Getting remarried in later life after the death of a spouse or divorce? How do you know if you’re ready? Should you consider the feelings of your adult children? Ron Deal talks with Jim & Shirley Mozena about the risks, as well as rewards, of a later-life remarriage and what to consider as you date.

Show Notes and Resources

Access The Smart Stepfamily for free!
More about Jim and Shirley and their book, Second Chance At Love
Get your copy of The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning
More FamilyLife Blended resources
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Email: blendedquestions@familylife.com or call: 407-826-2606

The post 127: Getting Remarried? appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Have you ever wondered how to be thankful in a hard season in your blended family? Listen to Ron Deal and Gayla Grace talk about finding joy, regardless of our circumstances, as we focus on God’s faithfulness, His provision, and His promises.
Show Notes and Resources

Thank you for sending a gift to be matched dollar for dollar!
Send us your review via email: blendedquestions@familylife.com or voicemail: 407-826-2606.
Info on Blended and Blessed
Register now for Blended & Blessed Live Event and Livestream.

The post 125: How To Be Thankful in a Blended Family appeared first on FamilyLife®.

High-conflict co-parenting is a common struggle in blended families. Ron Deal speaks with Diane Dierks & Rick Voyles on how to improve co-parenting conflict as you prioritize what you’re fighting for, change your response, & consider your kids first.
Show Notes and Resources

List of counselors
Register for Preparing to Blend
Co-parenting Dilemmas podcast
Get the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry All-Access Digital Pass.
Ron’s personal speaking schedule.
Send a gift to FamilyLife Blended.
Email a comment about this show or call to share your thoughts. blendedquestions@familylife.com or 407-826-2606

The post 123: How To Overcome Co-parenting Conflict appeared first on FamilyLife®.

When we blend two families, what’s the goal & how do we get there? Do we focus more on parenting or our marriage? Do I parent my stepchild or build a relationship first? How do we manage a difficult former spouse? Ron Deal answers these questions & more about the critical tasks of parenting in a blended family.
Show Notes and Resources

You still have time to join the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry!
The Online Certificate in Blended Family Ministry
Get monthly encouragement for your blended family
FamilyLife Blended Resources
Get the Summit All-Access Digital Pass
Email us your questions at blendedquestions@familylife.com

The post 122: Blending a Family: Where Do I Start? appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Blended families come in all shapes and sizes. Each family is unique with its own complexities. Chris and Yodit Brooks share their stories growing up in a blended family as well as wisdom they’ve gained from raising both their adopted and biological children. Family stories matter.
Show Notes and Resources

The Smart Stepfamily on Right Now Media
Get a copy of The Smart Stepfamily
Summit on Stepfamily Ministry: Registration & Information
Listen to Equipped with Chris Brooks.
Ron’s personal speaking schedule.
Support the FamilyLife Blended podcast
Call in a review 407-826-2606

The post 121: Lessons from Adoptive Parents appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Being a stepfather can feel like bathing cats with your hair on fire—but your thoughtful navigation of the dynamics in your home can make a difference that lasts for decades. Author Gil Stuart offers tips on stepfathering thoughtfully, and shaping the kind of family you all long for.
We are the one with the influence. Are we going to use it for good or for evil? I mean, when you think about what the Scripture says: “The power of the tongue is for life or for death.” So, what are we saying? Is it going to bring life, or is it going to bring death to the stepfamily environment? What a place for a hero to step up!  – Gil Stuart
Show Notes and Resources

The Summit on StepFamily Ministry; Find out how you and your church can minister to blended families at summitonstepfamilies.com
Listen to the full episode here: Unsung Heroes
Discover more resources on our shop and listen to more on the FamilyLife Blended podcast
Find resources from this podcast at shop.familylife.com.
See resources from our past podcasts.
Find more content and resources on the FamilyLife’s app!
Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.
Check out all the FamilyLife podcasts on the FamilyLife Podcast Network

The post Strong Stepfathers, Strong Stepfamilies: Ron Deal and Gil Stuart appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Stepdad: It can be a role full of landmines–and at the same time, a role vital and unsung. Author Gil Stuart offers ideas to do it wholeheartedly and all-in within the complexities of your blended family.

