

We have an opportunity to teach kids about healthy rest, living within means (in terms of energy, too), and finding meaningful happiness right where we are (a.k.a. contentment).

3. Plan collectively, wisely, and with margin to address the needs of your family.

It’s hard to accommodate your youngest’s fixation on the arcade, your teenager begging to sleep in, and the animal magnetism of the novel at your bedside that’s been calling your name, personally and with feeling. But it’s easier if, as a family, you have key discussions ahead of time. 

But hold your horses. First, chat with your spouse about each of your needs, hopes, and limitations. Are you wanting connection time with the kids? A date night with each other? A morning to sleep in or a day to work in the shop? Get on the same page.

Planning a recent family getaway, my husband and I were both surprised at what activities flew or flopped in the family vote. Without that discussion, we could’ve spent a chunk o’ change on some of the flops. And as a group, we shared more common goals than you’d think (e.g., vegging out). Then, help set kids’ expectations.

“Dad and I are feeling the burn of the schedule right now. We’re seeing you guys could use some down time, too. That means we’re not going to have a nonstop summer break of tons of activities. Instead, we want to focus on the stuff that matters to each of us and work together to make happen what we can. If you’re excited about an activity, you could help plan or propose a way to make it happen—like looking for groupons, researching how much it would cost, or giving us a list of what you’d need from the store.”

You could ask questions like these:

• What would a great summer break look like for you? Do you need rest? Are you hoping for fun? Are you wanting family time? One-on-one time with one of your parents? Friend time? (Scheduling hint: You could schedule one day for time with friends so everyone’s occupied at the same time.)
• What’s one reasonable, staying-here idea that (if it happened) would make your week?

Tip: Your kids, too, need help to see beyond the desires of their pre-developed frontal lobes, and have valuable talks to evaluate what they really need. Maybe that kid struggling with anxiety could use a week to sleep in and not see friends. Maybe your child bouncing off the wall needs some strategic releases of energy each day so he doesn’t send the rest of you to the funny farm. 

4. Get strategic.

Set aside the “big rocks” each of you wants to accomplish, while acknowledging everyone may not get their hearts’ warmest, squishiest desires. 

Think about the best ways to aim not just for quantity, but quality. 

• You might try to have an individual “date” with each child.
• Give priority to scheduling time for spiritual rest, prayer, stillness, and listening. This means actually put it on the calendar.
• One or two “wow” activities here and there can often grant a lasting impression of a fun, off-the-beaten-path summer. Ideas? Family laser tag. Using one of the much-easier-now squeeze-bottle kits of tie-dye. Going to a meteor shower. Hanging up a sheet in the yard and borrowing someone’s movie projector for movies on the terrace (at home), complete with family members’ favorite snacks. Family-made fondue for dinner one evening.
• If a schedule helps you plan, consider scheduling one activity “slot” per week or every other week—low-prep, no-prep, or kid-prep being key. I like this plan. Once I’ve set aside that time and agreed on that expectation with my kids, I’ve accomplished my top goal of connecting with my kids and making a memorable break where they felt special. The remainder of the time, I can relax with more ease. I can model rest and rejuvenation for them.
• See how much white space you can still leave in your schedule. This is time set aside for nothing.
• A day with childcare or relatives is A-okay. One of my goals on kids’ breaks is to simply be present with them—to generally be around, not just for quantity, but for quality. If I’m there for quality moments, it’s just fine if I take a day to sit at a coffee shop and journal, go on a hike, or do something I love.

Someday, my daughter or son may be exhausted from parenthood. And in the recesses of memory, I’d like them to remember I took non-kid-centric time to listen to God, to enjoy Him, and explore His world.

Even if they don’t remember that, maybe they won’t remember the stressed, snippy version of me. Maybe rather than an irritable mom running on fumes, they’ll see Jesus more in me as I operate out of His fullness in me and a satisfied soul.

Copyright © 2022 Janel Breitenstein. All rights reserved.

Janel Breitenstein is an author, freelance writer, speaker, and frequent contributor for FamilyLife, including Passport2Identity®, Art of Parenting®, and regular articles. After five and a half years in East Africa, her family of six returned to Colorado, where they continue to work on behalf of the poor with Engineering Ministries International. Her book, Permanent Markers: Spiritual Life Skills to Write On Your Kids’ Hearts (Harvest House), released October 2021. You can find her—“The Awkward Mom”—having uncomfortable, important conversations at JanelBreitenstein.com, and on Instagram @janelbreit.

The post How To Make a Soul-Care Staycation a Reality (Even With Kids) appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Every single May, my wife and I pack up our family to move to Ocean City, Maryland for the summer. We move into our spot on the coast for six weeks in order to run one of the most influential, life-changing events Cru has to offer a college student.

We host 35 students and 15 staff for a Summer Mission. The best part is that my two young kids get to be a part of it too.

Summer Mission is a lot like spiritual boot camp for college students who want to grow in their faith and learn how to more effectively share the gospel. At the beginning of the Mission, I often tell the students that we have five weeks to prepare them for the next 50 years. We take that responsibility very seriously.

We ask the students to step out in faith. To be willing to grow in ways that may feel quite uncomfortable, because while they’re in Ocean City, we’re not going to do life “business as usual.” Practically, this breaks down into weekly prayer times, Bible study, large group meetings, corporate worship, ministry activities, organized evangelism, men’s/women’s times, and social events, along with a few surprises thrown in for their development.

Inconvenience pays off

But in those five communal weeks, my two daughters get to play with, observe, eat, and talk with sold-out young followers of Christ. Which provides them with life lessons my wife and I would never be able to teach them in our day-to-day routine at home.

The fact that our two elementary school-aged kids have regular run-ins with college kids who love Jesus and want to share their faith is invaluable time that is worth picking up and moving to Maryland for six weeks every summer.

Sure, it’s inconvenient at times. And summer would be easier at home, because all of our friends, church family, and stuff are there. But I wouldn’t trade what we’ve been able to give our girls in Ocean City for anything. Not many young children get the kind of spiritual exposure and unique life experience that they do because we are full-time missionaries.

You can make summer sacred too

All that being said, however, not many families are able to do what we do with our summer. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be intentional with your summer and invest it well with your kids instead of just spending it.

Kids often spend loads of time just sitting around the house doing nothing during July and August. So it’s important to be intentional about setting up family participation in a number of ways that will both benefit them and you as parents.

1. Read and learn

Both of my young girls participate in a reading challenge over the summer that rewards them for reading when school’s not in session. The local library sponsors a giveaway for how many hours the child has read over the summer, and offers prizes for logging hours.

So … why not read alongside your kids as they pick up a book during the summer? Grab that theology book you’ve been meaning to get to for two years that has been staring at you from the bookshelf. Crack open the Christian book you haven’t had time to read during the school year that so many people have been raving about. Or most importantly, open your Bible daily and drink deeply from the life-giving Word of God, for which there is no substitute. There’s no time like the present, so open a book and learn to help you grow.

2. Get creative

Summer can often be a time you let slip by without really getting anything accomplished if you aren’t proactive. One of the things I have often let pass me by is setting aside time to be creative.

For me personally, unless I’m intentional about scheduling time to draw, paint, or sketch, I simply won’t do it. But summer provides great opportunity to get creative by offering loads of extra time you don’t normally have during the school year. Communities often offer art classes or fun, creative crafting activities over the hot days of summer for you and your family to participate in.

But if that’s not your thing, check out these No Bummer Summer cards that include some creative fun right from your own kitchen tables. Participate alongside them as they express their creativity. You’re doing something together, and—who knows?—maybe it will inspire you to break out the paints and work on the canvas you’ve never had the time to get around to until now!

Your kids can watch you be creative as they create too. And if your painting is awful, in the end, you spent time with your children, so it wasn’t a complete waste.

3. Serve

Getting involved in the community where you live can be a wonderful way to invest your summer and simultaneously become a part of the solution where you live. Soup kitchens, homeless shelters, community centers, and even your home churches can often use help in a variety of areas around the summer months. Why not pitch in and help instead of just sitting around staring at a phone or iPad all summer?

Serving can help you and your kids gain a different perspective on life and develop a deeper sense of thankfulness for how God has provided and cared for your family. There’s also the added bonus of becoming the hands and feet of Christ by helping to meet the physical needs of others when you serve.

Communal activity as a family is often a fantastic way to create bonds with your spouse and kids, because working alongside one another for the benefit of others is what Jesus models to us in the gospels over and over again. The Son of Man (Jesus) came not to be served, but to serve others (Matthew 20:28), so this helps your family to identify with Christ in new and exciting ways.

All in all, the summer can be a sacred opportunity for you and your family to grow and enrich yourselves, along with your community, simply by investing your (ample) time. The upcoming fall school year (with all its activity) will be here before you know it, so be intentional and don’t do your summer “business as usual.”

Copyright © 2019 Shelby Abbott. All rights reserved.

Shelby Abbott is an author, campus minister, and conference speaker on staff with the ministry of Cru. His passion for university students has led him to speak at college campuses all over the United States and author the books Jacked, I Am A Tool (To Help With Your Dating Life), and Pressure Points: A Guide to Navigating Student Stress (New Growth Press). He and his wife Rachael have two daughters and reside in Downingtown, Pennsylvania. Instagram/Twitter: @shelbyabbott, Web: shelbyabbott.com

The post 3 Fail Proof Ways to Make the Most of Summer appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Blue. It was all you could see.