Reverse betrayal is the aspect that I have a loyalty to my own children, who I don’t get to see as much because of the parenting plan, and in that time, I’m actually connecting with my stepchildren. I’m actually starting to like them, and they’re starting to bond with me. In so doing, I actually feel like I’m betraying my own children. — Gil Stuart

Show Notes and Resources

The Summit on StepFamily Ministry; Find out how you and your church can minister to blended families at summitonstepfamilies.com
Listen to the full episode here: Unsung Heroes
Discover more resources on our shop and listen to more on the FamilyLife Blended podcast 
Find resources from this podcast at shop.familylife.com.
See resources from our past podcasts.
Find more content and resources on the FamilyLife’s app!
Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.
Check out all the FamilyLife podcasts on the FamilyLife Podcast Network

The post Stepdad, a.k.a. Unsung Hero: Ron Deal and Gil Stuart appeared first on FamilyLife®.

“Dad broke my rule,” my stepson Seth confessed, half smiling. “I told him he couldn’t marry anyone with kids younger than me. I wasn’t happy when he told me about you.”

Seth was 14 when I brought Ben, 5, and Katherine, 3, into his life. He immediately went from being the baby—10 years younger than his brother—to being the oldest by far.

He didn’t seem like a baby to me, however. I couldn’t understand why he had no chores, no responsibilities, and no life skills. (He claimed he didn’t know how to boil spaghetti or make toast.) And it bothered me that I was expected to do as much for him as my 5-year-old.

My husband, Robbie, on the other hand, couldn’t figure out why my kindergartener had so much say in the choices we made for dinner, television, and activities. Who did he think he was?! After Ben’s father died, he became the “man of the house.” Even as young as he was, he felt the weight of that responsibility.

But in our new family, Ben was the middle child and one of three males. The expression of his masculinity was no longer essential, and he competed with Robbie to be the alpha male—the one mom loves most.

Redefining roles in a blended family

Maybe your family feels the same sense of bewilderment. Redefining roles is a complicated process for stepfamilies. Roles in traditional homes grow with the family, but stepfamilies are plunged together like survivors on an island. It’s not clear how everything should work. Who leads? Who does what chore? Who gets a voice in decisions?

Thankfully, there is hope in the chaos. As our family transformed, we used these three guidelines to help transition our kids to their new identities.

1. Allow time for grief and confusion.

A person’s place in the family is a part of how he defines himself. There is some pride being the first born, middle, or youngest child. And a change in status is usually uncomfortable and unwelcome.

New roles mean new expectations, and children may not know how to interact, causing misunderstandings and offenses. What you allowed in your single-parent home may be considered obstinate or disrespectful in your new family.

But we need to live with each other in an understanding way. As Paul exhorted, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18). Expect sorrow when “the way things were” passes away, and let grace be your standard for interaction.

2. The biological parent should help the child understand his or her new role.

Each night, I sat on my son’s bed and discussed the day’s battles he had with his new dad. I listened. I assured him of our love. But I took the time to set him straight and reiterate that his new dad was his authority and that God ordained sons to respect their fathers.

In addition, Robbie encouraged Seth to grow up. As Seth matured, Robbie pressured him to get a job, learn to drive, and take care of school matters. Seth resisted, strongly on occasion, but it was time he took on responsibility and faced manhood.

3. Teach children that their true identity is in Christ.

That is something that will never change, no matter how many transitions they endure.

My children weren’t convinced of Robbie’s love at first. But rather than force that relationship, I kept telling them that no matter how they felt about their stepdad, God loved them far greater than any earthly father possibly could. I taught them their identity was not in their birth order, last name, or their mother or father’s affection, but in Christ alone.