A sea of blue rain ponchos ebbed and flowed as eager Disneyland guests moved out of the rain and into the next ride’s queue. To this day as a 20-something, I still reminisce with my cousins about the time all twelve of us (my immediate family, my cousins’ family, and my grandparents) looked like Smurfs during a particularly wet day in Anaheim.

Cold and wet? Without a doubt. Memorable? Absolutely.

Spring break is a blank canvas waiting to be filled with lifelong memories like this.

A row of seven empty boxes on your calendar has been staring at you. It’s up to you to decide what to pencil in. You may choose a family trip you’ve been dreaming about. Or, you may decide to keep those empty boxes as they are: empty.

Either way, spring break is a prime opportunity for your family to make memories together that the typical daily craze does not allow for.

Over the course of 12 school years, my family did various things during spring break. Three of those years we took family vacations. Other than that, we stayed home and basked in a few days without plans. Both experiences were memorable and made our family tighter.

Here are a few reflections on my childhood spring breaks that I hope will offer inspiration for a family-oriented break of your own.

Staycation

You have a week on your hands with kids at home. It’s one of the only weeks in the year without an agenda.

A perk about staycations is your freedom to obey the name: break. When I was growing up, my family of four usually stayed at home to enjoy a few days doing what we didn’t otherwise have time for. We had more time for games after dinner, visiting dad at work, and getting together with our nearby relatives.

My Great Grandma, endearingly known as “GG”, lived just ten minutes down the street. She had a lovely backyard filled with too many flowers to count and wild blackberries climbing over her back gate.

When we weren’t playing “chicken foot,” the domino game GG liked, we visited on her porch and watched the birds enjoy her birdfeeder. It was during this rare “free” time like spring break that we optimized time with family.

Who could you visit on a free week? Who do your kids not know as well as you would like? How can you take advantage of this opportunity to connect them?

Here are a few more low-key activities that make a staycation fun:

• Hang out at a park. Bring your sketch pads and your Frisbee.
• Pull your painting supplies out of the closet. Turn the kitchen table into an art studio for a few days.
• Play the games you got for Christmas.
• Finally take that hiking trail your friend has been telling you about.

Something my parents were careful to avoid was the trap of comparison. Some of our friends took trips to Hawaii, something my family has still never done. Yet, as staycation kids we were expected to have thankful hearts and enjoy what he had.

Don’t feel like you must do something extravagant to keep up with your friends. Take advantage of this break handed to your family on a silver platter. Even if you don’t go big, it’ll be meaningful time together.

Vacation

If you choose to do something bigger, choose an experience as family-oriented as possible. Invite multiple generations to join. And plan activities the entire family can enjoy.

A favorite memory of mine is caravanning with my extended family down to Southern California and riding in the backseat of my grandparents’ car. They had one of those small bench seats that faced the opposite direction of where the car was heading, a novelty to us kids. We laughed and sang and doodled and created stories to our hearts’ content.

I’m sure there was some bickering as well, but what can I say? Many of our most treasured memories sprung out of these multigenerational trips.

Aside from including more family, here are a few practical suggestions for building family memories over a spring break vacation:

• Establish a phone-free zone. Bring your conversation to the table, not your phone. You won’t remember what you read on social media or who liked your post ten years from now.
• Come with a list of fun questions, hypothetical and serious. Whether you’re standing in line at a theme park, waiting for a table at a restaurant, or driving to and from destinations, be creative with how you fill space.
• Share stories from the past. You never know; maybe you’ll hear a new one!
• Avoid splitting off from each other when out for the day. It is a family spring break, after all.
• Allow yourself time to be still. While you may feel the pressure to experience every inch of your vacation spot, rest is necessary. As people addicted to productivity, we must work hard to section off time for rest, both individually and collectively.
• Take family pictures, not just selfies or scenery photos.

Even a small handful of spring break vacations left their mark on our family. As adults, when my cousin and I reunite, we still try to prioritize some kind of Disney experience because we enjoy the nostalgia.

Now it’s up to you. Which will spring break will you opt with? Vacation? Or staycation?  Be encouraged that whatever you choose, your spring break has great potential for family connection.

Copyright © 2019 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

The post Spring Break Is for Making Memories appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Family dinner is a long-standing tradition. It’s a cherished time for connecting with one another over a well-balanced, multicourse meal that every family member leisurely enjoys in the dining room on china.

Right.

While that ideal is possible for some families on some days, the reality is that preparing, sharing, and cleaning up the traditional evening meal can actually cause stress and eat into precious family time.

Some families’ work schedules, community commitments, or developmental needs are simply not conducive to eating dinner together every evening in the conventional sense. For example:

Scenario 1: One parent leaves work just in time to pick up the kids from daycare. They sit in traffic on the way home, and when they finally arrive, everyone is tired, cranky, and hungry. The other parent gets stuck on a late conference call at the office and doesn’t pull into the driveway until 7 p.m.

Scenario 2: One child has basketball practice from 5-6 p.m. Her brother has a study group from 6-7 p.m., and Mom is in charge of the neighborhood HOA meeting from 7-8 p.m.

Scenario 3: One sister eats a snack after she gets off the school bus and isn’t hungry again until almost bedtime. The baby cries in the 5 o’clock hour, needs to be nursed at 6 p.m., and then put to bed by 7 p.m.

These families aren’t doing anything wrong. However, it could be wrong to forcefully squeeze in a family dinner for the sake of custom. It would be counterproductive for the parents in scenario 1 to sacrifice quality playtime with their tired, hungry children in order to cook dinner. The family in scenario 2 is simply going about life and having a one-time scheduling issue. The developmental needs of the kids in scenario 3 are just not aligning during this season.

Bottom line, it’s not always practical to eat dinner as a family. The solution? Give yourself and your family some grace and cancel dinner.

Here’s how to cancel dinner: Make sure each member of the family has a hearty lunch on the days dinner is cancelled. Then, whip out a healthy assortment of munchies for the family to graze on as time permits and let them eat when it works best.

Cancelling dinner frees the parents in scenario 1 from the time commitment of cooking and, therefore, wastes some of the precious little time they get with their kids in the evening. It allows the family in scenario 2 to have healthy options available opposed to grabbing a pricey and less healthy meal on the go. Lastly, it gives the weary parents in scenario 3 grace, so they can avoid enduring a meal with one child wailing as they ask the other child over and over again to please eat one more green bean.

In our well-intended attempt to be healthy, close-knit families, we sometimes let “what we’ve always done” or what we think is “right” cloud our vision. We need to free ourselves from legalistic thinking and instead assess the needs of our families. Cancelling dinner might be a frequent thing for some families, while it’s just a weekly or monthly thing for others. Look at your family members’ calendars, assess their needs, and be self-aware enough to know what you can handle in the evenings.

Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children to anger lest they become discouraged, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” How can you structure your evenings and meet your family’s needs best while building them up? What does it look like for you to maintain a peaceful home? Some nights it might look like swapping highs and lows of the day over the family dinner table. Other nights, it might look like granting everyone freedom to pursue the projects they’re working on, snacking in the kitchen in shifts, and catching up during bedtime prayers.

You are the one most acutely aware of the needs of those who live under your roof, not your neighbors, social media, or even tradition. Don’t be afraid to come up with creative solutions to provide flexibility and maximize quality family time.

Copyright © 2018 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

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My husband is a third generation hunting fanatic. He loves spending time in the woods each fall and never sleeps the night before rifle season opens. October 20 (opening day) has been on our calendar for months! Though it’s not a passion I share, I’m thrilled to report I’m not a hunter’s widow.

My guy also loves football, another seasonal interest I do not share. Believe it or not, I don’t single parent during football season either.

Whether it’s football or hunting, we’ve found ways for all of us to “win” this fall.

Saturdays are for family

Instead of him abandoning us for the woods or holing up in a man cave glued to ESPN, we’ve made fall Saturdays family days. You read that correctly. We’re a family, and we spend Saturdays together. We’ve found a way for my husband to engage in the hobbies he holds so deer (pun intended) while the rest of us look forward to fall as well.

What’s made this work for us is adding to our tribe each Saturday.

Our family spent lazy summer weekends at the neighborhood pool, where our kids played for hours with neighbors. Now that summer is winding down and football season is in high gear, we’ve transitioned from hanging out with friends at the pool to hanging out with them in our homes. We rotate hosting Saturday football-grilling-play date marathons.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″][vc_column centered_text=”true” column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][nectar_btn size=”medium” open_new_tab=”true” button_style=”regular” button_color_2=”Extra-Color-1″ icon_family=”fontawesome” url=”https://www.familylife.com/subscriptions/” text=”Receive more encouraging content like this delivered to your inbox!” icon_fontawesome=”fa fa-envelope-o” margin_top=”15px”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″][/vc_row][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]Last Saturday, it lasted for 10 hours! At the end of the day, bellies were full, our house was a mess, and those who wanted to watch sports had done so. All while enjoying quality time with their friends and families. It was beautiful (well, after we helped our daughters clean the playroom). The cycle has repeated itself each weekend since Labor Day.

Once hunting season begins, my husband will miss some games in order to chase live game. When our foster daughter learned my husband is an avid outdoorsman, she expressed interest in hunting with him. He took her down to the family property, and they spent the day exploring and talking about hunting safety. Currently, there’s a partially assembled deer stand for two sitting in my garage.

If your spouse has a seasonal hobby (or two, like mine), consider how you can support your partner and give them freedom to engage that passion instead of resenting it. You and the kids can ride in the cart while he plays golf, or accompany her on a day of bargain hunting at yard sales. Whatever it looks like for your family, determine to help everyone win whenever possible.