By taking the focus from Robbie’s love, which they perceived to rise and fall, and putting it on God, stability was brought back into their lives, which equipped them to build their new lives on a firm foundation. Jesus said when you build your house upon God’s word, when the rains fall, and the floods come, and the winds blow and beat on your house, it will not fall (Matthew 7:24-25).  

Stepfamilies are fragile. You’ve just cut two families in half and sewn them together. They need time for mending. They need stability. They need the Healer. They need time to feel like family. So have patience and keep Christ at the center of your home, and everyone will find the place where they belong.

Copyright © 2023 by Sabrina McDonald. All rights reserved.

Sabrina McDonald has a master’s degree in marriage and family counseling from Liberty University. She is the author of six books, including her newest, A Home Build From Love and Loss.

The post How To Help Your Child Find Their Place in a Blended Family appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Anyone in a stepfamily knows little can prepare you for the blended journey. Surprise pitfalls are standard. Successful blended-family marriages require adaptability, a lesson I soon learned.

One pitfall came in the form of my husband’s interests—hunting and fishing. My previous marriage was all about sports. While I’m not a sports fan, it was easy to understand because of my own alma mater and the camaraderie with friends.

Robbie, however, is a 21st-century Daniel Boone. There’s not an animal he can’t kill, skin, and fry up for dinner. Neither my first husband nor my father was an outdoorsman, so this pastime was foreign to me. I soon realized I was a fish out of water.

This became clear while watching a fishing show (something Robbie mysteriously finds entertaining). An angler explained he was “ripping the rattle trap out of the coon tails.” My brow crinkled and head cocked. It sounded like English but made no sense.

It was a new dialect. I soon heard myself asking questions like, “What’s a shaky head? What’s a whopper plopper? How does a deer rut?”

These confusing phrases came up in everyday conversations. At times, I felt exhausted and even stupid. Robbie thought everyone knew this—how could his wife be so uneducated?

I soon realized, in order to communicate, fellowship, and encourage this man, I had to learn his mysterious language.

Learning to speak my husband’s “language”

That wouldn’t be easy for me. I’m not outdoorsy. I like reading, writing, crafting, and I don’t like sweating! So learning a “boots on the ground” lifestyle wasn’t my idea of fun.

But I did know I loved this man, and if being closer to him meant giving up a little comfort, it was worth it.

I started my new education by asking lots of questions, to Robbie’s dismay. At first, he thought I was acting dumb. (Everything seemed obvious to him.) But he soon enjoyed imparting his knowledge to this eager listener.

Next, I organized a fishing trip for our anniversary. Robbie teemed with pride when I caught a six-pound trout! I’ve never seen him more in love.

Now, years later, I’m still not outdoorsy. I don’t anticipate deer season or practice duck calls. I’ve gained new experiences, though, including shooting guns at the range and reloading ammo. But the greatest gain is the ability to talk to my husband about what he loves, and best of all, catch that penetrating glimmer in his eyes when I join him on his adventures.

Copyright © 2023 by Sabrina McDonald. All rights reserved.

Sabrina McDonald has a master’s degree in marriage and family counseling from Liberty University. She is the author of six books, including her newest, A Home Build From Love and Loss.

The post Learning the Language of Your Blended-Family Marriage appeared first on FamilyLife®.

Do you have wounds from a previous relationship that you carried into your new family? We call these ghosts of marriage past. Unresolved residue also happens with our kids and affects our ability to form trust & intimacy with others. Ron Deal speaks with Moe & Paige Becnel about how to wrestle with our ghosts and lessen their power.

Show Notes and Resources

The Smart Stepfamily online series
More about the Becnels and their book
Join this year’s VIRTUAL Summit on Stepfamily Ministry.
Add your blended small group on the searchable map.
Make a tax deductible gift.
Ask a question and submit a review at blendedquestions@familylife.com or call 407-826-2606.

The post 116: Divorce Grief– Breaking Soul Ties appeared first on FamilyLife®.