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Temperatures are starting to rise here in the southern U.S. My flip-flops have been unpacked after a long, wet winter, and I can’t help but start dreaming about backyard get-togethers, beach vacations with friends, more relaxed bedtime routines, and no homework for the kids (which also means I don’t have to remember how to divide fractions—don’t judge).

There’s just an air of relaxation that settles over everything once the kids are out of school. Our evenings become filled with dinners on the back porch followed by dripping popsicles rather than a rush of dinner, homework, bath, book, bed. The rush of the school year brings its wear and tear on my family, and we just don’t do well at a fast pace. The summer brings a welcome time of recuperation, and with it a collective sigh …

The rest of the year is filled with other obligations, but the summer belongs to us.

One of my goals this summer is to reacquaint myself with my kids. That may sound silly. I mean, I should know my little family pretty well, right?

But the truth is, we all change. My daughter no longer really plays with toys, and her taste in books and music has evolved. My son, who has always been a huge Mama’s boy, has been seeking his own sort of independence over the past few months. They’re growing. If I don’t frequently reacquaint myself with the little people God is growing them into, I’ll miss out on really knowing my family.

With that thought in mind, I’ve dug around, stolen ideas from friends (I mean, borrowed upon their wisdom), and really thought about ways I want to engage with my kids this summer. Here are some of the things my husband, Josh, and I will be doing to get back to the basics of family time this summer.

1. Start your own book club.

Reading to my kids has always been one of my favorite pastimes as a mom. I’m a sucker nearly every time my son asks, “One more book?” Hey, it’s hard to get snuggle time with a rowdy 5-year-old. But even my preteen still enjoys this time each day, just the two of us.

Have your children pick a book they would like to read with you this summer (my son and I will be reading Charlotte’s Web). Read a passage or chapter and then let them share their thoughts on what happened with you. I’m always surprised by how insightful kids can be.

2. Take regular family “staycations.”

Have your family take turns picking day trips. My daughter enjoys history, so we are marking a map for places where she can dive into our state’s past. My son is a dinosaur and animal fanatic. So this summer we are hitting up a local museum’s new dinosaur exhibit and visiting a nearby elephant sanctuary. We also have several hiking trails in our area we plan on trekking (when the weather isn’t 110 degrees with 90 percent humidity, that is).

3. Passport2Purity®

I wish I had shared this experience with my daughter last summer, before she started middle school. No one wants to have “the talk,” right? Talking about sex is kind of awkward, for them and us. Have no fear, nervous parent. Instead of fumbling through your words, Passport2Purity guides you through the topics of peer pressure, puberty, sex, and dating over the course of an overnight trip, just the two of you.

I’ve planned a short trip with my daughter just before schools starts in August. Thanks to planned activities and CDs that tackle the hard topics for me, I’m actually looking forward to having the talk with her. From one parent to another, do this one sooner rather than later.

4. Passport2Identity

We’ll actually be doing this one in a few years, but I couldn’t mention the above suggestion without recommending something for parents with kids older than mine. And if you are a parent of a teenager, you know raising them for adulthood isn’t for the faint of heart.

Passport2Identity can help. Created in the same format as Passport2Purity, this FamilyLife resource leads you and your child through discussions that matter: what a godly man/woman looks like, making their faith their own, and determining what their calling in life is. Remembering back to my own teenage years (some time ago), I guarantee you this is a trip your teenager needs with you. Now.

5. Grow a garden together.

To be honest, I am known as the killer of plants (I am hoping my kids take after my husband on this one). Even so, there are a few great lessons for your kids (and maybe you) to learn through gardening—hard work, responsibility, patience, and how good it feels to see some fruit be produced after a period of growing.

And here’s a bonus: it’s easier for kids to open up when they don’t feel the pressure to talk. Sit quietly beside your child picking weeds out of the garden (or even filling up some containers with potting soil if you don’t have the ground space). Don’t play 20 questions or feel the need to fill the silence. Just sit, enjoy the company of your kids, and be open to listening when they have something to say.

6. Set a family goal together.

Maybe you want your family to be more active. Or you just want to slow down so you can find more time together. Whatever it is, you have some dreams for your family. Chances are, your kids do, too. So have a powwow around the picnic table (my kids are far better participants if there are yummy snacks involved) in the backyard to discuss a family goal for the summer. Brainstorm some steps toward making that goal a reality.

I’ve been thinking about this family goal thing a lot lately. Especially since this is the first time I have worked outside the home since the kids were born. One of my goals for my little family leads me to my final suggestion.

7. Reclaim the Sabbath.

Confession time: I have turned Sunday into “catch up” day. Everything we don’t have time to do during the week is done on Sunday. Loads of laundry. Forgotten kids’ chores. Yard work. You name it. Sure, it feels good to get that stuff done, but in the process we’ve completely forgotten the purpose of a Sabbath.

In Mark 2:27, Jesus told those nit-picking (my words, not His) Pharisees “the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” Just because we aren’t bound by Old Testament Sabbath laws anymore, doesn’t mean we should forget it altogether. It was made for our good. Our family’s good. So I am hoping to bring that good back into my family’s lives this summer. My steps to make this a reality?

For starters, we’ll be dusting off those piles of family devotional books I purchased with hope we would actually finish. The Sabbath should not only be a time to rest but also a time to turn out hearts to the One who gives rest. Second, we will put down our devices for the day. Trust me, your soul (and your kids’) could use a break from social media and email.

Maybe you haven’t put much thought to summer yet (maybe you still have snow), but I’d wager your kids have. Plan a time to sit down and bounce ideas off them. How do they imagine this summer going? Maybe they have some personal goals they’d like to accomplish—mastering two wheels on a bike, perfecting that backhand on the court.

Whatever you do this summer, engaging with your kids will never be time wasted. Remember, we only have a handful of summers with our kids before we launch them into the world. Make each one count.

Copyright © 2018 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

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Cool Summer School

By Tricia Goyer

When I was a child, my favorite summer moments happened in the library. Yes, beach days are fun, but I’d rather spend time scanning shelves of books. How crazy is that?! As a mom, I wanted to bring a bit of summer learning into our home. Of course, my kids weren’t interested in spending their days in the library, so I brought in summer learning other ways.

1. Summer classes and camps. Many schools, colleges, and museums have summer classes or camps. These programs make learning fun. My son Cory took a soapbox derby class where they designed and made their own cars and learned about engineering. My daughter took art classes in the park and had a great time weaving, painting, and more.

2. Play in the garden. We planted a garden once. It was not a pretty sight, but we learned a lot. Even if you have a small plot (or just a pot) your kids can have fun growing something. Also, check out library books about plants, photosynthesis, and ecosystems to learn about the growing process.

3. Get cooking. I clearly remember my daughter flipping pancakes at the age of five dressed in a pink tutu. Summer is a great time to start cooking classes with your kids. Have them help you make a shopping list, go shopping, and cook. Teach or reinforce measurements and cooking terms. They’ll love it, and hey, you’ve got to eat, don’t you?

4. Create stories and plays. Creating stories is fun, but don’t just count on paper and pens. Talk about characters, dialogue, and action, and act out their story, and record it. My kids loved to put on circus skits or recreate their favorite Bible stories or fairy tales.

5. Host a neighborhood scavenger hunt. Choose items up and down your street, such as an oak tree, a fire hydrant, and a brown door, and write them on index cards. Then take your kids on a walk and see who can find the items first. This reinforces reading skills, and they don’t even know it!

6. Create a map of your home. Help your kids draw a map and teach them new words, such as north, south, east, west, map key, scale, etc.

7. Create a weekly date to be a tourist in your town. Stop by a local hotel and pick up tourist attraction brochures from the front lobby; find things to do that are free or inexpensive. Create a memory book and have your children write down what they experience.

8. Reading clubs. Most libraries have summer reading clubs where kids can earn points or prizes for books read. I also created a prize box for my children, and they could get additional prizes for reading. (And the prizes I picked out were “educational,” such as science kits and art supplies.)

9. Pick a summer topic. Want to learn about oceans, puppy care, or photography? Pick a summer topic as a family and see how much you can learn together.

In the end your kids will have no idea they’re learning. They’ll just be enjoying the time together … and the fun!

6 (Almost) Free Summer Activities

by Katie Howard Clemens

Moms have to be creative in the summer. During days when our little people are underfoot 24/7, busy moms need a plan to keep those little people busy and out of trouble. While I am not opposed to some TV viewing, I don’t want my children watching TV all day. With a limited budget, I have had to be extra creative to come up with a fun summer plan.  Following are some examples:

1. Table murals: We have a great kitchen table, and I have a ton of butcher paper and tape.  So we make table murals. Simply tape the butcher paper to the table, and turn the kids loose with crayons, markers, or watercolor paints.

2. Farmers’ markets:  Our local farmers’ market is bursting with fresh fruit, veggies, farm-fresh eggs, and even meat from local growers. It can be a fun outing for kiddos. Let them choose something new and different to bring home, and then prepare it together for dinner.  Another option is to go straight to a farm.  My kids and I head to a blueberry farm near our home to pick our own blueberries right from the bushes.  They eat all the berries they can hold, and we take the rest home to freeze. Blueberry pancakes in December are delicious when you don’t have to pay $5 a pint for the blueberries at the store, and we remember the fun summer adventure we had picking them.

3. “Summer Bucket of Fun”:  I found sturdy pink and blue buckets at the dollar store. A little puffy paint decoration later, and I had a “Mom’s Summer Bucket of Fun” for each child. While I was at the dollar store, I also picked up a wide array of fun and cheap activities that I have carefully hidden away—bubbles, sidewalk chalk, crayons, finger paint, jacks, puzzles, etc. I spent less than $50 and had well over 20 different activities for each child. I placed a different activity into the bucket each morning, along with a snack and some coloring and activity sheets I previously printed for free from websites like Kaboose.com.

4. Library:  Books, books, and more books! Indoor summer fun in an air-conditioned building! The library is the perfect place to get out of the heat on a hot summer day when you don’t want to be cooped up at home.

5. Bowling:    For the cost of shoe rental, children under 15 can bowl two free games every day all summer long at participating bowling allies all over the U.S. Find one near you at kidsbowlfree.com. You can also get a family pass for $24.95 that will allow up to four adults (or teens over 15) the same two free games per day all summer long.

6. Downtime:  Little brains need time to relax and recharge, too. Make sure you plan some time into your day for rest. Neither one of my kids will nap for me anymore, but we still have a daily quiet time. They don’t have to sleep, but their feet need to be off the floor. They can either look at books or listen to relaxing music.

Children also need times when there are no planned activities … when they are forced to be creative and find new ways to play and occupy themselves. When my kids tell me during the summer, “Mom, I’m bored,” my standard answer is, “Great! What are you going to do about it?” I don’t think it is my job to entertain my children every minute of the day. I want to teach them to be creative and come up with ideas on their own, too.

10 Ways to Maintain Summer Sanity

by Julia DesCarpentrie

Summer…  My kids home all day with me, neighbor children coming and going, slumber parties.  My house is overflowing with children during the summer and I love it!  However, as a mother of six, and with friends visiting our home, I need a little extra organization to keep my sanity.  We are spontaneous during summer break but also need some structure.

Some of the tricks in my toolbox:

1. I have several early risers so we have quiet time until 7 am.  The early birds may read a book or do a puzzle quietly until then.  After 7:00, it’s snuggle time with Mom!

2. After lunch, if we are home, everyone has a rest time.  Again, books or puzzles are appropriate activities as well as playing quietly in their room.  After rest time, rooms must be tidy before coming out.  I work part-time from home and this is my office time.

3. Everyone in our home is assigned a certain color of cup to avoid dirtying a new cup every time they want a drink.  Visitors receive a cup with their name written on a wide rubber band or a disposable cup with their name in permanent marker.

4. For outings, we have the bottom shelf of the refrigerator stocked with reusable water bottles.  Containers are filled with grapes, sliced veggies, cheese cubes, etc., so we are ready for a picnic on short notice.

5. We do not head to the pool or library until morning chores are complete (beds made, rooms tidy, breakfast cleaned up, laundry started, plus one additional weekly chore done).

6. We limit our screen time (tablets, smartphones, video games, computer, television) with “Tech Twigs”—popsicle sticks labeled with the kids’ names.  Each child receives five per week, with each stick allowing for 30 minutes of screen time.

7. Every evening before bed we have a “10-minute Tidy.”  Any toys not picked up head to a box labeled “Toy Jail.”  Toys can be redeemed by completing a chore from a chore list.

8. An additional chore list is posted inside a cabinet for those looking to earn a little extra money.  It also quickly cures, “Mom, I’m bored!” or can free a belonging from Toy Jail.

9. Dirty clothing or shoes left on the floor will cost the offender 25 cents apiece, with money going into Mom’s Starbucks fund.  I made enough for a caramel macchiato within the first week, but as the kids learned their lesson, my income diminished.

10.  At the beginning of summer we devise a Summer Fun Calendar with dates for activities at the library’s summer reading program, friend swaps, parent/child dates, etc.  We also scheduled a technology-free week and several “fun at home” days.  One day every week is reserved for grocery shopping and catching up on housework.

“Cool Summer School” copyright © 2015 by Tricia Goyer. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

“6 (Almost) Free Summer Activities” and “10 Ways to Maintain Summer Sanity” copyright © 2015 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

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On the first morning of my first visit with my future husband’s family, I lifted the fork for my initial taste of breakfast cake.

“Wait.” Johnny stopped me. “This is the way we eat it.” He dunked his chunk of cake into a cup filled with milk. Then he raised it to his mouth and, with white drops rolling down his wrist, bit off a big soggy corner. He rolled his eyes to the ceiling and groaned, “Mmm, mmm! They don’t serve us this in the college dining hall, Ma Mohn.” His five-foot-tall grandmother, Erma Mohn, just smiled.

She smiled again when I asked her later for the recipe. “Recipe? You can watch and write down what I do.” So I watched and wrote: “Four handfuls of flour, a walnut-sized lump of butter…” She told me that she learned breakfast cake from her mother, Geneva Stoner, and that she had learned it from her mother, Martha Loos—an heirloom recipe. Years later, when Ma Mohn died, I packed a frozen breakfast cake into my suitcase to take to the other grandchildren gathered for her funeral.

Our children have always expected breakfast cake on birthday and holiday mornings. As young adults, they ask for it when they’re home for a visit. After Ma Mohn’s death, I thought of myself as the chief guardian of this family keepsake, until we visited Benjamin and Melissa, our son and his bride, and she served us breakfast cake. So now this heirloom belongs also to my children, who are at least the sixth generation enjoying it.

What traditions are we leaving our children?

Traditions are a lot like heirlooms. Both probably have come to us through our families. Some you love; you can’t imagine life without them. Some you’re stuck with; you don’t know what to do with them.

What are the traditions we’re leaving our children, the next generation? Which traditions deserve to be stuck away in the attic? Into which traditions do we love to draw other people?

Traditions strengthen our sense of history and belonging. As Christians, our history is God’s story of drawing us into His family. “I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me,’ says the Lord Almighty” (2 Corinthians 6:18).

It is as God’s children that we find our sense of belonging. “You have received the spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’ The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ” (Romans 8:15-17).

Our inheritance from God

We who are trusting Christ are the heirs of our Father, God. But what is the inheritance that we want from our Father? In this passage, Paul pictures us calling to Him, “Abba! Father!” We are like children at the end of a long day. The only thing we want is our abba, our daddy. The yearning of our hearts is for him. And that is the great treasure we inherit from our heavenly Father—himself.

As David wrote in Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” The inheritance we will receive from God is what we delight in most gladly and desire most deeply, the Lord himself.

With any other father, we would not receive our inheritance until he died. But God is eternal. He is the Father who never leaves us nor forsakes us (Hebrews 13:5). He gives us himself.

We might wonder what is left to inherit if we have already been adopted into his family and he’s already our Father. What more is there to look forward to? The apostle John answers: “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are…Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is” (1 John 3:1-2).

He is our Father now, and we are his children now. Yet we are still waiting for something—to see him as he is, to be like him as we long to be, and to have the passion of God himself to enjoy him. That is our complete inheritance—the full enjoyment of God himself.

Explaining traditions

When our first son, Karsten, was just over a year old, I thought about our meager Christmas traditions. I tried to see them through the eyes of a curious toddler. I imagined the conversations he and I might have during the month:

“Huzz-at?”

“Candles.”

Then I mentally supplied the question he wouldn’t even know yet to ask:

“Why candles?”

“Why?” I realized that was a question I was going to have to answer from now on, not just for Christmas traditions that particular year, but for all years and everyday. At that moment I knew that “just because” was no answer. Nor was “because that’s the way Grandmother or Granddaddy do it” or “because it’s pretty” or “because it’s convenient” or “because that’s what everybody does.”

Children will ask why

In the book of Exodus, Moses displays his understanding of the nature of children and the responsibility of parents: “And when your children say to you, ‘What do you mean by this service?’ you shall say, ‘It is the sacrifice of the LORD’s Passover, for he passed over the houses of the people of Israel in Egypt'” (12:26-27).

Moses assumes children will ask why. And he instructs parents to give an answer that speaks of reality. This instruction is all in the context of laying out for children ceremonies that will portray the answer. He is giving them the answer, both spoken and displayed. And the answer is God—God saved us, and we honor him, worship him, thank him. We and our children need this kind of yearly repetition to impress us with the weight of what God has done.

Traditions are important for another reason. We’ve already seen one huge difference between the inheritance we receive from God and the one we receive from our physical families: God is both our Father and our present and future inheritance, our heirloom.

Only God can bequeath God

There’s another big difference between this inheritance and any other that we might receive: You can’t bequeath God to your children. You can leave them the forested acres from your father, the carved cane from Uncle Claude, and the clock from your grandmother, but they can’t inherit God from you. God can only be inherited from God.

That’s what my mother was saying one night when I was six. As she kissed me good night and tucked me in, she said, “Now that you’re trusting Jesus as your Savior, I’m your mother and your sister.” She was acknowledging the words of Galatians 3:26: “In Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith.”

We only become God’s children through our faith, not through our parents’ faith. I had gained a relationship with God in the same way she had. We both had become his daughters by adoption, through faith. I was not God’s granddaughter who inherited God through my mother’s relationship with him. I was God’s daughter who inherited God directly from God.

John 1:12 tells us, “To all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” Although we cannot bequeath God to our children, we can help them know him and understand him in ways that prepare them to believe in his name.

“Everyday” and “especially” traditions in a family are an important part of that teaching, of picturing who God is and what he’s done in our home and in the world. Traditions are a vital way of displaying our greatest treasure, of showing what—Who—is most important to us.

Adapted from Treasuring God in Our Traditions by Noël Piper, copyright © 2003. Used by permission of Crossway Books, a division of Good News Publishers.

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